“You have brains in your head....

You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
~Dr. Seuss

Overwhelmed might be the theme right now.  Crazy notion I know.  I mean, I am not working, how can I possibly be THAT busy.  But it is possible and it happens.

What do I want to be when I grow up is the million dollar question right now.  I mean I am 40+ years old.  I have 20+ working years left.  I've been an auditor.  A tech consultant.  A sales person.  Operations Management.  If you look at my books in my office, you would think it is personal finance.  What industry?  Insurance?  Technology?  Manufacturing?  Finance?  What is my niche?  What should my area of focus be?  That is the million dollar question.

At the end of May I hired a firm to help me do just that.  They are going to help me find that right job as well as get all the things done to get that right job.  However, in the mean time, I have learned that Austin is a city of it is not what you know but who you know.  So networking it is.  I was in a networking event last F
riday and they said that we should meet at least one new person a day.  My side that leans towards introvert is already screaming at such a notion.  :)

However, during the past two months, I am doing a lot of self discovery and almost everyone that sees me for the first time in a long time comments that I look refreshed and relaxed.  It further serves my reflection that losing this job was for the best.  Did I imagine still being unemployed two months in, no!  But am I still keeping busy, yes!  Do I think that I will come out a better person in the end than when it happened, ABSOLUTELY!!!

Right now I am in the process of trying to get a grant to go get my PMP (Project Management Program) & SQL Certifications.  These are fancy names for let me oversee your project, run reports while it is going and summarize it when it is done.  A lot of my work over the years has included the project management aspect piece, the certification makes me more marketable.  So, if you would add me to the prayers that grant comes through, that would be much appreciated!

I am still applying for jobs and doing interviews.  Right now things are going slow in that category.  I do not know if it is just Austin or if it is the Market.  I am hopeful that once I get all my homework down with my consulting firm, that I will have more companies that I can start to reach out to in regards to job opportunities.

Of course, on top of all the home work, interviews, applying for jobs, classes, grants, etc, I am trying to still go through the house and purge.  We are having a neighborhood garage sale this weekend (Saturday) so I am trying to get rid of everything that no longer brings me love or joy.  Prime example...that purse that had Amigo's coupons from 2002 in it....clearly that purse no longer brought me joy.  However, now I am stressing myself out because I have not quite finished purging, I still have to tag everything for the sale and I have only two days left in the week to do it.  As Charlie Brown would say...AAugh....

The work outs have been on a temporary break.  Three weeks ago, I found myself crawling on the bathroom floor in horrible pain.  A day and a 1/2 later, Unicorn took me to the urgent care because the pain was back and I just couldn't take it.  Without running the bill up
, based upon the initial tests, they felt I had kidney stones.  So, needless to say, I didn't get much done work search wise or any workouts in that first week as I was hopped up on pain pills and the other medicine they gave me made me sleep on the time.  The following week, I took it easy and this week, I just have been running crazy.

Hopefully things will calm down after the garage sale!  HOPEFULLY!

Reality

Reality is starting to set in and my panic button might be in full force.  In 34 days, I am suppose to be running 13.1 miles.  In 21 days, I will have needed to hit my fundraising goal.

Can I tell you that I am no where ready for either? 

I was at the disadvantage of being diagnosed with Bronchitis this spring.  It knocked me on my tail!  I have no idea how I ever managed to continue to play ball and go to class when I had it all the time in college.  Either this time was really bad or the ability to nap during the day during college was a godsend.  I refuse to believe that age plays a factor. 

The first 7 days of antibiotics and cough medicine did nothing for me, just put a dent in it.  So, when I hit day 14 of still not feeling well, I went back in to the see the doctor again.  This time it was continue the cough medicine, 7 days of steroids and an asthma inhaler.  It took another solid week and a half, but I FINALLY can breathe again.

Of course, during all that down time, I seriously slacked on fundraising AND training.  I committed to raising $3,600 by June 1.  If I don't hit that number...well it comes out of my pocket.  So, if you have NOT donated today...please do so!!!  It is a penny less than I have to come up with.  Already donated, ask your friends, give up a beer and donate again.  Isn't a cure for cancer worth a little sacrifice?

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sctx/rnrseatl14/jschmidt

 

Training for 13.1 miles has also taken a major hit as well.  First it was 4 weeks of not being able to breathe and then struggling to walk around the building.  I can do that now...but some how not doing anything made my IT Band worse.  On Friday night, I had resorted to pain pills and not being able to step up into the trailer.  However, I refuse to let it stop me.  Stretching, rolling, ice, Epson Salt baths...I WILL run this race darn it.

 

So, I am begging you to help.  I am not giving up on training...help me with the fundraising. 

 

I am Refusing to Sink...my motto I see daily!

 

  I need your help today!

The best laid plans, can faulter

Yes, I had great visions of doing well with writing and as they say...mother nature won the battle.  I have been battling the flu or some other virus since before the New Year.  I really thought after this past weekend, I was on the downhill slide.  Then, Monday happened.  Clearly I didn't sound well, didn't look well on top of my knowing I really felt like ass.  By noon, Runner convinced me to go home.  After a 4 hour nap, I found some food and back to bed I went.  I think that I am really blessed with two fabulous fur babies.  Yes, most of you see them as the two that go 100 MPH and never slow down.  However, even Mr. Finn snuggled up to momma almost every day staying close to momma to make sure that I was going to be okay.  Outside of a few trips to do business and have some food & water...he was laying in bed.

Now, being the stubborn German that I am...I truly felt I was going to get over all this crap on my own.  Even Momma Bear said go to the doctor and I said no.  But that was Tuesday.  Wednesday I was sure I could go to work.  I did...for all of 20 minutes, hit a wall and back home I went.  I was patient and waited till the doctor's office opened up at 8:30 and made my call.  She figured I was over the tail end of the flu and ended up with a sinus infection out of it all.  Lucky me.  But, it is Friday and I don't feel 100% but feel 100% better than I did two days ago...so work it was.  Plus I get two more rest days after today too!

So, my exciting news is that I am officially done with PT and have been signed off by the doctor for Bootsie.  I am a long way to go before I can try and start jogging again, which saddens me.  BUT, it gives me something to work for.  I have to be able to walk 3 miles with an average of 15 min pace.  Easier said than done but then again, I take the dogs and if you take away the "breaks" I might have a shot at it.  Whatever the case - I am just excited to break a sweat again...especially with the Biggest Loser back on. 

So, who knows maybe I'll be able to complete one of my 2012 resolutions in 2013...my goal for 2012 was 3 races...I managed two before injury.  Maybe this year I can get 3 three in.  Here's to trying and my 2013 goal of being a healthier me.

Reality Check

Why is it that for some friends, we wait until Christmas and the Holiday's to catch up?  Why is it that we are lazy and send out these mass letters to family and friends telling them, hey this is what is up?  Why don't we check in more often? 

Wow I am so ever guilty of this.  I know, I have this blog and for some, if they choose not to catch up here, too bad, so sad.  I won't even get into how I am so terrible I even had a card come back because I never updated an address, heaven knows how long ago they moved!  I probably should post my Christmas letter here just for the few that may never have received it!  I know I was a terrible friends to my friends in Austin.  :(

But, sometimes you get those letters back and just are in awe and feel like the worst friend ever!  It reminds you of how precious life is and how important some things really are!  So, while I know that most of my goals are lined out for the New Year, this one is getting added to the floater list - be in my friends lives' for 2012 - call them, write them, be there!  I might just need a tab so I can go back and make my quick reference for 2012 resolutions!

Where am I going with all this?  Well, obviously I haven't been the best about keeping up with everyone or seeing everyone when I come back for visits!  Sometimes it is just hard.  But, nothing prepared me for the letter I received from my friend Mo.  Mo and I date back to my first "real" job after college.  It is impossible to imagine that we have known each other as long as we have.  I mean, it seems like just yesterday.  I can remember the day that she went into labor with her first child and for whatever reason, I even managed to get the time of birth right in the office pool - weird fact I know.  That "baby" is now 13.  It doesn't seem possible.

Mo is just a year older than me and went in for her first mammogram at age 36 just because of some family history.  I do not know if it was in relationship to breast cancer or another type, but right away they found a spot of "interest".  One year later, after monitoring, she was diagnosed with  DCIS, ductal carcinoma in situ.  As Mo shared in the letter, she never found a lump and it is hard to say how her story would of ended up if she waited until she was 40 to have that first mammogram. 

I have been catching up with her carepage and reading all she has been through.  I can only imagine how tough things have been but at the same time know some of the day to day struggles a cancer patient goes through sitting beside my friend Little Hammer and watching her battle Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Being a crier, the tears came when I saw the picture of Mo's long, beautiful hair gone and her comparing herself to her husband and who looks better bald.  Such a great spirit and great person, I love you Mo.  I haven't finished reading all of her entries but so far, everything seems to being going as well as one could expect.

The reality check in all of this is, have you had a Mammogram?  I know a lot of you are my age and haven't hit that 40 yet.  I know my doctor's office had me do a baseline at 35 so I have had the initial one.  However, with this gut check, I have made some calls to my insurance company.  When I had the initial one, my tech told me to check with my insurance company because some companies will cover the mammogram every year and not require you to wait until you were 40.  I thought it was silly and not needed but needless to say I made that call now!  My insurance company will cover it and you can bet that I will be scheduling that mammogram with my well woman check later this year! 

I ask that you include Mo and her family in your prayers tonight that God continues to provide healing and strength in the coming days and months as she finishes her chemotherapy and transitions through raditaion!

Kinda Goolish

You know, I think that I could get use to this not working two jobs.  :) 

Really, it didn't hit me until yesterday that I don't have Lowe's to go to anymore.  The weekend felt just like, a weekend off from Lowe's.  Friday night, my roommate, RN, and I went costume shopping.  Well, apparently either the costumes got smaller when they shipped or they are still using the sizing from 20 years ago because a 10-14 which should fit me, well was way crazy tight.  So, I became the plus-size girl costume.  :)  The Risky Ref.

Now Saturday, it is crazy amazing the things one can do without working at Lowe's and then just being tired from working all the time!  My Lowe's Saturday usually consisted of me working 7 - 2 and then going home and taking a nap for an hour or two, then trying to cram everything else into the night.

Well, not this week.  I managed to sleep in.  Got up, took the Grey Speed Racer in to get the oil changed and washed.  Of course, they also pointed out that I should have my brake fluid replaced since I had never had it done and it has 60,000 miles.  So, I put up the dough for that.  After that, I ran a few errands and then went and exchanged RN's shoes and found some shoes for me for the party.  Was a little late getting home so utilized the DVR to catch up on my Husker game.  They were awesome!  After that, it was time to get down to some cleaning, complete with a hands & knees scrub the floor kind of cleaning.  After that, I took the dogs for a run, then hit the gas station & liquor store and it was finally time to get ready for the party.  (Anyone else tired - cause I should of been!)

NoDIY and I have been texted back and forth a lot lately.  No idea what prompted it, but it has been happening.  Anyway, he was having a Halloween Party and invited me to go. RN decided she would go to and so, after she got off work, we headed south.  I think probably my most awkward moment of the night was when we got there and were told everyone was outside.  Of course, we walk out the door to realize there were two girls there and then us two and of course, the deck was covered with all guys.  It was just weird to walk out and have everyone staring and not really seeing faces to know where NoDIY was in the crowd. 

But, in the end, it was a really fun night.  Julie left early because she had a 12 hour shift the next day.  I, on the other hand, did not make it out until noon the next day.  Heehee.  I think it was midnight when we all opted to go to the bar and then went back to NoDIY's house and had more drinks and of course, he had out of control friend drama break out.  Some of which was the first I had ever seen and hope I don't witness that again.  Then, since he is at least 40 minutes south of my house, I did the responsable thing and didn't drive home.

RN is on the far left, NoDIY in the middle and myself on the far right

Of course, every fun time should end with the flu.  After spending half the day thinking it was a hangover, I realized by 6 pm it was the stomach flu.  When you can't even keep toast or liquids down, it is more than a hangover!  Yesterday I managed to keep food down but my stomach still hated me.  Never mind the dehydration headache I still had going and the fact I am still battling the allergies and trying to avoid getting a sinus infection.  Can you say Train Wreck?  Oh, and I should mention that one of the dogs has this flu stuff too, so even when I think I am getting better, I have come home to a lovely mess that makes me sick all over again.

A New Doctor For the New Doctor

That is what I need.  I don't like the new doctor's new message, so the logical solution is find a new doctor, right?

So, this all started back in September when I got the news that my fasting blood sugar was higher than the normal range.  (I covered the call in That Day.)  Well, I trust my female doctor 110%.  He is the one doctor that I have seen from the beginning of living in Austin.  So, I trust his recommendation compared with the other doctors I have visited with off and on for colds since moving here.

Well, today was the day that I visited the new doctor.  Don't get me wrong, she is a really nice lady.  However, have you ever gone into an appointment thinking you know how it is going to turn out and then live in total denial when the answers were so not what you were thinking?  That they have to be off their rocker and refuse to change?  That there was me.

So, the message?  While I have not officially been diagnosed with Diabetes, my life needs to change.  I need to start living like I have Diabetes, starting now and in the end, by living like I have it, I may be able to avoid being diagnosed as having. Let's be clear, Dr. Bartos is NOT kidding around on this!  I had to make an appointment for three months out in which I have to go in and she will check my progress.  Let's not kid ourselves either, this is not a two appointment deal with her.  No, I have to go in to see her every three months for the next year.  WTF!  Really?  I mean, I have to sacrifice my doughnuts for breakfast?  No more snacks from the vending machine (cause I know they are not diabetes friendly)?  How does a diabetic survive the monthly chocolate attacks?

I know, it's my life we are talking about.  I realize that while I am not at my heaviest weight, I am still 50 lbs heavier than high school and 40 lbs heavier than my best in shape college body.  I know that given my Grammy and Mom are Type 2 diabetics and my Uncle and little brother are Type 1 diabetics the odds are in my favor.  Anyone that knows my mom, Grammy and little brother would look at them and say they do not fit the mold for someone that is a diabetic.  Yep, those are my genes that I inherited. 

I had a long talk with my mom tonight about it all.  Obviously making the right choices is something that I was raised around but never really had to think about them. My mom has been around the block a few times with diabetes, she agreed with what Dr. Bartos was saying and her approach.  Momma knows best and reminded me that if I follow Weight Watchers like I should be, I will be living like a diabetic. 

So tomorrow begins the change of Part III of my healthy life.  (Part I was free for all and Part II was living limited-Lactose diet.)  Tomorrow beings a new journey living like I am a diabetic in the hopes that I do not have to hear that I am Diabetic and rendered to a life of pin pricks, medication and trying to control my levels.  I know that I am going to make mistakes along the way as I learn to make better choices.  I know that I am going to have failures and successes when I am with friends and in social settings.  But, I also realize that I am going to lose weight along the way and will be living a healthier life. 

So, here is to Dr. Bartos seeing a little less of me in three months and an A1C number that declares I am not diabetic!

Day 1 & Checkpoint

Have you ever tried to make a change of some type and not refer to the first day of the change as the Start Date, the Starting point or any other reference to Start? It is unbelievably difficult. I don't even know if Day 1 is really the right use of words, but it was the best I could come up with without using the word Start.




So, on Day 1 here is where I am starting. I realize that it is just a number on the scale, but it is what I have to start with. I'll add some measurements later tonight so I can also have them as another method of tracking.

I don't really have an end goal in mind when doing this; I just want to be healthier. I want to be able to wear all of those cute clothes that I have in my closet versus the small amount I can fit into. I even want to be able to at least get into those dresses that the SkinnyBiotch really despises that I still have in my closet and finds a friendship hard knowing I have them. (Luv ya Girl!)

So, the end date for all of this is the last day of my life. So, really not clear on when that will be. With that in mind, I have a few random check points and will continue to add a new one as each one passes. I refuse to see these checkpoints as a Finish but as a point that I can see how I am progressing.

With that in mind, the first two check points are:

September 13
October 8
October 22

Here we go focus…I already feel healthy!

Also - on a bright note, I am getting a random day off from Lowe's in my schedule.  So, next day off....August 28th.  So exciting for me!

No more Starting

Today I was reading a blog by one of the ATX-100's.  If you don't know what ATX 100s is, it is a group that is made up of Austinites that have over 100 pounds to lose and their end goal is to compete in the Cap-Tex 10k next year.  Joe Bacon pointed out something that I never really thought of in that terms but it makes perfect sense and make me think about what I am doing. 

I don’t think of this as a START, because a START has a FINISH.

Click Here to see Joe's blog

 

How true are those words.  Look at when I "started" training for the Nike Women's Marathon - I was in the best shape of my life.  Then the injury happened, the finish line disappeared and I stopped.  Then there was the Triathlons.  While I might not of been in a peak shape, there was the start of training and when I crossed the finish line, the training ended. 

Is your life a series of Starts & Finishes?  Do you Start to lose weight today?  What happens when you "Finish" your journey or something causes the Finish line to disappear?  I know that I cannot be alone in the blurred Finish line.

So there is no more tomorrow I start, next week I start.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  If I truly need a finish line - then I suppose the finish line shall be the last day of my life.  The bright side is that I don't know when that day will come.  So, until then, I need to keep trudging ahead and realize that I will make mistakes along the way, will have set backs along the way and just need to dust myself off and get moving and focus on what I want in life. 

Of course, I say this and realize that step one would be to eat healthy, exercise, and focus on pushing through the debt.  I can eat healthy the rest of the day!  That is an easy one.  Now, for exercise - it has to wait until tomorrow.  I have to work today at Lowe's so no extra time for exercise.  The debt - well I am working both jobs today - so getting rid of it I will!

Even though I will have no more starts or finishes, I am starting my count down today....25 days.  Yep, 25 days until my next day off.  I always try to get a day off scheduled where I do nothing and some how I just didn't get that done this month like I should of.  So, when it is said and done with, I will have worked one or both jobs for 35 days straight.  I picked up an extra shift yesterday at Lowe's and lets just say leaving at 7 am and getting home at 10:30 at night three days in a row makes for a tired cookie!

A break

I think that is what I need, a break.

A break from the dating world at least. I don't know if it is possible to try too hard to find the right guy that you end up wrecking the chances with new prospects? It sure feels like it. Then again, they probably weren't right for me anyway - but you know how that goes. So, I am taking a break. Unless Mr. Right appears on my door step, I am taking a break.

A break from dieting. I swear I have been in the up, down, up, down, up, down roller coaster called weight loss for months, maybe years. At the end of the day, I do really good for a few days and then fail miserably for a few more days and so on. So, instead of diet, instead of journaling, instead of a million versions of diet - I am going to just go with BEING. I'll eat what I want when I am hungry. I will listen to my body and just focus on taking care of me. Feeding myself with fuel and things that will energize me. Of course, working out will also be included in this adventure. Biking, running, just enjoying it outside.

A break from cable. I know, scary! But, I cancelled my cable on Tuesday. Oddly enough, I haven't been home to even notice that it is off. I think I was home for a half hour last night that I watched part of a replay of the Young & the Restless on CBS site but otherwise, I haven't missed it. Something tells me that tonight and tomorrow will not be much different. My Thursday night softball league starts tonight so it will probably be close to 9 before I am home, have the dogs walked, had supper and showered. Friday night will probably be much the same. Plus, it is the season of Crab Grass in my backyard which means I will be spending a lot of time in the backyard pulling out that darn crap and trying to get ahead of it since weed killer only seems to slow it down a little.

What I won't get a break from is work. :( Lowe's is tiring right now. We are staying open until 10 at night which means it is usually 10:30 before I leave and then I can never go home and go straight to bed. But, after they tried to pull a fast one and schedule me with 8 hour shifts on Saturday & Sunday, on top of my 10 hours during the week, HR told management they couldn't do it since I wasn't available. :) Win for me!!!  The other job, the real job, well it is just busy and we are waiting to see what our raises are going to be for the year, if anything.  Fingers crossed it is something!

Finnegan update - well I think he might of exhausted a few lives but it doesn't seemed to have slowed him down at all. Finn is back to himself, crazy as ever and is showing no effects from the Heat Stroke. The vet was certain he would have permanent brain damage, so I am very relieved! Unfortunately for him, it means that he has been contained to the back porch on nights that I work. I put the baby gate up so he can't leave the porch and run himself into heat stroke again.

FML

So it has been forever and a day since I blogged.  But, having one of those days and talking on the phone isn't going to solve it so might as well write it.

Honestly, I swear life just keeps throwning hits at me and I am tired of it.  I am tired of them coming, I am tired of rolling with them and just want them to stop.  WTF did I do to deserve this life, I mean really?  Why try?

Let's start with this past Monday.  A busy, stressful day at work.  Enjoying an atomic fireball, seeming relatively easy.  Well, apparently I was not done with it like I thought and bit down into it.  End result, a broken tooth.  Now I get to shell out $616 (after insurance) on Monday to have a crown put on.  My cousin turns 30 and everyone was going to Vegas to celebrate.  I was going, was being the important word.  Now, alll the money I had responsibly saved now gets to go to pay for a crown.  FML, why can't I just have some down time?  Why does this stuff always happen to me.

Then came yesterday.  NoDIY was still out there and outside of not having time to see each other things were still okay.  He invited me over on Thursday night  but I had already got to a friends house and couldn't go.  Friday night I had stopped by his job site just to say hi since we just had been able to see each other.  We had planned on getting together yesterday.  Well, with SXSW in town he wanted to meet me a friends house so we could all go check out some live music, go out to dinner, etc.  He told me to pack my swim suit so we could all go hot tubbing later, etc. 

Well, things were going well.  A group of us went from his friends house over to the local pub and were having a great time.  One of his female friends even complimented me saying I was the prettiest girl he had ever dated.  Around 12ish, we headed back over to his friends house.  Apparently there was issues with the hot tub heating up and one by one, everyone trickled out.  I couldn't stay awake any longer, was drunk and went and crashed on the couch.  At that point, NoDIY and I were the only two that were still up.  He stayed outside by the fire.  At 2:30ish, I woke up to a huge crash sound like something broke.  Apparently a bunch of girls had showed up and one of them knocked over a lamp trying to go back outside. 

I was drunk and just so confused.  I didn't now how my date night some how turned into him having more girls show up and getting into the hot tub.  I honestly laid there for a long time trying to decide what to do.  I  finally just opted to go out the front door and head home around 3:30.  I sent him a text that told him I left.

Well, ultimately I was up until after 5 am talking via text messaging with him.  Needless to say, I called out to Lowes today.  All I kept hearing was that I was jealous, insecure and should of come out and said goodbye. How he told the girls who I was, how it was his life and how he had all these friends.  Between then and all afternoon I have heard that I am too much a good girl and just wont fit into his lifestyle. 

At the end of the day, I don't think I am upset with as much as NoDIY working out, although I really would of liked it to, but that it is just another relationship that didn't work out.  I don't get how I can be so independent, own my own house and then feel so insecure.  FML.  Is it too much to think there is a guy out there for me and that I could have kids.  Every day, month, date, year that goes by, I have one more day that I have to face that I will never have kids, probably will never be married and will be alone. 

It is so fucking hard.  Everyone I am surrounded by has someone.  They have kids, they have a husband, they have a boyfriend.  I won't get into how as life gets hectic for those friends, I am the one that falls off of the radar.  They all have their go to person and I have nobody.  Some days I hate living in Texas but in reality it is those days that I am feeling all alone.  At the end of the day, it isn't Texas.  I would still have the friends that are busy back home that forgot I was here. 

Here I am, the good girl that has tried to do everything right and life and I have nobody to share it with.  Why can't it be easy for me, just once?  Is that too much to ask for?  FML

Oh yeah, for good measure I got another email from a new guy on Match.com, he is looking for a friends with benefits.  FML.  I don't want to be that girl.

Backward Weekend

So, I have determined that for the most part, weekends are my downfall and where the problems lie.  I spend more money in a weekend than I probably do in an average week.  I had my debit card in my purse which resulted in way too much impulse spending.  Urrrrrggggg.  I stayed out way too late on Friday night and spent the rest of the weekend trying to recover and as a result, zero in the workout category.  Cleaning was probably my only bright spot and I did pick up around the house, cleaned the floors and washed Finn's lower half because he managed to become a mud ball on both Friday night and Saturday afternoon.  On the bright side of the weekend - I did have a nice date on Friday night with a new guy.  :)  More to come later on that. 

Survival - Day Two

Front View - Day 2

So it is time to put it out there.  These are not photos that I am proud of but they need to be out here, they need to be seen, I need to be accountable for what I look like!  Now we are going to kick it into gear and say hello swim suit!

Side view - Day 2

Summary of Day 2:

Eating - I did great!  D1ND (Day 1 no doughnuts) and D2NVM (Day 2 no vending machine), yes the small victories that I have but are needed for success! 

Exercise - Definite success here!  I took the dogs for a 4.1 mile walk in 1 hr, 5 minutes.  Not too bad if I say so myself!

Cleaning - One load of laundry, vaccummed, mopped a couple spots on the floor and washed dishes by hand!

Money - It was a HUGE day of spending!  $0.50 for Diet Coke and $3.47 - I got a small bag of flour, $.99 pack of pens for Lowe's and a $1 package of Butterfingers.  Had one and the rest went into the freezer.

Overall - I think I can say - winner, winner Chicken Dinner!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 1

Day 1- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

This is a picture from a company gathering in early November.  I absolutely hate it from the standpoint that I made me realize how round my face has become and how out of shape I have allowed myself to become.

1. I was born in Monroe, Nebraska and the first place I visited after leaving the hospital was a bar.

2. I love to play softball (obvious) but I love the peace that comes with going on a walk/run with the pups.
3. I am secretly addicted Young & the Restless.
4. Hearing of family gatherings back home makes me home sick and want to move back home.
5. I have a horrible fear that I will never know personally the joys of parenthood.
6. I fear that my Mr. Right will never find me.
7. I have been told by the younger guys at my part-time job that I am a MILF without the kids. Not sure if that is good or bad.
8. I project a bitch mode when I am stressed. When I have a lot to do, just tell me what you want from me with as little words as possible.
9. I miss my grandparents very, very much. I miss hearing my grandma's laughter and my grandpa's stubborn ways.
10. I cannot tell you how Santa Claus managed to deliver our presents on Christmas Eve to my grandparents farm. He even came when I was almost 30 and my brother's and I have never resolved the mystery.
11. I hate people that complain that they don't have money but then find money for booze, fake nails and all the other superficial stuff.
12. I learned that when things get so unbearable and life throws me huge curves, I have some AMAZING friends that would drop everything and fly to be at my side in a second.
13. I have learned that I am a survivor. Sometimes when I get down, I turn back in a victim role but in the end - I am survivor and they will not get the best of me.
14. I'm in the process of purging my life of Clutter. Trying to get rid of everything that I don't need and use.  It is hard to let go!
15. When I am bored, I eat. Hence why I am back doing Weight Watchers. Mindless snacking. I don't need to be hungry and then wonder why I feel so miserable afterwards.

Whiney

Yes, the phrase "Do you want some cheese to go with that whine?", that phrase belongs to me! I am now on day 14 of this crap that has invaded my body and refuses to leave. I have no idea what I have, my doctors have no idea what I have, nothing over the counter works, and it doesn't feel as if the antibotics and prescription cough medicine are helping.

It started on Thanksgiving day with the family here. I just felt crummy. Nothing really notable, just crummy and a little runny nose. I had a low grade fever - 99 - which normally I am 97.7. But that was it. It it just keeps continuing. The runny nose, the cough, the body aches, the sheer exhaustion - 14 days - I have had ENOUGH already! The doctor asked if I felt any better or if it was getting worse. I just said it doesn't feel like it is getting any worse but it doesn't feel like it is getting any better.

Of course, the icing on the cake was last night when I was talking to my mom on the phone. Love her to death but I could tell she wasn't hearing what I was saying and wasn't answering my question. So, I said something to her and she was just like - I can't really understand you with your voice like it is, it is really hard to hear and understand you. Haha. It is a summary of my 14 days.

I really hope that whatever I have runs its course and gets out of town. I am over it. It is the holiday season and I can't even say that I have put up my Christmas decorations. I think I might just have to force myself to do it tonight. :(

A new day, a new week, a new start

Wow - what a week.  It definitely has had its highs and lows but as always, I trudge through. 

So work, what do I say - the problem is still there and nothing really has changed.  But what I do about it, well the jury is still out on it.  Its a catch 22, do you look for the job and find the job that the grass is greener on the other side?  Or do you keep going and hope things get better.  Right now I have a great boss that is supportive of things and pretty much allows you to come and go as you need.  But would a new job have that same luxury?  Is it worth that chance?  Plus, in January I get that extra week of vacation.  Is it worth starting over there again?  Definitely not a decision that will be made any time soon.  I mean, let's be real, my resume is still from when I got the job in 2007, so some work would need to be done. I keep on, keepin on.

As for the 21 day challenge, well I needed to get my mind right.  Last week just wasn't it.  This week is better and I think I am ready to make that commitment tomorrow.  But, that doesn't mean that I have gone hog wild on food or anything like that.  I have been good about things.  Plus, Monday & Wednesday I stopped at Town Lake on my way home.  I did my 3 mile loop doing the couch to 5k progam.  My goal is to make this stop at least twice a week.  If anything - I get my workout in and the eye candy is nice.  :)  Plus, when I get home, the dogs are still getting a 1 1/2 mile walk.  So, 4 1/2 miles twice this week - well not too shabby.  I think I am moving in the right direction.

Now, tomorrow, I am trying something new and hopeful that maybe this can help relieve some of my pain.  My left heel/ankle is bothering me again - yes the one I spent 3 months in a walking boot with.  Then for good measure, the other hip is hurting me and it is starting to run down my leg.  Then there is the stress in my shoulders.  I think a razor blade might be a good description.  Or if you flick the muscle, it would snap.

This week we had a health fair.  So, one of the things they had you do is stand on this machine to see where you bear your weight.  So, when the lady asked me if I have ever had heel pain, I wasn't shocked.  Apparently a normal person carries their weight evenly on the balls of your feet and your heels.  Yep, mine is carried all on the heels and the outside of the feet.  Then for fun, I was shown how off kilter my spine really is.  So, tomorrow I am going for a free consultant with a chiropractor.  I am interested in hear what he has to say.  I told him my concern is the discs I already had surgery on and messing with them.  He has promised he only works on problem areas and helps stregthen the muscles where need be.  At this point - doesn't hurt to look into it if it makes me feel better.

It takes 21 days to....

Can you complete that sentence?  No? Maybe? It takes 21 days to form a habit.  Today is day one!  So how my eating and exercise got off tracks I really don't know.  In the past two weeks I have accomplished a lot getting better organized around the house but the food and exercise went to make room.  But, it isn't going to be about just the food and exercise.  I have been lazy lately and not been doing what I should be doing.  Church on the weekends, cleaning and everything else.  So, today was day one of putting it all together.  Managing the two jobs.  Having a clean house so it wouldn't be a scramble if unexpected company came. Being in control of my money so I don't have to have the Lowe's job.  Putting my body first so I can shop in my closet by exercising and making healthy food choices. 

Hopefully if all goes well - I'll be able to share my tips and tricks that I learned along the way.  Maybe a new recipe or two. 

Over all, today wasn't too bad.  Eating, well there were a few things that I could of done better but it was day one without the vending machine at work and eating fast food.  Win, win.  Another win was taking the two flights up to my desk.  On the way home I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few staples I was missing, the fruit, the veggies, the things I go through every week.  After a supper of soft tacos with Chicken and salsa it was time to walk the dogs.  We did our two mile walk.  I am not sure how long it took because the pups beg the attention of the neighbor kids so we always have to stop and say hi. 

Then it was home for my workout...day two of Self's Your Weight Minus 8.  Today was 30 minutes of pound zapper and the strength cards.  I don't know what was worse, the pound zapper or the cards.  The pound zapper was 4 minutes of jumping rope, 1 minute of jumping jacks, 1 minute rest, repeat the sequence three more times.  Four minutes is a LONG time to jump rope.  Then the strength cards.  WTF is all I can say.  I think the gym cards are easier than the at home cards.  I mean, do a squat on your tippy toes and then stand up, still on your balls of your feet and push weights over the top of your head.  It was a combination pilates, weights and torture.   Thank god I don't need to think about that for another three days!

So that was day one...time for a shower and early to bed...I'm exhausted!

Once upon a time, long, long, long time ago....

I blogged. 

I can't believe it has been that long!  Yikes! 

Well, what can I tell you...hmmm.  Nothing really exciting has been going on.

4th of July - well that was uneventful and probably disappointing.  I went with a few members of the secret society group from Lowe's to TGIFs downtown so we can have dinner and then watch fireworks.  Well, at the end of the day, the service was so bad we actually missed part of the fireworks because the waiter couldn't get his act together.  He honestly threw our cards at us and told us to go, he would comp our meals.  We didn't stay out too late because at the end of the day, we were too hungover from the day before. 

A few weeks after that, Runner joined me and a trip to the Curtis Cabin for the weekend.  A weekend of R&R was what the doctor ordered for us.  I think one can summarize everything with saying that we did see Elvis and MulletMan was dancing with CrystalGayle.  It was good times with Big Country & his family!!!

Work, well my day job work is now on day 10 of hell.  We changed our website security to require dual authentication.  You would think we are asking people to log into Nasa.  No one can remember a 6 digit password or answers to security questions.  We have been yelled at, cursed out, threatened, honestly had no idea how long work days could be.

Men, well that is a subject we will leave for another day.  Nothing worth reporting.  People in general like to say that woman are full of drama, well all I can say is that really, I think it is the men who have drama and woman taken the fall for it. 

A whole lot of....

Nothing. 

That is the excitement in my life right now.  Honestly the past two weeks I have just been trying to get back into the work out routine and just going through each day. Runner has got me back into the bike routine and I am so thankful for getting back on it.  The past two Wednesday's we have logged almost 15 mile rides.  I just remember the days of dredding softball practice.  But, now I found 15 miles in 100 degree heat indexes almost relaxing.  Amazing how that works. I have also been doing the Couch to 5K program again trying to get back into running form.  Is there a reason for all of it?  No, not really.  I just am putting myself first and getting things done rather than spending nights at home, on the couch in front of the tv. 

So, really my days are like clock work.  Tuesday's and Friday's there are "rest" days since I work both jobs.  The rest of the week you can find me working one job and logging some sort of exercise.  Crazy I am.

As for an update on the dating scene, well right now there is not a lot.  I have wrote off Vanilla.  Honestly, I deserve better.  There are two new guys that I have been talking to but so far no dates.  I would expect that I would have a date this week with at least one, if not both, of them.  Of course, I always have to wait until after the dates for DC to name, so for now, there is no names. 

George's Baggage

[Disclaimer - Guys you just might want to skip this one.]

So, Mother Nature and I have a love hate relationship.  I understand the need for George (my name for THAT time) to arrive every month.  However, don't get me wrong, some days I really question if I am ever going to have that experience.  That is another topic for another day.

Now, George comes in cycles.  I have learned to adapt to them and roll with his whims.  One thing I give him, he is at least consistent.  I can count 4 weeks out, and sure enough - he is back.  But, the luggage he drops off, I wish was consistent.  Some months it is light, the next month it is flood gates.  Truly I have been blessed with this disaster since George first arrived on the scene in junior high.  I really wish my mom would take those roses back - I mean really I don't enjoy this "welcoming" to womanhood.  Of course, there was the time the ER doctor told me I shouldn't be alarmed that I was going through a Super Plus every 15 minutes - that was normal.  WTF?

Sorry, digressing.  Well, George was due for arrival on Friday and as is normal, George arrived without much fanfare.  Sunday, well that all changed.  I knew George was a little heavier on baggage if you will but didn't think much of it.  I headed out to Walmart to buy groceries for the week.  Of course, they didn't have a number of things that I needed and I headed across the road to HEB.  Well, by the time I got into the store, I had that uncomfortable feeling.  But the feeling was beyond uncomfort.  I honestly knew I was in serious trouble and was just trying to get out of the store.  Have you ever tried to walk quickly while squeezing your legs together, praying to God few people notice and the damage can be minimized?  Yep, impossible. Similar to the scene out of Super Bad, I just had my period in the grocery store instead of on someones leg. 

Well, George didn't finish there and continued to create havoc on the rest of my evening.  After four clothes changes, he finally decided he could be normal again.  Just like a man, easily can &uck with your plans when you weren't expecting it.  I think 9 months of pregnancy and not having to deal with George...well bliss.

Shut Down Mode

Back home at my old gig, we referred to this mode when someone (we know who) was in one of those modes that didn't care and didn't do anything. Since the debacle with Sgt. Drama, I feel like I have been living in that mode. Work not so much, home life, yes. I am trying to kick myself out of it, but not making much headway.
My "holiday" weekend started Thursday at 2. Yeah for having a cool boss that sends us out early when it is dead. That being said - I still didn't get home until after 6. Went to the allergy doctor for my shots, then had the dreaded female doctor's appointment. They called and said "it's nothing to worry about" but I had an abnormal pap and they wanted to recheck in 3 months. Obviously they didn't read my chart to know my history of pre-cervical cancer changes, all the crap I went through about 10 years ago. But that is for another day. Of course, being April's Fools day - babies were being born left & right. That translated into my appointment being almost an hour late by the time the doctor saw me. It was short, definitely not sweet, and then he was off because a patient was having complications. I finally left the office at 5 from a 3:45 appointment. From there, it was off to get a haircut and my hour of Stylist’s therapy. Just a trim but love the entertainment that comes with it.
Friday I was in slow motion. But, I did manage to thoroughly clean two rooms of the house and start on the other two. Normally I just mop or swifter my wood floors. But in the movement of spring - I got on the hands & knees and scrubbed. Who knew one has so many dust bunnies. At 5, it was off to Lowe's.
Saturday was a beautiful day. I had to work until 3 at Lowe's and the shift really flew by just because it was so busy - everyone is in spring mode. I went home and worked on cleaning some more. Then I met Install back at Lowe's with Guinness & Finnegan. We headed to Town Lake to do the 4 mile trail. It was my first time taking both dogs and I don't know if I will take them both again. I think it took a 1/2 hour for them just to calm down and walk. Ugggh! I had a nice time with Install and we are going to make it a weekly Saturday thing.
Sunday - well I just couldn't find the heart to go to Church. I know - it is Jesus day. But, the Christers (Christmas/Easter goers) come out and it is this big family thing. I was by myself. No family to go with and everyone else was working. So, I skipped it. I do feel bad but until you are in that position, you just don't know what it is like. I did spend the day outside working in the yard once the drizzle cleared out. I was quite proud of my repairing of the fence. Finnegan has taken to eating through the fence to get to the dogs on the other side he does not like. So, I had to replace 8 boards and only managed to smack my thumb once. Yeah me! I potted knew flowers in my containers and made sure all my perennials were coming up. Ironically, a Hosta that died midsummer last year came back up but one that I had all summer hasn't reappeared. Weird.
After all that, I grilled myself a fine Ribeye and settled in with a cocktail and The Hangover. Definitely need to buy this movie! Love it!