Is it Goodbye?

So this weekend was a mixed bag of emotions for me.  Sargent Drama, or also known as Copier Man & NY man, had a going away party.  He is leaving this morning for Fort Jackson for two months of basic training in the Army.

As a refresher, Sargent Drama  and I had dated last summer.  However, shortly after we started dating, his world turned upside down and he was laid off from his job.  I think, as would be the case for anyone of us, life took a drastic turn.  He had to focus on himself and what was best for him.  Well, through it all, we have kept in touch.  We might not spend time together and see each other as often I was would of like but he has always been there in the background.  During this change, he opted to go to the Army, something he wanted to do going out of college but was told he couldn't.  So the past few months he has been preparing himself for his newiest adventure.

So, when he invited me to his going away party, of course I had to go.  They were renting a boat on Lake Travis for the afternoon.  So, in my mind, I was prepared for this party with friends and a few of his family. What I wasn’t prepared for was finding out that outside of a couple of his friends, their significant others & myself, it was his family and then some of the kids he coached soccer with & their parents. Don’t get me wrong, it was a party with plenty of alcohol and good times but just weird. It also was pretty clear his family knew who I was, his brother called me bubble girl (because my profile pic on facebook had me in a bubble bath) and his family knew all about me.

It is hard.  We have this connection but the timing is just bad.  He admits it.  I can feel it.  But there is nothing we can do about it but try and move through it.  At the end of the day, we will always be friends.  Yet, I just wonder what if he never lost his job?  What if the timing wasn't bad?  I feel like a jumble of emotions and really just confused.  So do you write him and hope that maybe the timing will be better when he comes out of boot camp? But then what.  Why can't it be easy for once?

Reality

Reality hasn't set back in and I am still continuing to live in the world of denial.  I am still on vaction in my own mind.  Maybe it is the peace that I had with 9 days off from both jobs that has me in a new mindset.  Whatever it is, I am enjoying it.

I will post later with details of the cruise and of course...pictures, pictures, pictures!

Can next year get here soon?!?!  Costa Rica is our destination!

The Plus Size Suits are downstairs....

I, like I think every other woman in the world, hates shopping for a swimsuit.  For me, it isn't just how one looks in them.  I am okay with my body, I embrace it.  My challenge is finding something that supports the boys.  Something that supports them and actually covers them. 

Yes I already have a swimsuit.  I have probably 20 suits.  But only one that I want to take on this cruise in a few days.  I am going to be gone for seven days, I can't possibly wear the same suit EVERY day.  So, I started shopping for suits.

I spent three hours on Sunday finding a whole lot of nothing.  I don't have the patience for Marshall's or other stores like that hunting through the racks to find something.  I looked and looked and found a whole lot of nothing.  Dallas and I hit Old Navy after she got off work and well I found one that was really cute....but it looked like cats fighting to get out of the potato sack.  I don't think the boys are meant to hang at my belly button.  By the time I felt I had a size that supported, I was then stuck with spillage out the sides.  Of course Dallas informs me she would take some of mine.  Gladly.

So, Monday it was off to the mall over lunch to see what I could find on the south side of town.  I hit JC Penny's first.  I couldn't find the suits and asked the sales lady where I could find them.  She was like - "just straight ahead by the elevator you will find all the swim suits.  Well, the Plus size suits are downstairs".  Seriously - WTF - REALLY?  Did she just say that to me?  Honestly I ignorned it and went.  I still think that some of my guy friends had the best suggestions...take her out, sweep the legs.  LOL

But at the end of the day - I found the suit and a cocktail dress for formal night.

My suit:

Here is the cocktail dress I got:

One of these days I will get to have my Pretty Woman moment and tell the sales lady to pound sand!

And the saga continues...

So, Sunday I had another date with a new guy.  DC has named him BB (short for Babies' & Baggage).  BB and I had been chatting for quiet sometime.  Because of how the schedules worked, this past weekend was the first opportunity that we had to go out together. 

We originally had planned on doing something on Saturday.  However, at the end of the day, I was just flat exhausted.  Normal Work had just been insane all week, complete with overtime.  I think on Thursday I finally pulled in the garage at 7 pm and had to turn around and leave for a softball game at 8:20.  My poor dogs probably hate me.  Then you factor in Lowe's, well by Saturday afternoon, I hit the wall.  I took an hour and a half nap (yes on a perfect day) and woke up feeling like crud.  I just didn't have the energy to put on a fresh face to meet someone in person for the first time.  So, I took the dogs for an hour walk and rain checked it.

So, Sunday was a much better day.  Amazing what sleep can do for a person.  So, BB and I decided to meet up that afternoon.  He came over and picked me up and then we just headed out to enjoy the beautiful afternoon.  There wasn't a lack of conversation and he took me to some sites around town that I had not previously been to.  We ended up at Sherlock's for drinks and dinner. 

I suppose that is when we go to the heart of things.  I was bugged that he was looking at a text message he go.  Either you are here with me or you need to be somewhere else.  I don't want to think I am picky or judging but at the end of the day, marriage is a huge commitment to me and one that I don't take lightly and believe is only made once in a life.  Don't get me wrong, I understand there are times that things don't work and you move on.

However, that said, here is what I didn't know about BB.  He has been married and divorced twice.  The first one lasted 12 years.  Then he was in a relationship for 3 years that produced a child, then married another that produced a child and divorced in less than a year.  So, two failed marriages and two kids with two different baby mama's.  Mathematically, none of the years adds up to a comfort level for me when he says he got married the first time at 18. 

Will we date again?  I don't know.  Am I comfortable with is all?  I don't know.  Am I being judgemental?  I  hope not.  Guess time will tell but right now, I am not feeling so confident in BB.

Finally Here!!!

After much waiting on our part, the latest family edition arrived on February 11, 2010.  Maddox Vincent made Travis & Kim's family plus one.  He was a healthy little guy coming in at 8 lbs 1 oz.  I have no idea how Kim carried him, she is such a tiny thing herself.

I was able to get a great deal on a flight with Continental for the weekend after he was born and was able to go meet the little guy.  Here is a picture of him that was taken the week after he was born.  How can you not love him?

Here is what I can tell you about that weekend staying with Travis & Kim, I am not ready to be a single parent.  Poor little Maddox was not a happy camper that first night home.  In the end, they think it was a result of the circumcision.  Whatever the case, nobody got any sleep that night.  It was a four person rotation.  I can only imagine having to do that by myself.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing more precious than a baby sleeping on your chest, but being awake all night, not fun.  I kept telling them to tell the visitors they could come between 10 pm and 6 am, pick a shift. 

I also saw something interesting that weekend too...a new side to my brother and cousin Luke.  I just don't know how I can describe it other than you just had to be there.  Imagine being in the kitchen, eating lunch and there is your brother and cousin, over beers, discussing breast feeding, nipple cream and heaven knows what else.  I'm not sure what to think, I think I want the comedians back.