Reality

Reality is starting to set in and my panic button might be in full force.  In 34 days, I am suppose to be running 13.1 miles.  In 21 days, I will have needed to hit my fundraising goal.

Can I tell you that I am no where ready for either? 

I was at the disadvantage of being diagnosed with Bronchitis this spring.  It knocked me on my tail!  I have no idea how I ever managed to continue to play ball and go to class when I had it all the time in college.  Either this time was really bad or the ability to nap during the day during college was a godsend.  I refuse to believe that age plays a factor. 

The first 7 days of antibiotics and cough medicine did nothing for me, just put a dent in it.  So, when I hit day 14 of still not feeling well, I went back in to the see the doctor again.  This time it was continue the cough medicine, 7 days of steroids and an asthma inhaler.  It took another solid week and a half, but I FINALLY can breathe again.

Of course, during all that down time, I seriously slacked on fundraising AND training.  I committed to raising $3,600 by June 1.  If I don't hit that number...well it comes out of my pocket.  So, if you have NOT donated today...please do so!!!  It is a penny less than I have to come up with.  Already donated, ask your friends, give up a beer and donate again.  Isn't a cure for cancer worth a little sacrifice?

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sctx/rnrseatl14/jschmidt

 

Training for 13.1 miles has also taken a major hit as well.  First it was 4 weeks of not being able to breathe and then struggling to walk around the building.  I can do that now...but some how not doing anything made my IT Band worse.  On Friday night, I had resorted to pain pills and not being able to step up into the trailer.  However, I refuse to let it stop me.  Stretching, rolling, ice, Epson Salt baths...I WILL run this race darn it.

 

So, I am begging you to help.  I am not giving up on training...help me with the fundraising. 

 

I am Refusing to Sink...my motto I see daily!

 

  I need your help today!

Broken Promises

I think my Facebook post said it best on Saturday:  "I've been through some pretty bad things in life but this has to be one of the worst. My (heart) hurts."

On Saturday, I had to put down one of my foster dogs, Bentley.  It was not a decision that I made but one I had to follow through on as a foster.  It is a decision that breaks my heart and I still want to cry when I think of those big brown eyes staring and me and giving me kisses in his final moments.

You can see all the mats and hot spots

Over the Labor Day weekend I was asked to pick up a dog from Corpus Christi that was being turned in by their owners.  They had a heartbreaking story that resulted in them loosing their home and having to give up their pets.  It was a sad situation as they were using an electrical cord as a make-shift leash.  The dog was in sad shape, with an ear infection, in desperate need of grooming and had hot spots, from what I could see. 

The oldest daughter was 14 and just sobbed and didn't want to give up the dog.  I think we spent more time waiting for her to give him up than it took to fill out all the paperwork.  As soon as I thought we could get him in the crate, she would just hug him tighter and pleading with her mom to not let go of the dog, to let her keep it.  I promised her then and there that we would find a great home for this dog and he would have his happily ever after.  That is what this rescue does, we find great homes.

How I failed. 

Sitting patiently having the mats cut off.

I had Bentley the first week after picking him up.  That Monday, I did a hack job on him trying to cut off the mats.  He was such a trooper and while he didn't want me near his ear (for good reason) he never got snippy with me.  The next day he was ushered to the vets to be checked and get treated for his raging ear infection.  Outside of the ear infection, he was in good healthy.  Thursday was a trip to the groomers to clean up my clipping.  The poor guy was so scared by that point that I had to call for him when I picked him up, he did not want to come out of the crates in the back at Petco. 

I sent as much information to the rescue team as I could about him and they continued to work to find him a foster home.  One was found and I met the new foster family that Friday.  Unfortunately by Saturday evening, he had bit one child twice and attempted to bite another adult.  So, Sunday he was back in my home.

No, he was not one of the dogs that made the trip back to Nebraska with me.  I knew he was still too unsettled and given the number of children that would be around, I did not want to take the chance or stress him more, so he was kenneled at the vets office. 

The happy dog

90% of the time, he was such a great dog.  He was eager to please, enjoyed his walks and wanted to snuggle.  The other 10%, you just did not know what he was going to do.  I doubt that he was ever trained.  I had to work with him on treats, the first week I thought I was going to loose a finger, but by the end, he was getting more careful with each piece.  He created a fear that he would bite you if he didn't want to do what he was instructed to do.  If I grabbed him by the collar, his first reaction was almost always turning to try and bite.  He bit me once when I was trying to pick up Guinness food bowl out of her crate, that he had claimed at that moment.

Because of this, he was not considered adoptable by the rescue president.  I understand and know it was best for him.  I would not want a child or someone else to be seriously hurt if they were bit by him.  But, it was so painfully hard to do.  It was almost as if he knew and was pleading with me.

Friday night he was extra cuddly and spent most of the evening on the couch with me.  When I told him it was time for bed, he went to his crate, no issues.  Saturday morning he just followed me around and would lay in whatever room I happened to be. 

My last picture of him.  Waiting for the vet.

Saturday, I took at dog that was so excited to go for a car ride and was nothing but tail wags and put him to forever sleep.  I stayed with him through the end with some last kisses from him and those big brown eyes forever staring at me.  As with all fosters, I opened my home and heart to him. 

I hope that he forgives me for the failed promise of happily ever after with a new family.  I hope if the family ever learns of what came of him, they too will forgive me.

Maybe my heart is not cut out to be a foster mom.

RIP sweet buddy.

Blogging Project - Day 17

Highs & Lows of This Past Year

Funny how this one just happens to fall or at least I get to, right after the drama of Monday. However, at the end of the day, really Monday's drama didn't bother me. Based upon Facebook, I gathered that some people thought I questioned the fact that I was 37, single and no kids. In reality, I don't. Does it bother me some days? Absolutely! Does it define me? Not really. I know that with my history in life, the fact that I stand before you today, right where I am, that is a HUGE win for me. Most would of crumbed and gave up on life a long time ago. I am sure like the rest of the individuals out there, there are going to be good days and there are going to be bad days, but I will get through them. God's plan in there and everything will fall into place when the time is right.

 

So my highs for the past year, I would probably say there are two. First is Maddox. I mean - how can you not LOVE this guy? He is a doll and I can't wait to see him in a few weeks. I hope he still knows who Auntie Jenn is; it has been forever since I have Skyped with them. Then again, he probably wouldn't sit still for it anyway. The other high for me was having all the company at Thanksgiving time at my house. It probably doesn't seem like a big deal to have your parents and brother's family visit, but it was huge for me. It was the first trip that my brother made and hope that I don't have to wait another 3 years for it. It is hard when you move so far away from family and friends. Everyone wants to know when you are coming home and going to see them, but very few have made plans to see me. I am forever grateful to the ones that have come to visit, even multiple times! I can attest that that route from Nebraska to Texas flows both directions. It is hard to hear about how great of vacations everyone takes but then I don't think they realize that in order to honor their request to come see them, it requires me to use my vacation time to go to Nebraska - not some place new that I want to see. I digress - sorry.

I think my biggest low this past year has just been my job. When I started here 4 years ago, I was so happy and loved what I was doing. I was in a proactive position versus reacting. I didn't get someone complain or whining on a daily basis. I won't get into the people that are upset and just plain rude. It wears on a person after awhile and I know that it impacts how I do my job. I was warned about the good 'ole boys club before I moved down here and while I wanted to believe it didn't exist, it has shown its ugly head more and more this past year. I mean, in one week I closed 66 tickets of the teams 73. You do the math. But then, when I assign a ticket to someone because they choose to ignore it for a hour before anyone came in, we get yelled at. Whatever. I am so over this job and ready to move on. I want something that challenges me and not a job that someone with a high school degree could do. Or one where one person does 75% of the work and the rest get promoted and raises because they are in the "guys club".

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I was blessed last night in that it was a "quiet" night. I left work a little bit early so I could run the Soda tabs over to the Ronald McDonald house from work. I love visiting this place and really hope that one day I can do more volunteering there, it is such a great cause. I got home and caught up on Y&R. I had told myself that I wasn't going to watch it to the weekend but I was so exhausted with all the drama from the day before and the weekend, I just needed couch time! I finally headed out for a run around 8:15 with the dogs, when it had finally "cooled" off. I think it was in the low 90s at that point. I do believe that I will freeze when I get to Nebraska in a few weeks. I mean, this morning it was 81 at 7 am. I don't know if the high is that there. LOL. The good news is that I just barely missed my 11 minute mile! So, hopefully tomorrow I can hit that. I was going to try and run this morning but the snooze guy one out! Have a great Wednesday!