Where does time go?

WOW!   Six months?  Really doesn't seem that long ago that I was here.

What's even more of a WOW factor is that there are even followers that still come back and troll to see that I have failed, failed to update you on life, failed to even say what's up!  Yes, the the world continues to spin here in Texas, some days way faster than I want, some days in a direction I do not want but....

Oh life. 

I have wrote hundred's of blog posts in my mind over the past six months.  I have wrote even more in the past month.  There is so much on my mind these past few weeks that I would love to share with everyone but I am just not at that place that I am ready to talk about it, YET.  (Never fear...it is not health related, no I am not Pregnant and no I am not getting married!)

There is one thing for certain that I know, how life is today, is not how I probably pictured it the day I walked across the stage when I graduated high school.  It probably is not how I pictured it when I left college.  I know that it is not what I imaged it being at the beginning of December, but then again I never imagine January being what it was back in the first of December either.  Surly today as I sit writing this, I never pictured this month being what it was, maybe if ever, in my lifetime.

One thing I do know is that life happens.  No matter how much we plan, no matter how much we think we have it laid out in front of us, life happens and really the only person that knows where we will end up in life is the man upstairs.  What we can do in life is grow from it, learn from it and embrace the challenges that have been laid out in front of us.  God gives us the choice in life.  We can choose to be bitter and angry or we can choose to be positive and seek growth from the challenges He gives us. 

In the end, it's a matter of how do you want to face your maker, do you want to say, I accepted Your challenge and look at the better person you made me...or do you want to say well screw you, you handed me a life of lemons and crap and I am just over it.  The choice is within each of us and I think just writing this post helped me clear out some of my fog from today and made me focus back on what my choice always is.  Of course some love from Momma Bear never hurts either.

So, with that said, I clearly have some catching up to do...about 6 months worth and a lot of insight to share along the way.  I have done a lot of growing, especially in the past few weeks and definitely a lot more to go in the coming months.  If you are following this blog, you will be growing with me.  This will be a personal, spiritual, financial, life growing journey.

 

Stay tuned...I promise it won't be 6 more months before you hear from me...maybe more like 6 hours.  Until then, remember, your glass is half full or at least has room for a refresher. 

Love ya!

More Changes

You know, I think I am tired of changes and challenges.  Can I just have normal for awhile?  Of course, when I look at some of the things that my friends are going through, my changes don't seem that bad. 

So what am I talking about you ask?  Well back in October I went to the doctor to go through my test results in which my blood sugar was higher than what it should be.  Well, after 3 months of exercising and trying to lose weight, it was time to go back to the doctor on Monday.

After going through the generals, the first thing they did was a finger prick to check my blood sugar level.  Now, keep in mind I was fasting but they kept asking me if I had been fasting.  I knew that wasn't good, so I fired of a text to my mom to see what her's normally was since she is diabetic.  She responded that it was at it's highest 113 but usually lower than that.  Well, my number read 115.  Uggh!

So, after confirming once again that I was fasting, they did the big needle blood draw to check my A1C.  Now, this number measures your blood sugar level over a 3 month period.  My first number was 5.7.  My understanding is that a normal person usually averages 5.5, but the number should fall within in 4 and 5.9.  So, I wasn't terrible the first time.  However, yesterday I got the call that my number was 6.0 this time.  So, it was high.  I secretly think it was my mom's Christmas goodies that threw my numbers off.

But, in any event, I am now labeled as Pre-Diabetic.  Given my family's history for it with my Grandma, Mom, Uncle and little brother all having it, they are not treating this diagnosis lightly.  Especially since all of my numbers have gone up in three months and not down. 

Definitely will have a lot of learning to do in the next few weeks and months in regards to what I can and cannot do.  I will have to take classes to learn about things, meet with a dietician and learn to take my blood sugar levels on a daily basis.  CHANGE...uggh!  Of course, it also means that I am learning to navigate my insurance and what will be covered, won't be covered, etc. 

On the bright side, I do have a very supportive partner in all of this.  NoDIY is on board and wants to know what he can do to help and what he needs to do different on the nights that he cooks.  (Have I mentioned I am spoiled?)  We have also set some goals as far as weight loss goes so that will also be nice to have that support in the house.  I think that I am doing really well from an exercise stand point in that I run 3 times a week and those run/walks are now up to 4.5 miles in an hour.  Not land record speed but I am getting it done.  Then, on the nights that I don't run, the dogs get a 2 mile walk.  Now we just need to learn the food piece and need to lose some weight to get things going in the right direction.

A New Year

Which can only mean new resolutions. 

I know, I am a week in already.  But that doesn't mean that the resolutions haven't been on my mind, made or even been in action because they have.  What I really haven't done is sit down and look at last year's goals and how I finished them. 

So, here are things for this year.  Specifically they are broken into two parts with a floater to start with.  :)

The Floater - this is the easy one, or at least you would think so.  This one just requires me to complete something off of my to do list every day!  I have a notebook that I keep in my purse that has everything that I want to accomplish in a week and then some.  It can be anything from running on x days, walking the dogs to cleaning a toilet to writing a thank you.  So, to make my list shorter in the long run, my goal is to complete one or two things on that list every day!  Easy enough.

Financial Goals for 2012:
1.  Pay off remaining to debts
2.  Maintain $1,000 in an emergency fund
3.  Pay off 75% of my car
4.  Make payments on my student loan

Healthy Goals for 2012:
1.  Lose 20 lbs (more would be nice!)
2.  Exercise 5 days a week for an hour
3.  Do 3 races this year, whether they are running, biking or both
4.  Each healthy!

So, while the goals do appear "easy", they are going to require work and focus on my part to achieve!  However, I am NOT scared.  Bring on 2012 baby!

A Season to be Thankful!

It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving has already come and gone this year.  Even more amazing is that working two jobs is over a month past.  I cannot imagine ever going back to working two jobs nor do I think I will ever take on that challenge!  I think I can find other things to occupy my time!

Life definitely has had some interesting and good changes on my end.  Part of me still has that apprehension that nags in the back of my mind but it is something that I am slowly working through.  I like to think of it as baby steps in having a healthy relationship for a change.  Yep, I said that word, relationship.

Now, I must put this disclaimer out there that we have not used the words boyfriend/girlfriend to describe our status.  However, it is probably pretty safe to say that it is more than just dating.  Since Halloween, NoDIY and I have been spending a lot of time together, or at least as much as works.  Right now he lives 30 miles south of me which means if there is ZERO traffic, it takes at least 30 minutes to get there.  But, since I have to pass through downtown, it is not very often that I have zero traffic opportunities.  So, that said, we don't really spend much time together during the work week and spend most of the time together on the weekends.

Okay, well maybe I should say that we spend the entire weekend together, or close to it.  It is either me going down to his place or him coming up to my house.  We actually were talking last night that about how easy it is to be around each other and not feel like we have to be someone else or if he is at my house, I don't have that feeling of hosting a guest there.  Of course the pups love him and I continue to joke with him that the dogs get more love than I do!

As for Thanksgiving in Austin, this year was different.  I have a test that I need to take for work that my annual bonus is tied to.  So, even though I LOVE my Houston family, I do like that money in the bank at year end and opted to stay in Austin so I could focus on studying.  I did spend the day at NoDIY's house after doing a few loads of laundry and getting a four mile run in.  We had a very non-traditional meal of steak, potatoes, chicken noodles and corn.  Don't get me wrong, I did miss the turkey and all the family traditions but sometimes change is good too!

So that is my goings on right now.  Life consists of work, studying, running, and a boy.  I don't think life is too bad!

Back in the right direction

Well last week I failed to blog about my Weight Watcher's update.  I don't know if it was a "forgot", so much as didn't wanted to admit.  It wasn't pretty.  I was up.  I realized I can't have a free for all weekend and still hope that the rest of the week makes up for it.  Apparently it doesn't work that way. 

This week I did better.  I still need to focus on journaling.  I know that if I get that process going, the rest will really start going.  I also started my Couch to 5K again.  I am on Week 1, Day 3 now, so not far into it, but starting. 

My day yesterday was exhausting and posted as much on Facebook last night.  Here it was:
6:55 am - Left the house for work
7:00 am - Stopped at the gas station
7:40 am - Stopped at the grocery store for a few staples
7:45 am - Got to work
11:30 am - Took a friend to the Urgent Care center (fingers & blenders did not mix well, even if it is a protein shake)
12:45 pm - Back at it
4:30 pm - Left office and changed into work out clothes.
5:20 pm - Got to WW meeting center.  Took off for my 1/2 hour run
5:50 pm - Weighed in and went to the meeting
6:40 pm - Headed home with a stop at Petco for dog food
7:05 pm - Got home, made supper for me and watched bits of The Biggest Loser
8:00 pm - Back out the door for softball
9:40 pm - Returned home and took the dogs on a 20 minute walk

Hmmmm - I wonder why I am tired all the time.  But - I do enjoying playing softball twice a week again and actually am liking the Tuesday night league better.  It is a much more competitive team!

Oh yeah - better share my success from yesterday:

No more Starting

Today I was reading a blog by one of the ATX-100's.  If you don't know what ATX 100s is, it is a group that is made up of Austinites that have over 100 pounds to lose and their end goal is to compete in the Cap-Tex 10k next year.  Joe Bacon pointed out something that I never really thought of in that terms but it makes perfect sense and make me think about what I am doing. 

I don’t think of this as a START, because a START has a FINISH.

Click Here to see Joe's blog

 

How true are those words.  Look at when I "started" training for the Nike Women's Marathon - I was in the best shape of my life.  Then the injury happened, the finish line disappeared and I stopped.  Then there was the Triathlons.  While I might not of been in a peak shape, there was the start of training and when I crossed the finish line, the training ended. 

Is your life a series of Starts & Finishes?  Do you Start to lose weight today?  What happens when you "Finish" your journey or something causes the Finish line to disappear?  I know that I cannot be alone in the blurred Finish line.

So there is no more tomorrow I start, next week I start.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  If I truly need a finish line - then I suppose the finish line shall be the last day of my life.  The bright side is that I don't know when that day will come.  So, until then, I need to keep trudging ahead and realize that I will make mistakes along the way, will have set backs along the way and just need to dust myself off and get moving and focus on what I want in life. 

Of course, I say this and realize that step one would be to eat healthy, exercise, and focus on pushing through the debt.  I can eat healthy the rest of the day!  That is an easy one.  Now, for exercise - it has to wait until tomorrow.  I have to work today at Lowe's so no extra time for exercise.  The debt - well I am working both jobs today - so getting rid of it I will!

Even though I will have no more starts or finishes, I am starting my count down today....25 days.  Yep, 25 days until my next day off.  I always try to get a day off scheduled where I do nothing and some how I just didn't get that done this month like I should of.  So, when it is said and done with, I will have worked one or both jobs for 35 days straight.  I picked up an extra shift yesterday at Lowe's and lets just say leaving at 7 am and getting home at 10:30 at night three days in a row makes for a tired cookie!

Blogging Project - Day 9

How I hope my future will be

We can always dream, right?  In reality, I hope that my future contains a lot of today and this past couple of years!  I have really enjoyed the time and how things have gone.  I reality, I think I need to focus on what I do have going in my life versus what I don't have. 

My future will contain financial freedom and be without the burden of debt.  My ultimate goal is going to be having just my house as my debt and then not even that.  I want to be able to travel when I want and not feel like it sets me back a couple of months because of the added expense.  I do want to travel to all 50 states and don't forget all of those great vacation places out of country!  

I have this little picture book, if you will, and it has my dreams of my future in it.  It has one of those houses with the huge front porch on it, the one where you can put your rocking chair on and just enjoy a good book and a sunset.  It has a picture of a wedding dress because I do see myself walking down the aisle.  I have a picture of a family because that is in my future.  I have a picutre of my dream vehicle.  It isn't anything fancy but compared to my standard ride with no added features - it is fabulous.  Then of course my dream body.  :)  I look at the pictures daily to remind me what I am working towards!

How about the ultimate vaction....a girls trip to Hawaii!

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On a life note - last night was the first night back to Spin class in probably two years.  I do know that I left exhausted and it kicked my butt - it a GREAT way!  I think that even Skinny Biotch even enjoyed herself.  The best part - last night was the best that I had slept in a LONG time.  I honestly woke up this morning ready to go and not feeling like I had to drag myself out of bed.  If going to spin class means I am going to sleep that good all the time - I am in! 

I am also going to celebrate hitting 5% - actually 5.4% of debt has been paid back since January.  I am hoping that since this month is the last month for Finn bills that number will really start to take off because the emergency fund has been rebuilt and money can be going straight back to the debt!  Keep that future in focus baby!

Blogging Project - Day 8

A moment I felt the most satisfied with my life

Hmmm - In reality I don't know that I am "officially" at that point.  There are just things in life right now that I want to accomplish that I haven't.  Really my biggest goal right now is to get rid of Lowe's and just be able to relax and enjoy life.  So, I think that is really the point that I can say I am satisfied with my life.

That said, I think the biggest milestone of my life was the day I finish my first Triathlon, The Rookie.  It was a race I did on my own.  Outside of riding along with my mentor from Team & Training, I really didn't know anyone from the group well because I missed most of the training sessions because of work.  So, here I was at my first Triathlon, not really knowing anyone, not really knowing how it would end up and not really having a support system there - which was a first for me.

At the end of the day, I finished!  It might not of been fast, it might not of been pretty but I finished.  It made me realize that I can do anything I put my mind to.  I grew up playing softball with my dad right there and realized that I could be an athlete without my dad pushing me.  It was also at the moment of crossing the finish line that I realized that I was a survivor.  I survived the hand of the Ex and I emerged on the other side.  I was going to be OKAY in Texas on my own.  I was a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for!

So, while I am not satisfied 100% with my life, I can say that I am okay with exactly where I am at.  Will it be a LOT better when I don't work 7 days a week, 60 hours a week - ABSOLUTELY.  But, until I no longer have that cross to bear, I am going to remind myself what it was like to cross that finish line and all the other finish lines since then!



Blogging Project - Day 6

30 Interesting Things about ME

  

1. I have the most amazing group of family & friends that drop anything to help me if it was truly needed.  My extended family is so close that I often consider them more brothers & sisters than cousins.  I feel blessed for them and wish everyone had as awesome of a family as I do.
2. I use sarcasm to hide my insecurities.
3. I have two dogs with two distinct personalities.  Guinness (the princess/drama queen) and Finnegan (the wild man/all boy) who are often referred to as Finnegus
4. I hate working two jobs, but it is a necessity.
5. I do not have the ability to sit still and staying home for a few days would drive me crazy!!  (Thanks Mom!)
6. I still miss and think about my Grammy (maternal Grandma) often!
7. I do not like rice and will say I don't like certain foods versus trying to explain why.
8. I do not see myself as pretty or beautiful but more of a plain Jane.
9. I have entirely too mucy crap.  (I really am working on purging!)
10. I am an Aunt to two and hope that one day the one knows how amazing I am like the other does.  (Some point CBM has to get her act together.)
11. I plan on starting a family of my own at 40 whether through adoption or other means if I am still solo.
12. Diet Coke is an addiction of mine.
13. I am NOT a morning person and would much rather stay up late but can't sleep past 8 anymore.  Just wait until 9 to talk to me.  :)
14. I feel embarassed if someone stops over and my house is less than perfect.  (I think I got this from my mom & grammy!)
15. I still doubt that I was good at softball.
16. I own a Jeep Patriot and absolutely loathe that car.  I think it is more because it is bare bones of everything (manual windows, locks, etc) and represents my connection to the Ex.  He walked away with nothing and I walked away with all the debt.
17. I have considered bankruptcy.
18. I still watch One Tree Hill.
19. I have a revolving To Do List that I have on me at all times.  It is everything from weekly work outs to things I need to do at some point.
20. I gave up cable and do not miss it at all.  (That is until Football comes around!)
21. I love College Football and would be happy watching it all day.
22. I was raised to work hard for what I want and have no fears doing so.
23. When it comes to the panhandlers on the side of the road part of me feels guilty and looks the other way, while the other part wants to hold up a sign that says I work two jobs to keep my home, if you have the time to sit here with your hand out, you have the time to find a job or two.
24. I don't get people that say I don't have money and need government help to feed their familes and provide medical care but can afford their Smart Phones & fake nails and everything else.  I do not respect these people and think they should be booted out of the system until their priorities are realigned.
25. My current credit card debt exceeds the National Average but with hard work, it will be completely erased in the next two years.
26. I have had seven surgies in my life with alll but one occurring between 1991 - 2001
27. I worry about my future.
28. I would love to vacation to all 50 states in my life and camp in as many of them as possible.
29. My favorite vacation was spending a month camping in California, Arizona & Mexico.  I wish I could re-do that vacation/class!
30. I wouldn't change my decision to move to Texas if I had to do it all over again!  I just wish more family & friends missed me enough to visit instead of asking when I am coming to see them. 
31. (Only because I needed one more) I am grateful for moving to Texas and getting to know Big Country and his family more than I did.  I truly feel they are my brother & sister here in Texas! 
32. (Because I can't count)I would love to have short hair but my hair grows to fast to be able to maintain it short. That said, I know I do envoke Hair Envy because I do have awesome!  (Thank you dad for those great genes!

Just what the doctor ordered....

Some much needed R&R.  I gave myself a mini-vacation, wasn't necessarily a "stay" vacation, but it was a nice one in which I didn't leave to travel back to Nebraska which is how 90% of the vacations go.

So, the stay vacation started Wednesday night.  I was granted an early leave at 10 pm from Lowe's.  Okay - it was a 1/2 hour early - but yeah! me!

Thursday was actually an exhausting day.  I met my friend Skinny-Biotch at the gym.  Yes, I said the nasty three letter word - GYM.  I haven't blogged about Skinny-Biotch before but she is a partner in crime at Lowe's.  Actually reminds me of myself in that she is early 30s, just bought her first house, and is holding her own in life without help!  Of course, I call her the Biotch  only because I was so afraid of her when she first came to our store, she seemed so mean.  :)  But now she is helping my inner skinny-bitch come out and making me be accountable at the gym.

After the gym workout and tour, I headed home for a quick shower.  I was suppose to meet Vanilla Horndog for lunch just to catch up.  It is funny because he was one of the guys that I posted back in my "Being" post.  He knows that unless his life changes, he and I will be friends and nothing more until he has time to date.  That said, he was on the north side of town this week for work and contacted me about meeting up just to catch up.  Needless to say that he got caught on a Sales Call and lunch was not to be had.  Of course, that is how things roll with Vanilla Horndog.  The rest of the day, was doing errands, oil change for the car, hair cut, dentist and finally hit the road for Houston at 8 pm to visit Big Country.

Friday, the most important and only agenda for the day....Da Beach!  Big Country & family, myself and some friends of theirs loaded up the vehicles and headed to Galvaston for the day.  Even Finnegus was invited to come!  A relaxing day was had playing in the surf, enjoying the sun and of course, nothing says beach like Captain Morgan. 

Saturday, as they say plans change and when they change to your favor, whose going to complain?  Not I.  We ended up spending the day chilling at Big Country's house, sitting poolside and enjoying some fine beverages.  In the pm, well it isn't a trip without Big Country whipping up something special and special it was.  Don't get me wrong, the ribs were delicious....but that mushroom puff, yummmy for my tummy!

Sunday, well it was Easter Sunday and church was on the agenda.  Rather than being different and finding a Catholic Church to go to, I opted to go to Church with Big Country, his family, my aunt and another cousin.  I am not sure what affiliation the church was, but when you grew up a structured Catholic, wow different is all that comes to mind.  I can see how it works for them but at the same time, I think I enjoy my structure.  The afternoon was spent with Easter Egg hunts and relaxing!  Unfortunately it also meant the end of my stay and it was time for Finnegus' and I to head back home.

Monday was my final partial vacation day!  I headed to the gym at 8, made the most of the day with a nap, some yard work and cleaning all before I headed into Lowe's at 5:30 to return to the normal grind.  However, what this vacation showed me was how much I need and want to be focused so Lowe's goes away!  I forgot what lawn mowers in a neighborhood sounded like on a Saturday morning because I am never there....how great will that be!?!?

Ahhh, yes I am also going to steal from Runner her 30 days of blogging project...so look out for that!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 8

Day 8 - Short term goals for this month and why

Well, if I do short term goals for December, it has to be the shortest term EVER.  So with that said - I think that I will go with my short term goals for the rest of December & January.  Now with that said, these are my goals for that period.  They are meant to help me tackle my New Year's Resolutions for 2011.  Yes, I have even put thought into those already.

So, for the rest of December & January - the focus is on me.  Making myself the top priority.  Now how am I going to do that? First and foremost is exercise!  Now that I am finally feeling better, I have started the Couch to 5k program again.  One week down and ready to look at Week 2 tomorrow.  In addition, I am also working through the 200 Situps and 100 Pushups apps.  Both begin Week 2 tomorrow.  I am putting my best steps forward to a slimmer, trimmer me.  Plus, on the days that I am not running and don't have to work at Lowe's, the dogs are going to be blessed with at least a two mile walk.  :)  So, I will be making sure I am logging at least 30 minutes of running/walking five days a week.  Eating has been healthier these days and that is a goal for January too - smart choices! 

The final plan which is probably going to be the biggest challenge for me is sticking to my budget.  Funny how that goes.  In any event, in my master plan, if I stick to it and end up with my best case scenario....I could have half of my debt paid of in 2011, including my car!

It takes 21 days to....

Can you complete that sentence?  No? Maybe? It takes 21 days to form a habit.  Today is day one!  So how my eating and exercise got off tracks I really don't know.  In the past two weeks I have accomplished a lot getting better organized around the house but the food and exercise went to make room.  But, it isn't going to be about just the food and exercise.  I have been lazy lately and not been doing what I should be doing.  Church on the weekends, cleaning and everything else.  So, today was day one of putting it all together.  Managing the two jobs.  Having a clean house so it wouldn't be a scramble if unexpected company came. Being in control of my money so I don't have to have the Lowe's job.  Putting my body first so I can shop in my closet by exercising and making healthy food choices. 

Hopefully if all goes well - I'll be able to share my tips and tricks that I learned along the way.  Maybe a new recipe or two. 

Over all, today wasn't too bad.  Eating, well there were a few things that I could of done better but it was day one without the vending machine at work and eating fast food.  Win, win.  Another win was taking the two flights up to my desk.  On the way home I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few staples I was missing, the fruit, the veggies, the things I go through every week.  After a supper of soft tacos with Chicken and salsa it was time to walk the dogs.  We did our two mile walk.  I am not sure how long it took because the pups beg the attention of the neighbor kids so we always have to stop and say hi. 

Then it was home for my workout...day two of Self's Your Weight Minus 8.  Today was 30 minutes of pound zapper and the strength cards.  I don't know what was worse, the pound zapper or the cards.  The pound zapper was 4 minutes of jumping rope, 1 minute of jumping jacks, 1 minute rest, repeat the sequence three more times.  Four minutes is a LONG time to jump rope.  Then the strength cards.  WTF is all I can say.  I think the gym cards are easier than the at home cards.  I mean, do a squat on your tippy toes and then stand up, still on your balls of your feet and push weights over the top of your head.  It was a combination pilates, weights and torture.   Thank god I don't need to think about that for another three days!

So that was day one...time for a shower and early to bed...I'm exhausted!

One foot in front of the other....

Some days, it is all I can do, just put one foot in front of the other, make it through the problem, the fear, the anger, just to survive.
Yesterday I had a horrible headache. It was still there when I got home from Lowe's - my favorite 13 hour work day Tuesday. I was out right tired but couldn't sleep because of the headache. I was making me sick and nothing was cutting.  So, if I am up, might as well surf Facebook. I mean I think I have 250 friends, so it isn't like I see everyone's status updates so I surf on occasion just to see what is up. Well, I have been friends with the Ex's mom on Facebook for a long time so I went to see if she had any updates. Nothing, but the Ex’s sister had wrote on her wall so out of curiosity, I went and looked at her pictures, wanted to see how the kids were. Well, there was a picture of a new baby on her page.  I didn’t really think about it, I mean, she already has 6 kids, what is one more. But then, I saw someone make a comment, tell your brother congratulations. WTF? There is only one brother, the Ex. Long story short, it is his baby, born a few weeks ago with the woman he has been living with since we broke up, the same one he swore he wasn’t cheating on me with.
God the emotions I have. Here I am, working 7 days a week, struggling to get by because I took a $7,000 pay cut because of this great life we were going to have in Texas. Sure, his life hasn’t been a bed of roses, but somehow, it feels like he came out ahead. I still have the debt we had together. I am the one making less today than before I met him, I have few friends because I have to work all the time to cover the debt and less income. Sure, I own a house, but I feel like I am just getting by.
I am just putting one foot in front of the other today, trying to let it go. Dwelling on the past of what could have been isn’t going to help today or change tomorrow. I tell myself that God did me a favor that I never got pregnant while we were together. Heaven knows we weren’t careful.

Maybe part of it is a kick in the gut just because it is HER. Or because, while we rarely talk, he has never said anything about it. He told me he was trying to shield me from it, his words.
Well here is my shield….Fuck you. It might kill me and I might not have friends here and have to work my ASS off, but I will come out so far ahead it won’t be funny.  And this time, I won't be using food as comfort.  Your sorry ass will be motivation to run that much farther.  Then I will happily run over your sorry ass.

Stop Talking

That is what one of my coworkers said about another gal at Lowe's.  Stop talking about weight loss and just lose the weight already.  She has been talkin about losing weight since I have been there but nothing really changes. 

Of course, this person wasn't saying it to me, he was saying it about her.  But, I heard it loud and clear.  I have been talking about losing the weight since I gained it all in the walking boot almost two years ago.  I know what I need to do and I can do it.

So, the good news is that I started running again.  I also have made a weekly walk with above mentioned girl every week to Town Lake.  This past week we walked 4.82 miles.  We definitely can pick up the pace but we are heading in the right direction.  Our goal is to do the 10 mile loop before the end of the summer. 

Now, I just need to get the food in check.