Where does time go?

WOW!   Six months?  Really doesn't seem that long ago that I was here.

What's even more of a WOW factor is that there are even followers that still come back and troll to see that I have failed, failed to update you on life, failed to even say what's up!  Yes, the the world continues to spin here in Texas, some days way faster than I want, some days in a direction I do not want but....

Oh life. 

I have wrote hundred's of blog posts in my mind over the past six months.  I have wrote even more in the past month.  There is so much on my mind these past few weeks that I would love to share with everyone but I am just not at that place that I am ready to talk about it, YET.  (Never fear...it is not health related, no I am not Pregnant and no I am not getting married!)

There is one thing for certain that I know, how life is today, is not how I probably pictured it the day I walked across the stage when I graduated high school.  It probably is not how I pictured it when I left college.  I know that it is not what I imaged it being at the beginning of December, but then again I never imagine January being what it was back in the first of December either.  Surly today as I sit writing this, I never pictured this month being what it was, maybe if ever, in my lifetime.

One thing I do know is that life happens.  No matter how much we plan, no matter how much we think we have it laid out in front of us, life happens and really the only person that knows where we will end up in life is the man upstairs.  What we can do in life is grow from it, learn from it and embrace the challenges that have been laid out in front of us.  God gives us the choice in life.  We can choose to be bitter and angry or we can choose to be positive and seek growth from the challenges He gives us. 

In the end, it's a matter of how do you want to face your maker, do you want to say, I accepted Your challenge and look at the better person you made me...or do you want to say well screw you, you handed me a life of lemons and crap and I am just over it.  The choice is within each of us and I think just writing this post helped me clear out some of my fog from today and made me focus back on what my choice always is.  Of course some love from Momma Bear never hurts either.

So, with that said, I clearly have some catching up to do...about 6 months worth and a lot of insight to share along the way.  I have done a lot of growing, especially in the past few weeks and definitely a lot more to go in the coming months.  If you are following this blog, you will be growing with me.  This will be a personal, spiritual, financial, life growing journey.

 

Stay tuned...I promise it won't be 6 more months before you hear from me...maybe more like 6 hours.  Until then, remember, your glass is half full or at least has room for a refresher. 

Love ya!

Reality Check

Why is it that for some friends, we wait until Christmas and the Holiday's to catch up?  Why is it that we are lazy and send out these mass letters to family and friends telling them, hey this is what is up?  Why don't we check in more often? 

Wow I am so ever guilty of this.  I know, I have this blog and for some, if they choose not to catch up here, too bad, so sad.  I won't even get into how I am so terrible I even had a card come back because I never updated an address, heaven knows how long ago they moved!  I probably should post my Christmas letter here just for the few that may never have received it!  I know I was a terrible friends to my friends in Austin.  :(

But, sometimes you get those letters back and just are in awe and feel like the worst friend ever!  It reminds you of how precious life is and how important some things really are!  So, while I know that most of my goals are lined out for the New Year, this one is getting added to the floater list - be in my friends lives' for 2012 - call them, write them, be there!  I might just need a tab so I can go back and make my quick reference for 2012 resolutions!

Where am I going with all this?  Well, obviously I haven't been the best about keeping up with everyone or seeing everyone when I come back for visits!  Sometimes it is just hard.  But, nothing prepared me for the letter I received from my friend Mo.  Mo and I date back to my first "real" job after college.  It is impossible to imagine that we have known each other as long as we have.  I mean, it seems like just yesterday.  I can remember the day that she went into labor with her first child and for whatever reason, I even managed to get the time of birth right in the office pool - weird fact I know.  That "baby" is now 13.  It doesn't seem possible.

Mo is just a year older than me and went in for her first mammogram at age 36 just because of some family history.  I do not know if it was in relationship to breast cancer or another type, but right away they found a spot of "interest".  One year later, after monitoring, she was diagnosed with  DCIS, ductal carcinoma in situ.  As Mo shared in the letter, she never found a lump and it is hard to say how her story would of ended up if she waited until she was 40 to have that first mammogram. 

I have been catching up with her carepage and reading all she has been through.  I can only imagine how tough things have been but at the same time know some of the day to day struggles a cancer patient goes through sitting beside my friend Little Hammer and watching her battle Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Being a crier, the tears came when I saw the picture of Mo's long, beautiful hair gone and her comparing herself to her husband and who looks better bald.  Such a great spirit and great person, I love you Mo.  I haven't finished reading all of her entries but so far, everything seems to being going as well as one could expect.

The reality check in all of this is, have you had a Mammogram?  I know a lot of you are my age and haven't hit that 40 yet.  I know my doctor's office had me do a baseline at 35 so I have had the initial one.  However, with this gut check, I have made some calls to my insurance company.  When I had the initial one, my tech told me to check with my insurance company because some companies will cover the mammogram every year and not require you to wait until you were 40.  I thought it was silly and not needed but needless to say I made that call now!  My insurance company will cover it and you can bet that I will be scheduling that mammogram with my well woman check later this year! 

I ask that you include Mo and her family in your prayers tonight that God continues to provide healing and strength in the coming days and months as she finishes her chemotherapy and transitions through raditaion!

A Season to be Thankful!

It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving has already come and gone this year.  Even more amazing is that working two jobs is over a month past.  I cannot imagine ever going back to working two jobs nor do I think I will ever take on that challenge!  I think I can find other things to occupy my time!

Life definitely has had some interesting and good changes on my end.  Part of me still has that apprehension that nags in the back of my mind but it is something that I am slowly working through.  I like to think of it as baby steps in having a healthy relationship for a change.  Yep, I said that word, relationship.

Now, I must put this disclaimer out there that we have not used the words boyfriend/girlfriend to describe our status.  However, it is probably pretty safe to say that it is more than just dating.  Since Halloween, NoDIY and I have been spending a lot of time together, or at least as much as works.  Right now he lives 30 miles south of me which means if there is ZERO traffic, it takes at least 30 minutes to get there.  But, since I have to pass through downtown, it is not very often that I have zero traffic opportunities.  So, that said, we don't really spend much time together during the work week and spend most of the time together on the weekends.

Okay, well maybe I should say that we spend the entire weekend together, or close to it.  It is either me going down to his place or him coming up to my house.  We actually were talking last night that about how easy it is to be around each other and not feel like we have to be someone else or if he is at my house, I don't have that feeling of hosting a guest there.  Of course the pups love him and I continue to joke with him that the dogs get more love than I do!

As for Thanksgiving in Austin, this year was different.  I have a test that I need to take for work that my annual bonus is tied to.  So, even though I LOVE my Houston family, I do like that money in the bank at year end and opted to stay in Austin so I could focus on studying.  I did spend the day at NoDIY's house after doing a few loads of laundry and getting a four mile run in.  We had a very non-traditional meal of steak, potatoes, chicken noodles and corn.  Don't get me wrong, I did miss the turkey and all the family traditions but sometimes change is good too!

So that is my goings on right now.  Life consists of work, studying, running, and a boy.  I don't think life is too bad!

Redneck VIP Dream

Yes, it was the VIP dream weekend.  I don't know if it was on my Bucket List originally but it is now and it is crossed off.  Last week one of my co-workers asked if I would go to Dallas with her this past weekend.  Pirate scored suite tickets to the Nationwide Series race on Saturday in Fort Worth through her Nationwide rep.  Unfortunate for Pirate's husband, he could not go and lucky me got to go instead!  Okay, well really I was the back up to the back up but who cares!

Pirate left work at noon that day so she could spend time with her family in Dallas.  I worked pretty close to a normal day, headed home to take care of the pups, finish packing and then met her at her cousins house.  It was a nice evening in which her aunts, uncles and cousins all got together for dinner and allowed me to join in.  We stayed up late, well 11, chatting with her cousins. 

As painful as it was, the alarm clock went off at 5 am Saturday.  We had to be out of the house so we could head towards Fort Worth from Waxachachie (I love names of towns in Texas), drop off my car at the hotel and get to the race track by 8 am.  We managed to make it happen!

Yes - we were royalty!  We had VIP Valet parking!  We had tickets to the Nationwide suite, provided with breakfast and a bunch of fun things, hats, blankets, etc from Nationwide.  After Breakfast, Kenny Wallace came to talk to our group.  We actually learned of the suspension of Kyle Busch right before it had been announced on ESPN.  After he was done, we took group pictures with him.  (I'm still waiting on those!).

We then went in groups down to the track.  We received behind the scenes tours of the Garages, Pit Row, Winners Circle and the Start/Finish Line.  I posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook and need to go back and explain what they all are.  I never realized that all racers have two cars brought to the track just in case something happens with their main car during qualifying.  When we were down on the Start/Finish line, it was right before the Nationwide race was going to start and they were introducing all of the drivers for that day before they took them on a lap around the track.  We were up close and personal with the drivers!  I was so close, as you can see in this picture,  that I even managed to give Danica Patrick a high five as she walked by!

After the introductions, we were escorted back up to the suite where we were provided lunch and was able to watch the race.  Let's just say that a Nascar race in person is just about as exciting as it is on TV.  Although, the Texas Motor Speedway is known to be a boring track because it is so big, the cars are spread out and there are not a lot of wrecks.  I will say that I did realize that the cars go a LOT faster than they appear on TV.  We were able to watch the Sprint Cup Drivers do their practice runs in the morning and it was crazy.  But, they were gone from the garages by the time I got to tour.  :(  And, these drivers are so short that I never realized how short they were.  Heck, with heels, I was taller than some of them and we know that is saying a lot.

If you ever get a chance to go, I suggest renting a pair of these sexy headphones.  Just it tunes out some of the noise but it also allows you to listen to the radio.  Basically you pick your car number and you can hear the radio conversations between the driver, the spotters and the pits.  Pretty awesome!  I'd say I rocked Redneck Sexy! 

Kinda Goolish

You know, I think that I could get use to this not working two jobs.  :) 

Really, it didn't hit me until yesterday that I don't have Lowe's to go to anymore.  The weekend felt just like, a weekend off from Lowe's.  Friday night, my roommate, RN, and I went costume shopping.  Well, apparently either the costumes got smaller when they shipped or they are still using the sizing from 20 years ago because a 10-14 which should fit me, well was way crazy tight.  So, I became the plus-size girl costume.  :)  The Risky Ref.

Now Saturday, it is crazy amazing the things one can do without working at Lowe's and then just being tired from working all the time!  My Lowe's Saturday usually consisted of me working 7 - 2 and then going home and taking a nap for an hour or two, then trying to cram everything else into the night.

Well, not this week.  I managed to sleep in.  Got up, took the Grey Speed Racer in to get the oil changed and washed.  Of course, they also pointed out that I should have my brake fluid replaced since I had never had it done and it has 60,000 miles.  So, I put up the dough for that.  After that, I ran a few errands and then went and exchanged RN's shoes and found some shoes for me for the party.  Was a little late getting home so utilized the DVR to catch up on my Husker game.  They were awesome!  After that, it was time to get down to some cleaning, complete with a hands & knees scrub the floor kind of cleaning.  After that, I took the dogs for a run, then hit the gas station & liquor store and it was finally time to get ready for the party.  (Anyone else tired - cause I should of been!)

NoDIY and I have been texted back and forth a lot lately.  No idea what prompted it, but it has been happening.  Anyway, he was having a Halloween Party and invited me to go. RN decided she would go to and so, after she got off work, we headed south.  I think probably my most awkward moment of the night was when we got there and were told everyone was outside.  Of course, we walk out the door to realize there were two girls there and then us two and of course, the deck was covered with all guys.  It was just weird to walk out and have everyone staring and not really seeing faces to know where NoDIY was in the crowd. 

But, in the end, it was a really fun night.  Julie left early because she had a 12 hour shift the next day.  I, on the other hand, did not make it out until noon the next day.  Heehee.  I think it was midnight when we all opted to go to the bar and then went back to NoDIY's house and had more drinks and of course, he had out of control friend drama break out.  Some of which was the first I had ever seen and hope I don't witness that again.  Then, since he is at least 40 minutes south of my house, I did the responsable thing and didn't drive home.

RN is on the far left, NoDIY in the middle and myself on the far right

Of course, every fun time should end with the flu.  After spending half the day thinking it was a hangover, I realized by 6 pm it was the stomach flu.  When you can't even keep toast or liquids down, it is more than a hangover!  Yesterday I managed to keep food down but my stomach still hated me.  Never mind the dehydration headache I still had going and the fact I am still battling the allergies and trying to avoid getting a sinus infection.  Can you say Train Wreck?  Oh, and I should mention that one of the dogs has this flu stuff too, so even when I think I am getting better, I have come home to a lovely mess that makes me sick all over again.

Back in the right direction

Well last week I failed to blog about my Weight Watcher's update.  I don't know if it was a "forgot", so much as didn't wanted to admit.  It wasn't pretty.  I was up.  I realized I can't have a free for all weekend and still hope that the rest of the week makes up for it.  Apparently it doesn't work that way. 

This week I did better.  I still need to focus on journaling.  I know that if I get that process going, the rest will really start going.  I also started my Couch to 5K again.  I am on Week 1, Day 3 now, so not far into it, but starting. 

My day yesterday was exhausting and posted as much on Facebook last night.  Here it was:
6:55 am - Left the house for work
7:00 am - Stopped at the gas station
7:40 am - Stopped at the grocery store for a few staples
7:45 am - Got to work
11:30 am - Took a friend to the Urgent Care center (fingers & blenders did not mix well, even if it is a protein shake)
12:45 pm - Back at it
4:30 pm - Left office and changed into work out clothes.
5:20 pm - Got to WW meeting center.  Took off for my 1/2 hour run
5:50 pm - Weighed in and went to the meeting
6:40 pm - Headed home with a stop at Petco for dog food
7:05 pm - Got home, made supper for me and watched bits of The Biggest Loser
8:00 pm - Back out the door for softball
9:40 pm - Returned home and took the dogs on a 20 minute walk

Hmmmm - I wonder why I am tired all the time.  But - I do enjoying playing softball twice a week again and actually am liking the Tuesday night league better.  It is a much more competitive team!

Oh yeah - better share my success from yesterday:

Junior High

So I determined yesterday that when I go to work at Lowe's, I am transported back in time to Junior High.  Or at least that is the age level of some of the full time associates that work there.

I hadn't seen or worked with SkinnyBiotch since the fall out previously blogged about.  The Sunday after the blowout, Eye Candy came over to talk.  Well, it was clear from our conversation that SkinnyBiotch filled him in on everything, that I was upset with her for not telling me and that she had unfriended me on Facebook. He was upset that a friendship was ending and begged me to fix it.  He explained to me why he hadn't told me and I got that.  He told me that I was the older of the two and that I needed to fix it.  In my mind, it was what it was, a difference of opinion and I wouldn't treat her any different that I had previously.

Fast forward a week to yesterday.  It was the first day that I had seen SkinnyBiotch since the fall out and the chat with Eye Candy.  Well, it went exactly like I expected to, immaturity on the part of the SkinnyBiotch.  Ironically, she was always professing how she kept secrets, blah, blah, blah.  Well, we know it isn't true because Eye Candy wouldn't of know about the fall out if that was the case. 

Well, when I saw her, I said, "Hey girl, what's up".  Of course, I don't even know if I got a grunt out of her but she looked the other way and walked off like we were in Junior High.  I wonder if she really thought she was hurting my feelings?  To me, it just reaffirmed the type of person that she is. 

However, you would think the story ends there, because she doesn't gossip and tell other people's business, right?!?  WRONG.  Apparently she is filling in other little clicky worker bees on the story, which I don't know how she can tell the story without filling in the background of me and Eye Candy, but now these clicky friends will not speak to me and are unfriending me on Facebook.

Can we say, Junior High?  Of course, the ironic piece of it all is that Eye Candy and I are still good friends.

I think this picture summarizes what is left of this story and anything I have left to say about SkinnyBiotch.

Jaded

So I should that the bright side of the story to come is that so far I have managed to avoid my stress eating and will not cave to it. It isn't worth it.


I called Runner yesterday because I knew that if I blogged about it, she would of been the only one to respond on what her thoughts were. But then, after the full ramification of everything set in, I was just in shock and had to blog about it. My momma says I am wrong, Runner says I am right. Whatever the answer is, in the end I have learned that they probably really weren't a friend at all.

It's Lowe's drama. I hate it and have decided that working there or not, I am done with that drama and being friends with anyone there. They better be darn special or I am out. There was a group of five that like to refer to themselves as the "Wolfe Pack", think The Hangover. Now, individually I am friends with all them, probably closer to two of them than the other three. However, I was NOT part of the Wolfe Pack and it was always made clear. I was told on more than one occasion by The Skinny Biotch that I just don't understand that they have been through so much together. In any event, they would do things together, for example travel to San Antonio for dinner & partying, that was Wolfe Pack only. Basically, if you weren't part of the five, you were excluded.

I have always felt that I had things in common with Skinny Biotch. She was single, just bought her first house, similar in age, etc. Anyway, I helped her all the time. Helped her move, mowed & loaned my lawn mower when she first got her house and didn't have one, hauled things in my car for her to her house. Friends do that. We would go out to dinner. If she had a bad day, I would invite her over after work for dinner. I thought we were friends.

Then there is the guy that I will call Eye Candy who is also part of the Wolfe Pack. Heaven knows that he is eye candy but is a completely down to earth guy. There is a certain attraction factor there and he reminds me a lot of guys that I have dated. However, he is over 10 years my younger and because of that I would never date him because I would never see it working out. I have joined him and his family for pick up softball games before. Well, over time, let's just say that it was more than just friends, friends with benefits I think they call it. It was one of those things that just happened and I knew it would it ever go any farther than were it was, in my head we would never "date".


So, the inter-twine comes in that Skinny Biotch considered Eye Candy a brother. They had been involved for a time, which I didn't know when I first got together with Eye Candy. But, she was fully aware of what was going on between Eye Candy and I.

I truly love how Facebook has become the new medium to "announce" things. Yesterday Eye Candy posted some new pictures of an adorable little girl. Well, apparently in all of our time around each other, he failed to mention that he was going to be a dad. Is he with the baby momma? I don't know, if he is I know he hasn't been faithful. I was caught off guard by it but after talking to him, understood that he wanted to tell his family first and that we were friends that just had the extra.

Well, I sent a text to Skinny Biotch to see if she had talked to him lately? She asked what was up and I told her that he is a dad. Her response was "Yeah, I have known for awhile. I am happy that he is happy. I'm glad you finally know." WTF?!?!?! That I finally know?

Okay, maybe I am missing something but to me this breaks friend code. If you know your girlfriend has been shagging with a guy and learns he is going to be a dad, you inform your girlfriend of this, right?!? I mean, I get that he wasn't telling people and she is friends with him but shouldn't she of at least filled me in so I wasn't shagging with him?

My stance is that if it was my friend, I would of had respect for my girlfriend and both friendships to tell the girlfriend and respect that she would keep it quiet and put an end to things. However, Skinny Biotch's stance is that she was told something in secret and it needs to be kept that way. Well, because I even questioned her about it and why she didn't tell me, I was informed that I completely insulted her, she was NOT coming to my house Saturday for the football party and got home last night to learn that we are also no longer friends on Facebook, her doing.

Looking back, I just laugh at it. It is petty drama and I still will stand that if the shoe were reversed, I would have said something. Maybe it is fucked up in my brain because I am not mad that Eye Candy didn't tell me right away but feel that Skinny Biotch should of.  But, in the end it doesn't matter.  Skinny Biotch made it clear friendship she liked better and obviously it wasn't mine when she ended our friendship. 

It is probably wrong for me to say, but I just don't care.  Maybe I am jaded.  However, I have been through so much shit in my life that I have to have people in my life that have my back.  If you can't support me and help me through it or even get why I might be upset by something, then I don't want you in my life.  I'm jaded.

That Day

Yep, it has just been one of those days.  You know the days that it just seems like one thing after another?  The day that doubt just creeps in so quickly?  That the glass no longer feels half full but either empty or ready to say Fuck It and throw it down and smash it.  It is THAT day.

Let me just start of with that I have had to make some really hard decisions this past month.  They haven't been easy decisions and I haven't talked about them on here.  They are personal and something I have needed to deal with, something I do not want to be judged on.  If you don't know what I am talking about, don't worry, you are not alone, most do not.  Have no fear though, the are ultimate decisions for the best.

So, with that said, my stress level has probably been high and just dealing with things as they came.  I had a wonderful week off with my parents and aunt visiting and just was getting back into a grove of a little less stress.  Now, I must note that yesterday was the first day that I had to work both jobs in two weeks so I know that I was tired. Plus last night I was asked to serve as the Head Cashier since the one scheduled called out.  Obviously that in itself was an honor because there is a lot of responsibility and training that goes with it.  So, to be asked to do it with no training was great.  But, it was also some added stress because I was responsible for all the cashiers, making sure all the registers and money were closed and deposited at the end of the night, etc.  Needless to say, I was extra tired just making sure I got it all done and did it right.

Then today came.  It started as a joke.  Last night we had an upgrade to one of our databases, it was minor, but the calendar had been blocked so no one could be off and it actually had been rescheduled since the original date was set when I was on vacation.  The joke, the boss called out.  Now we know that if I would of done that, I would of either been drug to the office, for certain written up, if not fired.

Then there was a phone call.  Last week I went to see the female doctor for the annual check up.  It was the standard thing with the standard, if your tests results are normal, we will just send you a letter.  If there is anything we need to discuss, well we will call.  Well, they called and as it always happens, I was not at my desk to call back.  Of course, the message says not to worry but ummm, if you are calling you are obviously concerned about something right?  I called back within two minutes and got the nurses voicemail.  And I called back two hours later, same thing.  Called a little later, got the operator, transferred to the nurses station and yup, voicemail.

So, by now my head is spinning.  Now maybe I should clarify that in my 20's, I had pre-cervical cancer changes.  It was treated and every once in awhile something causes a flag and then need to just double check, no problem.  However, my mind was thinking...maybe there is cancer like changes again? But, then there was the full range of STD tests they ran.  I am a single lady and you can never be too careful. What if I have a STD?  What if it is HIV?  Then there was the full wellness blood panel they ran, for cholesterol and all that other fun stuff.  Maybe I have high cholesterol? And because I am my mothers child's, I continued to worry.  I had cancer or HIV, I just knew it.  The best news, by the time I left work at 4:30, the doctors office was closed and they never called back.  I got to sleep on it.

And because I like to worry and stress about things, I was starting to think that things were not right with Chicago, you know my one hope at meeting a normal guy, having a normal dating relationship.  Yeah, well not so much.  I texted him to see what was up and nothing prepared me for the answer I got, especially when I figured I would be seeing him this weekend.  The text....'To be honest, I have been busy but decided to move back to Chicago next month.  My mom has breast cancer and it is tough.  I'd rather be there.  I'm sorry.  Didn't decide till about a week ago and wasn't sure.'  So, that was it.  The end.  My chance at normal and something positive, a turn for the good.

Of course, that happened right before my appointment with Hairdresser.  She knew I was off my game as much as I would like to try and hide it.  :)  But, we just had normal and stayed away from the Chicago conversation while she readjusted my blonde that had fallen.  Well, while I was baking under the lamps, the phone rang...it was the doctor's office.  Thank goodness they opted to stay past 6 tonight to call me.  So, the bright side is that I do not have cancer, do not HIV, do not have any STDs.

However, because I am my Grandmother's granddaughter (my mom said I had to blame her), my blood sugar was higher than they would like to see for someone that had been fasting and had not eaten anything since the night before at supper.  Based upon the conversation with the nurse, for most, they would probably not worry about it and run a follow up test in year.  But given my genes...a grandmother, a mother, a uncle and a brother who all have diabetes, I can't wait.  Just grand.

So, that is my day.  I lost a great thing in a good guy because I always have that luck.  The good ones the timing always seems to be wrong and the bad ones, well they just suck.  Now, I have to deal with the odds of having diabetes.  I know it was one test, but given my genetics the odds are stacked against me and I know that one can live with it, its just a game changer.

Tonight, I just feel alone.  A nameless face behind words.  A person that is tired of fighting.  Tired of trying to do the right thing.  Tired of being in a big state and feeling so small.  Tired of missing out on my families activities.  Tired of not being able to do things with my friends here.  Tired of my phone never ringing.  Just tired of being tired.  Tired of That Day!

Higher Aspirations

Yes, it is true, I do have aspirations in life. 

Well as been the case for a few weeks now, Vanilla Horndog has been a pain in my tail.  He tries to keep track of what I am doing and likes to text "Are you ready?", which is code for him of I want to get together and have sex. (Sorry mom & aunts...I have had sex before).  I told him no which his response was you will be ready soon enough.  Of course, that just lit a fire under me and pisses me off.  I responded that the only way I was going to be ready is if I was in a relationship with someone and could see them at least once of week.  Of course, he tried to make it seem like I was being mean and that he just enjoyed good sex with me.  Well, never fear...I set him straight and haven't heard from him since then.  I told him that I didn't enjoy time with him but I am no longer going to be the girl that is good enough in bed but not good enough to date (unless you get sex) or be in a relationship with.   Call it wrong, but I have higher aspirations than being just a good lay in bed.  I am not sure if it was pointing out the lack of dating or my aspiration but haven't heard from him since then.  Boys.

Then there is the bright side of the story.  The new guy.  This one might have a chance to be around for awhile.  Per DC, he will be named Chicago.  LOL...personally I think since she is off today that her brain is soft.  (Luv ya girl!)  In any event, we have gone out twice now.  He has been in Austin a little over a year, moving here from Chicago.  He took a job for his friend that also moved here with his family and works as a Lobbyist for the Retired Teachers Association.  I understand enough to know they handle a lot of the retirement funds.  In true fashion, he also meets my tall definition and only stands at 6'4".  He played college basketball at Sourthern Illinois.

Last night I went to his apartment and we played Bocce Ball.  He lives in an apartment community owned by Jerry Jones and let's just say that, like the Cowboys stadium, it is over the top.  There are 9 pools, a fitness center that even offers classes, and among other things two Bocce Ball courts.  We had a lot of fun playing until the sunset and the lights were turned off.  :(  Afterwards we watched the NFL football game and relaxed.  So, if all continues to go well, we might have some Chicago stories in the future!

On a completely seperate note, I stepped on the scale today (I know I should do that every day!) but I finally hit my first 10 lbs lost.  Of course now I just need to hold on until next week for it to become OFFICIAL.

45 Lessons Life Taught Me

I was sent this by my cousin today and felt it was something that was just worth sharing with all!  Enjoy!

                                                                                                                                           

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio ..

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.  It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good..
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15.. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words :'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life..
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life.. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Journey

For a long time I have been wanting a new tattoo. Actually, two of them. One of them I wanted to get was the Chinese character for Strength on the back of my wrist. The other one was to be on my foot, footprints with the Chinese character for Courage.


Well, Saturday during my friends pool party, we got to talking about tattoos and the "Do it" chant was on and I just decided I was ready, I wanted to get one. Of course, the beauty of making that decision with friends means that they can give advice on how and what it should look like. One of the challenges is that I was struggling to find the correct translation for the word courage in Chinese. I didn't want it to be something totally wrong and end up with something that was totally wrong. That said, I think that the majority of individuals agreed, I just need to put the word itself and not the symbol.

So off to the Tattoo parlor we went. I opted to do the one on my foot and not the strength one. So my left foot has now forever been branded.

I think that for anyone that knows me, no explanation needs to be given on the meaning behind it.  I have faced a number of challenges in life that have required not only courage but faith to get through them.  The footprints, well they are the Footprints in the Sand - God definitely carried me through some of those darkest hours.  Courage, well, some mornings it took a lot of Courage just to put the two feet on the ground and hope for the best.  God was with me through it all but sometimes you have to make those choices that may be tough at the time and hope those are the choices God wanted you to make.

I know that my Journey is not done yet but I now have this reminder of where I am going and why.  

Oooopsss

I was doing so good on blogging and then, well, I guess I just fell of the planet.  

Oh it has been such a mixed bag of emotions these days and sometimes I just wish I could curl up in a ball and just wake back up when life was normal again.  That things were easy, carefree and I had it all.  Sometimes, on the outside I know I look like I have it all together, but on the inside I feel like it is all falling apart and I wish I could undo things.  Where do I even begin to tell the story at?  It is going to be a long one so grab your coffee because you just might need it.

Work, that thing that you have to do every day, that you should spend half of your waking hours at, that place you should love to go to.  I know that if you asked me a couple of years ago, while some things weren't perfect, I loved my job and loved what I do.  Today, I just feel like it is another anchor around my ankles.  My boss and I butt heads to the 10th degree on everything.  The favoritism was so unbelievable before I went on vacation it was insane.  Never mind him going postal on me because my dog needed an emergency vet appointment and I wouldn't be in the office to cover phones while he was in a meeting.  (It is important to note that the following day we both were in the same meeting and we would have the same coverage issues.)  Of course, it takes me  saying the discrimination in an email about treatment by him to his boss that makes things some what tolerable.  Funny how one word makes others take notice. Maybe part of it is me bringing it on myself and that what I do today does not require a college degree, it has changed so much from when I first started and it doesn't require any thought and just requires patience, something I lack at.  I won't even get into how I still make less today than I did when I left Nebraska in 2007.  I know I said I was okay with the pay cut and having a better boss, but I don't think I imagined it being 2011 and still making less than what I did four years ago.

Maybe it is Lowe's and just being burned out from working all the time.  But, I have to do it, I don't have a choice in the matter.  Without Lowe's, I couldn't pay the bills.  Unfortunately it is a necessary evil.  I have tried to make friends there but the drama that comes with it, it just isn't worth it.  Don't get me wrong, there are good people there but I always feel like I some how get sucked back into the drama of the others around them.  I wish I didn't have to work there, but I do and don't have a choice.  I need to be happy about going in to work instead of listening to people complain about things that go on there.  If I just go in, do my job and leave, I appear to be bitchy/snooty.  But, when you work seven days a week, where else can you make friends?  I have some at the other job and maybe I just need to make more of an effort there.  At least they tend to be drama free or if there is drama, it is a different kind.  

I miss my friends back home and the way things use to be.  Of course, I know that if I go back home, things won't be the same as they were.  It so hard to believe that when I moved here in 2007 on of my best friends and I were so close to being the in the same place.  Both were in relationships, both saw marriage in our future.  Today, how far apart we are....I am no closer to marriage than the day I went to college.  She on the other hand is married, happy has two beautiful kids and I don't hear from her because she has the "perfect" life.  

Sometimes I want to scream why me?  Why couldn't life be easy for me?  Why does God constantly throw things road blocks up at me?  I was a good kid in high school.  I got good grades, stayed out of trouble and I just don't know.  Sure I rebelled a bit when I got to college but I think we all did.  Then there was the sexual assault, I mean why did a bad choice on my part cause that to happen?  Didn't God know I was saving myself and that wasn't how I wanted to lose my virginity?  

Maybe that has jaded me.  Maybe that one event will define the rest of my life.  I hope not but look where I am.  As much as I have dealt with it, went to counseling on it, think I am over it, I still feel it haunts me and my relationships.  I grew up in a great family, with tons of love, support, kids and just a great sense of family values and there was nothing that I ever wanted more in life to have that.  Now, here I am 37 years old and watching the days pass on that that opportunity. The guys I meet are either only interested in sex or one of us isn't into the other.

I always think I am okay, that I just trudge along, people think I am rock strong and then it takes just little things to send me into a tail spin.  I have officially become the last one from my college softball team that has never been married and has no kids.  Me!  I just don't get how it ended up being me?  It sucks, 100%.  I know, you'll say you don't need a man to make you happy, they can bring problems, blah, blah blah.  Do this, for an entire week, go home to yourself every day and don't talk to anyone unless you call them.  Fix dinner for one.  Do all the cleaning.  Do all the laundry.  Yard Work.  Exercise.  It sucks! Now imagine doing that day in and day out for years.  

I know that when I came back from my vacation I was home sick.  Part of me didn't want to leave but part of me was ready to come back.  I love my family to death and love spending time with them.  I love spending time with my little man and am happy that my brother is so happy.  But then again, it sometimes feels like a dagger and a reminder of the perfect life.  So much has changed that I know if I moved back it wouldn't be the same.  My friends have all changed.  I have changed.  I can't get back what I had and can't go back in time.  Before anyone says just move back, it isn't possible.  I have a house now.  A house that lost all of the equity in it the past two years because prices continue to drop.  Now because of our lovely leaders, interest rates will go up and it would be even harder to sell.  No thank you.

Sometimes I just wish I could hit the backspace key and just do parts of life over again.  Would I go back all the way to college and undo that one night?  I don't know.  But sometimes I really wonder what life would of been had I just listened to my family and understand they only wanted the best for me when they pushed leaving the EX.  But I didn't.  I walked away from a job that paid well, from a softball organization I built, from a head varsity coaching job, from a great support system of family and friends all because I found love.  I wish I realized back then that love shouldn't come at the cost of all that and if it is real love, it wouldn't cost you anything, it enhances things.

I am sure come a day, a week or a month from now, I wish I could do the back space key on this post.  But it is how I feel today.  I don't have it all together right now.  My puzzle is all jumbled up and nothing seems to fit.  I know that in the days and weeks to come, the pieces will start coming together but today I just can't see how it is going to work.  I am tired.  I am tired of trying my hardiest and working my tail off and feeling like I just am not getting anywhere.  I am tired of feeling like I have to give up this or that just so I can save enough money for tires for my car or someone to put ceiling fans in my house.  I just need life and God to give me a break for a long time!

And friends, when I don't come running to help with your personal problems, please don't be mad!  I just need a break from being the rock, the go to person for advise for awhile.  I need a rock to stabilize me for a change.  I need to time to figure out me and not seeking out the approval of people in unhealthy ways.  I just need to "re"rock myself.

That's all for today.

Blogging Project - Day 16

Bullet Your Whole Day

5:30 am - First Alarm goes off trying to coax me out of bed.6:05 am - Finally made it out of bed. (Yes - I am not a morning person)
6:55 am - Out the door and on the way to work

7:25 am - Stop at the grocery store for fruit & lunch (I didn't make it to the grocery store this weekend & have I mentioned I LOVE summer traffic?)

7:40 am - First Diet Coke and the work day begins!

8:45 am - I take a break

11:30 am - Enjoyed a Lean Cuisine for lunch.

12:15 pm - Spent 45 minutes teaching an 80(ish) man and his wife how to navigate their computer by using the minimize button and logging into the website.  I just remind myself that I am teaching my grandparents on these calls.

1:30 pm  - Everyone is back from lunch and I take my 1/2 hour lunch

3:00 pm - Had an interview for a new job here in the company.  Anything to get me out of an environment of where one person walks on water and can do nothing all day!

4:10 pm - Left NFP for the drive home

4:30 pm - Pit stop at Petco for dog food for the munchinkins

4:50 pm - Pulled into the driveway, gave the dogs some love, some food, changed clothes and then got the two settled on the back porch.  Since Finn's heat stroke, I put up the baby gate so they can't leave the back porch.  It gives them more room to stretch their legs than a crate but ensures Finn can't give himself heat stroke again.

5:25pm - Back out the door for Lowe's.  Pit stopped at McDs for a small bite to eat since I was running late.

5:45 pm - Clocked in at Lowe's

10:40 pm - Finally left Lowe's

11:10 pm - Crawled into bed and made the mistake of check FB and email and so ensued (former) friend drama.

12:30 pm - Finally Crashed

5:30 am - Alarm went off again

6:15 am - Finally got out of bed.  :)

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Life Drama - (HATE it)

So my (now former) friend I went camping with created drama like no other yesterday.  When we got back into town on Sunday - I was not feeling so hot and didn't want to do what I needed to do in her parents bathroom and hurried home.  I didn't get her the money for the camp ground but figured I would catch up with her and get it to her.  The total bill was $33 so not earth shattering.  I sent her a message last night about getting her the money - I pay up - that is what I am suppose to do. 

Well, fast forward to me coming home to find all of these rants on Facebook about her friends take advantage of a single mom and just use her, blah, blah, blah.  I just replied that I was sorry that failing to pay her $7 was me taking advantage of a single mom.  Needless to say - the drama that triggered was really sad. 

I was told "maybe you should examine yourself in the mirror being 37 single and no kids".  Hmmm, I own my own house, have two jobs, own my car and take care of me.  Of course, this is coming from someone who is 27, lives with her parents, has two kids, never been married, does not have a job, has no support from a baby daddy, government provides for her kids, she uses school loan money for going to school part time at night and to maintain her acrylic nails, pedicures and drinking and then complains when she is denied for more aide.  Hmmmm, I think i will keep my life and cut out the drama friend with messed up values.  To quote her "Work for things really....good to know you feel that way.  I've worked my ass off since the day I had my kids and have never asked nor taken money from anyone since."  You be the judge...I have my opinion.

Blogging Project - Day 15

My view on mainstream music

In reality - I love all music.  I'll listen to it all.  My iPod will even attest to that.  Probably the only difference today from a few years ago, is that I listen to less classical music.  In college, that was my choice to study to.  I take that back, it wasn't really a choice.  I couldn't study to quiet, couldn't study while watching tv, and if it was anything other than classical music, I found myself singing along and not really "reading" what I was suppose to.
 
There is some music that I do listen to in moderation, I just can't stand a ton of it.  Heavy metal and heavy rap.  Otherwise, it is all fair game.  At home, my bathroom radio is set to one of the current Country radion stations.  I think I have stuck with this one, more because they have a routine, they do things at certain times and honestly, I can tell if I am running ahead of schedule or behind schedule without even looking at the clock.  The station on the receiver in the living room is set to Top 40.  I have to have something fun to clean to!  The car, well it rotates.  Most mornings I am still half asleep on the way in and do not want to hear anyone talking!  I just want music and to be able to stay in sleep mode as long as possible!
 
 

This is one of my favorite pictures of me.  Of course thank you goes out to my cuz for creatively editing out my Ex.  :)

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I had a pretty awesome weekend!  Saturday morning I headed South to tube the Comal River with some friends.  It has turned into an annual trip that happens around a friends birthday!  Needless to say - there was a LOT of fun had and a lot of alcohol that was drank.  After spending the day on the river, we ended up camping up near Canyon Lake.  I wish we would of had more time up there because we set up shop after it was dark and it was beautiful to see in the morning.  Hopefully I will have some pictures that one can share soon.  Yesterday was a recovery day with some cleaning and yard work thrown in the mix.  Today - I am exhausted and feel like I never slept.  Ugggh....love Monday's.
 
But, the good news is that I only have two more Monday's and then VACATION.  So excited to just have time off!  Momma keeps asking me what my plans are and I just want to enjoy some down time!!  No alarms.  No meetings.  Just Maddox time, family time and friend time.  I don't care about the particulars, let's just enjoy it!

Blogging Project - Day 14

Your Favorite Tumblrs

Does anyone know what a Tumblr(s) is?  Not me. 

Wikipedia defines Tumblr as "is a microblogging platform that allows users to post text, images, videos, links, quotes and audio to their tumblelog, a short-form blog. Users can follow other users, or choose to make their tumblelog private. The service emphasizes ease of use.[5]" 

I guess it is another blogging site like blogspot.com.  What I can tell you is that I have never used it or realized that as of May 1, 2011, Tumblr included more than 5 billion total posts and over 17.5 million total blogs. 

So, if I assume Tumblrs means bloggers, than I would have to say that Runner is my favorite blogger.  However, I don't think she blogs much anymore.  I do read a few others as well.  One is about a ladies giant weight loss journey.  It is nice because they post reviews of videos, etc.  That blog is Lynn's Weigh.  There are a few others but none that I go to on a regular basis.

Enjoying the lake with friends.

Just a early glimps of the boats gathering.  Yes - that is my house on the hill. :)

Blogging Project - Day 13

Funny how life gets in the way sometimes.  Of course - I find in fun when my mom points out I haven't been blogging.  At least I know someone is reading it - right?

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Somewhere you'd like to move or visit

I find this one interesting because five years ago, I would of told you me moving would be from one apartment to another or to a house; never would it be to a new city or state.  But, I did take a leap and moved to Texas and while there will always be some doubt about the move based upon how things have worked out, I couldn't imagine not living here.  Is there a move in my future?  I don't have the answer to that question and it isn't something that I will ever rule out.  Life presents new opportunities at any time and sometimes you just need to take them and enjoy the ride.

As for where I would like to visit?  I honestly want to say that I have vacationed in all 50 states by the time that I die.  Will that happen?  I don't know.  I know there is plenty to see and do in the US that most take for granted.  It would not be appropriate to live life without camping in Yellowstone National Park!  I also know that I would like to visit some luxury vacation spots as well - I mean The Virigin Islands, Costa Rica, Australia - I'm not greedy.  Of course - we do have a tenative schedule to go to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico in order to celebrate my parents 40th Wedding Anniversary, my 40th Birthday and my brother's 5 year wedding anniversary.  It only means one thing people - start saving - you have 2 1/2 years before we party!!

But in reality - as much as I would like those vacation spots, in reality most of my vacation is spent with the important people in my life - my family & friends.  Maybe one of these days I can get my family to pick one of those vacation spots like camping in Yellowstone versus me driving back to Nebraska.  However, until that happens, I am perfectly content with a 12 hour drive to see my awesome peeps!

Auntie Jenn & Maddox on his first Birthday!

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Life Note - In reality just a lot of the same old, same old.  I had a fabulous memorial weekend!  The highlight was spending Monday at Lake Travis with some friends.  Of course, it didn't matter how much sunscreen one puts on when you spend four hours in the water - you still end up fried!  We were out on the water for 7 hours and you haven't seen anything until you see 100's of boats tying off to each other.

The big pieces I dug up!

This past weekend was spent "installing" my new purchase, a 10 foot Bradford Pear tree.  Let's just say one thing - this sucks in Texas.  Any digging requires at least an axe of some sort.  Apparently there is a bar of some sort that would of made life easier too.  In the end I don't recommend doing this when it is a 100 degrees out and you are digging through lime stone - it sucks.  But, if you didn't see the pics on facebook, here are the most important three:

My new tree & mound of dirt & rock!

Yup - this is me still smiling after it all!

Blogging Project - Day 9

How I hope my future will be

We can always dream, right?  In reality, I hope that my future contains a lot of today and this past couple of years!  I have really enjoyed the time and how things have gone.  I reality, I think I need to focus on what I do have going in my life versus what I don't have. 

My future will contain financial freedom and be without the burden of debt.  My ultimate goal is going to be having just my house as my debt and then not even that.  I want to be able to travel when I want and not feel like it sets me back a couple of months because of the added expense.  I do want to travel to all 50 states and don't forget all of those great vacation places out of country!  

I have this little picture book, if you will, and it has my dreams of my future in it.  It has one of those houses with the huge front porch on it, the one where you can put your rocking chair on and just enjoy a good book and a sunset.  It has a picture of a wedding dress because I do see myself walking down the aisle.  I have a picture of a family because that is in my future.  I have a picutre of my dream vehicle.  It isn't anything fancy but compared to my standard ride with no added features - it is fabulous.  Then of course my dream body.  :)  I look at the pictures daily to remind me what I am working towards!

How about the ultimate vaction....a girls trip to Hawaii!

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On a life note - last night was the first night back to Spin class in probably two years.  I do know that I left exhausted and it kicked my butt - it a GREAT way!  I think that even Skinny Biotch even enjoyed herself.  The best part - last night was the best that I had slept in a LONG time.  I honestly woke up this morning ready to go and not feeling like I had to drag myself out of bed.  If going to spin class means I am going to sleep that good all the time - I am in! 

I am also going to celebrate hitting 5% - actually 5.4% of debt has been paid back since January.  I am hoping that since this month is the last month for Finn bills that number will really start to take off because the emergency fund has been rebuilt and money can be going straight back to the debt!  Keep that future in focus baby!

Blogging Project - Day 7

My Zodiac Sign - and do I think it fits my personality

Maybe the most important question is, what is my Sign?  I sit on the cusp of two different ones.  Depending on which one you look at, I am either a Pisces or Aquarius.  However, most will default to Pisces and that is always what I considered myself.  I got most of my information from a Zodiac website (click here), all of which seems to fit me.  Of course, after I read the Deep Inside descriptions...it is almost sad.  I saw it ringing true.  :(

My traits in a nutshell:

Positive:  Loving and caring.  Trusting, hospitable, and will help all in distress.  Shy.  Helpful.  Romantic.  Creative.  Mystical.  Gentle and kind.  Compassionite.  Understanding of Others.

Negative:  Self-pitying.  Guillible and will give all in a lost cause.  Temperamental.  Dependent.  Esapist.  Sensationalist.  Depressive.  Can lose touch with reality.  Too emotionally involved with the problems of others.  Tends to blame self for everything.

Physical Apperance:

* Body: usually short and thinkset

* Back: may stoop as the person walks
* Eyes: a sleepy appearance with large eyebrows
* Head: oddly shaped
* Limbs: generally short

Hmmm - how about the Pisces & Love
To Pisces, there is no difference between love, affection, and romance. A Pisces needs all three. A Pisces who feels unloved is an unhappy person to whom life seems very gray. Love revitalizes Pisces.


Behavior When In Love
The typical Pisces:
* is romantic
* eager to please
* adapts to the demands of the relationship
* appears to be helpless, delicate, and vulnerable, but being loved enables Pisces to cope very well with a range of difficulties, problems, and tragedies
* is emotionally involved, to the point of not recognizing when he or she is being deceived or treated badly

Expectations
The typical Pisces expects:
* to have his or her dreams valued and to be protected from harsh criticism
* to be cared for romantically
* to have children (Pisces love children)
* to be frequently reassured that they are loved
* all birthdays and anniversaries to be remembered

Pisces and Independence:

Pisces needs a dominant partner of role model in their life or they will very easily fall into a pit of self-pity and self-undoing. When they are independent and inspired by life's events, their creativity comes shining through but they are unable to be on their own for long before they start dreaming in their imaginary world of happy people and happy endings. They need other people to keep them grounded and on the right track.

Pisces and Friendship:
Pisces will go out of their way to help a friend. They are extremely sensitive and loyal. They will take a friend's problem and make it their own and suffer with them. This is the weak spot of Pisces but any friend of this zodiac sign should know that although they are attracted to people with severe problems who desperately need help, this actually does more harm them good. Even though Pisces will offer to make everything right, do not allow them to take on all your problems because they will lose their identity in your situation. They need a strong positive friend to make them strong. Pisces like adventure, new situation and social events. A Pisces friend will always have something exciting in mind and it is a very fulfilling, long lasting friendship.

Pisces Deep Inside:
Pisces have an intuitive and psychic ability more then any other zodiac signs. They trust their gut feelings and if they do not, they quickly learn to because they realize that their hunches are usually correct. Pisces downfall is their sensitivity and their inability to reject another person. They do not like rejection and they try to treat others the way they want to be treated so they will rarely say no to a person for fear of hurting their feelings. They will help another person with their problems and like to do so because making others feel good in turn makes them feel good. Pisces is the zodiac sign of self-undoing. People born under this zodiac sign are not susceptible to bad luck and unfortunate events, they bring them on themselves by overindulging, laziness and a knack for picking poorly suited partners and friends. They want people in their life who stir their emotions because this helps them to practice emotional stability. The inner conflict of Pisces is extremes of temperament and conflicting emotions. They are trying to pinpoint themselves on the real world while their spiritual world can cloud their vision, they will try to escape or avoid a situation instead of confronting it. Pisces eternal struggle is to learn to use their powers and their imagination in a positive, productive way and vying for emotional stability by not giving away their emotions to everyone else, they need to help themselves

Does everyone agree that I fit here?  Although I do believe I definitely have some of the stubborness from the Aquarius.

Day 04 - Your views on religion

FINALLY, an easy one!

I grew up in a Catholic family. My mom converted to Catholic when she married my dad and going to Church every Sunday was how we were raised. CCD classes were attended every Wednesday night by both of my older brother and I. When we reached the 9th grade, both of us made the switch from public schools to the Catholic High School in town. My little brother went to the Catholic schools from K - 8.

I can't imagine what life would have been like without my faith. It was in everything we did. Weddings, funerals, and baptisms it has always been there. I think that Faith has what got our family through some of the most difficult times with unexpected loss of my Uncle and the early loss of my little cousin. I know that some day, when it is my time, I will be reunited with them in Heaven.

Our family has always had some pretty awesome traditions that revolved around the Church as well.  When we would visit Grandma Schmidt, she lived right across the street from the Catholic Church so her house was often a gathering point before and after Church.  My favorite tradition was always Midnight Mass for Christmas Service.  Usually it was 10 pm when people started gathering at Grandma's.  Then at 11:15ish, we headed across the street to listen to the Choir.  Afterwards, everyone would go back to Grandma's and we would enjoy, cheese, wine and a lot of munchies until 3 am or later.  That is probably the one tradition I miss most during the Holidays!

When the going gets tough, I pray. When Finnegan was really sick, I went home that night and I prayed the Rosary. Prayed that God would make my decision with him clear, that he will guide me to do what is best for not only Finn but for my future as well.

While I struggle at times with some of the Church’s teachings, I know that without the Church, my life would not be whole. Some of the things are trivial and some are not. Catholics believe you have to go to confession to ask God for forgiveness. I have never fully understood why I have to go in this little box and tell a Priest what I did wrong and ask for forgiveness or risk going to hell. I believe that I can pray to God and ask for forgiveness without going to Confession. Of course, saying that, anytime I have had a major surgery, I find myself back in the confessional "just in case". I sometimes struggle with other teachings and wonder if that is really how Jesus would want them or if that is how the Church interrupted his actions?

I still go to Church. While I struggle to make it every week, I do try and make sure I am going at least once a month or more. It is hard working 7 days a week, 60 hours a week and then adding that time in there as well. In Texas, for whatever reason, you don't get out in an hour. Most weeks it is at least 75 minutes if not 90. But, I did find comfort in going so I am trying to get back in that routine!

This is my angelic picture of me as a Miniature Bride.  My grandma made my dress.  My hair was down to my waist at the time and I can tell you I remember spending a LONG time looking down because some how they french braided it all in!  The dress was then modified (again by my awesome grandma) into my First Communion Dress.