It's a start

Well, I will be the first to admit that after my melt down Thursday, I spent the next three days in 100% shut down mode to be followed with a semi-on plan day and an on plan day.  Obviously those things do not bode well for a great first week of falling Weight Watchers, but it did stick for me, or some of it did.

I know, it amounts to a Duck Fart, but it was at least a fart in the right direction and it is a process of going down.  I know that I didn't gain all of this weight overnight, so losing it all overnight is going to be impossible.  On the positive side, this past week I have really focused on trying to go to bed earlier.  Normally you would of found me awake anywhere from 11 - 11:30 pm and the alarm goes off at 5:45 am.  Can you guess why I drag myself out of bed?  So, I am really focusing on trying to be in bed, lights off by 10:30 at the latest.  Last week I had a few nights were I was in bed before 9:30 pm reading and out by 10:00 pm.  My goal is to get in a regular sleep schedule so I can maybe start getting a run in before work.  Crazy concept, I know. 

For other news, there are changes coming to Casa de Schmidt.  On Monday, I will be getting a roommate.  She is moving to Austin from Dallas for her new job.  She is an RN that is about my age and her primary schedule is Saturday & Sunday, so for some degree we will be ships passing in the night.  I think we will get along well and hope this one works out for me.  Thankfully it happens to be a weekend off from Lowe's for me so I can prep the house and that room! 

Later Gators!  (Did I mention she is a Gators fan?)

Something New

Well, off on a new adventure or at least looking into the possibility of one.  So Tuesday I was in a pretty blah mood and just anti-everything.  I think we all have those days.  Maybe I shouldn't put them into words, but I do.  It works for me. 

Right now I am reading The Cheapskate Next Door by Jeff Yeager.  I know I am weird and that I like reading these finance books!  Someday I will tell my full story and when it is said and done, let's just say that you will be amazed at where I was and where I stand today.  Who knows, maybe I can start counseling others on how to get out of debt!  Anyway - it is really good book and if you can read self-help books, I suggest looking into it. 

As you probably recall, I am in the process of blasting debt out of my life.  I see a zero balance with one of my credit cards in the next month.  Today I made another payment on it and all that remains is $50.  So far this year I have paid off 10% of my debt.  To me, doing this solo, that number is huge.  I of course I  have to thank my WIRR friends (Click Here to learn more) for keeping me motivated and encouraged. 

As I was discussing with mama last night, between Lowe's and NFP, I have enough money to live, pay my bills and blast my debt.  However, when it comes to extra things I want to do, it requires serious penny pinching to do it with cash and I think that is the part that makes me feel strapped right now.  For example, I know that I probably need at least $350 to have the ceiling fans installed in my house.  NODIY guy said that he would do it for $50 a fan (5 fans) and then whatever parts he would need.  Needless to say - I have to scrimp and save to get that.  I also need new tires on my car if I am going to come back to Nebraska at Christmas.  Again, scrimping and saving to get it done.  It stinks.  Of course, it probably feels even more difficult just because my electricity and water bills are higher right now thank you to Mother Nature.  I know I should feel blessed that the electricity is only running about $150 considering it has been over 100 degrees every day, but it is hard.

So, with that said, yesterday I posted an ad on Craigslist to get a roommate.  Not something that I HAVE to do or really want to do.  However, it will definitely help me feel more relaxed on things and help cover some of those other things I want to get done as well as help blast the debt even faster!!  So my friends at WIRR are giving me great advise on background checks, leases, etc so I am pretty positive that things will work out okay and no one needs to worry.  Plus, as I told momma, I don't HAVE to have the extra money so I can take as long as I would like to find the perfect roommate!

Have a great weekend y'all!

Oooopsss

I was doing so good on blogging and then, well, I guess I just fell of the planet.  

Oh it has been such a mixed bag of emotions these days and sometimes I just wish I could curl up in a ball and just wake back up when life was normal again.  That things were easy, carefree and I had it all.  Sometimes, on the outside I know I look like I have it all together, but on the inside I feel like it is all falling apart and I wish I could undo things.  Where do I even begin to tell the story at?  It is going to be a long one so grab your coffee because you just might need it.

Work, that thing that you have to do every day, that you should spend half of your waking hours at, that place you should love to go to.  I know that if you asked me a couple of years ago, while some things weren't perfect, I loved my job and loved what I do.  Today, I just feel like it is another anchor around my ankles.  My boss and I butt heads to the 10th degree on everything.  The favoritism was so unbelievable before I went on vacation it was insane.  Never mind him going postal on me because my dog needed an emergency vet appointment and I wouldn't be in the office to cover phones while he was in a meeting.  (It is important to note that the following day we both were in the same meeting and we would have the same coverage issues.)  Of course, it takes me  saying the discrimination in an email about treatment by him to his boss that makes things some what tolerable.  Funny how one word makes others take notice. Maybe part of it is me bringing it on myself and that what I do today does not require a college degree, it has changed so much from when I first started and it doesn't require any thought and just requires patience, something I lack at.  I won't even get into how I still make less today than I did when I left Nebraska in 2007.  I know I said I was okay with the pay cut and having a better boss, but I don't think I imagined it being 2011 and still making less than what I did four years ago.

Maybe it is Lowe's and just being burned out from working all the time.  But, I have to do it, I don't have a choice in the matter.  Without Lowe's, I couldn't pay the bills.  Unfortunately it is a necessary evil.  I have tried to make friends there but the drama that comes with it, it just isn't worth it.  Don't get me wrong, there are good people there but I always feel like I some how get sucked back into the drama of the others around them.  I wish I didn't have to work there, but I do and don't have a choice.  I need to be happy about going in to work instead of listening to people complain about things that go on there.  If I just go in, do my job and leave, I appear to be bitchy/snooty.  But, when you work seven days a week, where else can you make friends?  I have some at the other job and maybe I just need to make more of an effort there.  At least they tend to be drama free or if there is drama, it is a different kind.  

I miss my friends back home and the way things use to be.  Of course, I know that if I go back home, things won't be the same as they were.  It so hard to believe that when I moved here in 2007 on of my best friends and I were so close to being the in the same place.  Both were in relationships, both saw marriage in our future.  Today, how far apart we are....I am no closer to marriage than the day I went to college.  She on the other hand is married, happy has two beautiful kids and I don't hear from her because she has the "perfect" life.  

Sometimes I want to scream why me?  Why couldn't life be easy for me?  Why does God constantly throw things road blocks up at me?  I was a good kid in high school.  I got good grades, stayed out of trouble and I just don't know.  Sure I rebelled a bit when I got to college but I think we all did.  Then there was the sexual assault, I mean why did a bad choice on my part cause that to happen?  Didn't God know I was saving myself and that wasn't how I wanted to lose my virginity?  

Maybe that has jaded me.  Maybe that one event will define the rest of my life.  I hope not but look where I am.  As much as I have dealt with it, went to counseling on it, think I am over it, I still feel it haunts me and my relationships.  I grew up in a great family, with tons of love, support, kids and just a great sense of family values and there was nothing that I ever wanted more in life to have that.  Now, here I am 37 years old and watching the days pass on that that opportunity. The guys I meet are either only interested in sex or one of us isn't into the other.

I always think I am okay, that I just trudge along, people think I am rock strong and then it takes just little things to send me into a tail spin.  I have officially become the last one from my college softball team that has never been married and has no kids.  Me!  I just don't get how it ended up being me?  It sucks, 100%.  I know, you'll say you don't need a man to make you happy, they can bring problems, blah, blah blah.  Do this, for an entire week, go home to yourself every day and don't talk to anyone unless you call them.  Fix dinner for one.  Do all the cleaning.  Do all the laundry.  Yard Work.  Exercise.  It sucks! Now imagine doing that day in and day out for years.  

I know that when I came back from my vacation I was home sick.  Part of me didn't want to leave but part of me was ready to come back.  I love my family to death and love spending time with them.  I love spending time with my little man and am happy that my brother is so happy.  But then again, it sometimes feels like a dagger and a reminder of the perfect life.  So much has changed that I know if I moved back it wouldn't be the same.  My friends have all changed.  I have changed.  I can't get back what I had and can't go back in time.  Before anyone says just move back, it isn't possible.  I have a house now.  A house that lost all of the equity in it the past two years because prices continue to drop.  Now because of our lovely leaders, interest rates will go up and it would be even harder to sell.  No thank you.

Sometimes I just wish I could hit the backspace key and just do parts of life over again.  Would I go back all the way to college and undo that one night?  I don't know.  But sometimes I really wonder what life would of been had I just listened to my family and understand they only wanted the best for me when they pushed leaving the EX.  But I didn't.  I walked away from a job that paid well, from a softball organization I built, from a head varsity coaching job, from a great support system of family and friends all because I found love.  I wish I realized back then that love shouldn't come at the cost of all that and if it is real love, it wouldn't cost you anything, it enhances things.

I am sure come a day, a week or a month from now, I wish I could do the back space key on this post.  But it is how I feel today.  I don't have it all together right now.  My puzzle is all jumbled up and nothing seems to fit.  I know that in the days and weeks to come, the pieces will start coming together but today I just can't see how it is going to work.  I am tired.  I am tired of trying my hardiest and working my tail off and feeling like I just am not getting anywhere.  I am tired of feeling like I have to give up this or that just so I can save enough money for tires for my car or someone to put ceiling fans in my house.  I just need life and God to give me a break for a long time!

And friends, when I don't come running to help with your personal problems, please don't be mad!  I just need a break from being the rock, the go to person for advise for awhile.  I need a rock to stabilize me for a change.  I need to time to figure out me and not seeking out the approval of people in unhealthy ways.  I just need to "re"rock myself.

That's all for today.

Blogging Project - Day 9

How I hope my future will be

We can always dream, right?  In reality, I hope that my future contains a lot of today and this past couple of years!  I have really enjoyed the time and how things have gone.  I reality, I think I need to focus on what I do have going in my life versus what I don't have. 

My future will contain financial freedom and be without the burden of debt.  My ultimate goal is going to be having just my house as my debt and then not even that.  I want to be able to travel when I want and not feel like it sets me back a couple of months because of the added expense.  I do want to travel to all 50 states and don't forget all of those great vacation places out of country!  

I have this little picture book, if you will, and it has my dreams of my future in it.  It has one of those houses with the huge front porch on it, the one where you can put your rocking chair on and just enjoy a good book and a sunset.  It has a picture of a wedding dress because I do see myself walking down the aisle.  I have a picture of a family because that is in my future.  I have a picutre of my dream vehicle.  It isn't anything fancy but compared to my standard ride with no added features - it is fabulous.  Then of course my dream body.  :)  I look at the pictures daily to remind me what I am working towards!

How about the ultimate vaction....a girls trip to Hawaii!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a life note - last night was the first night back to Spin class in probably two years.  I do know that I left exhausted and it kicked my butt - it a GREAT way!  I think that even Skinny Biotch even enjoyed herself.  The best part - last night was the best that I had slept in a LONG time.  I honestly woke up this morning ready to go and not feeling like I had to drag myself out of bed.  If going to spin class means I am going to sleep that good all the time - I am in! 

I am also going to celebrate hitting 5% - actually 5.4% of debt has been paid back since January.  I am hoping that since this month is the last month for Finn bills that number will really start to take off because the emergency fund has been rebuilt and money can be going straight back to the debt!  Keep that future in focus baby!

Day 2: Where you'd like to be in 10 years

This question reminds me of the standard question that comes in interviews, the one that they fish for the perfect answer of, still working for this company.  LOL

I honestly don't have a true answer, it can't be answered.  That said, I know of  things that I want to accomplish in life, but will they happen in the next ten years? I don't know.  But what I do know is that things happen, life happens in its own time, when the time is right and when it should, they will happen. 

Look at the past five years of my life.  Heck, if you asked me 5 years ago where I would be today - I assure you that living in Texas would not of even been in my vocabulary.  5 years ago I was at the same company for 7 years, had my own softball club with 5 teams, was a Varsity High School coach, had a great core group of friends, was dating a guy I felt was a great guy, I appeared to have it all.  But life happens.  Under the umbrella of Love, I moved with the  Ex to Texas, moved three times, found a job I liked, SURVIVED and exited a relationship that was very abusive, made & continue to make great friends and bought a house. 

So, with that said, some of the things that I want to see happen in my life are (in no particular order):
1.  Find the one, get married
2.  Have a family.  If I end up solo, I will seriously consider foster/adoption around 40.
3.  Be debt free!! (Hopefully outside of school loans & my house, this will happens in the next two years!)
4.  Work just one job! (Again - 2 years worst case scenario!)

With all that said, I live life to the fulliest and realize that today is a gift from God.  He works his magic in his own time and while his time line doesn't always match up with my time line, I know that with Patience and Prayer, things do work out in the end in the way that is best for me!

They Just Don't Get It!

Warning - today is a rant day. 

Some days I really get why some of the mangers we have at my part time job went into retail and skipped college, they just don't get it.  I just want to tell them, walk two weeks and my shoes and then let's talk.  Of course, they will have some whitty answer and then will forget we had that conversation.

On a weekly basis, it is a fight to make sure they don't give me more than 20 hours in a week.  For budget purposes, I need to average 13 as things are set right now.  But, most weeks I have to remind them that I have more than 20 and I don't want that.  21 hours, 24 hours isn't bad for the average person.  That said, they forget I already work 40 hours if not more at the full time job.  I don't need a few extra hours at the part time job.

So Monday night was a classic.  There were four closing cashiers.  I was the only one that works there part-time and has another full time job.  The others have it as their only job.  When day light savings time started, Lowe's started opening at 6 am and staying open until 10 pm.  In reality it is dumb because they don't change the door signs and most customers don't know unless they happen to stop by.  For the worker bees, it means that most nights we don't get to go home until 10:30 or later.  However, there are always a few that are scheduled to be off at 10.  On Monday, when two of the 3 asked if they could leave because they were only scheduled until 10, the manager (who does schedules) asks they Head Casher (who also does the schedules) why is Jenn scheduled until 10:30 and not one of the first to leave.  EXCELLENT question smithers.

Then came last nights conversation.  I originally was scheduled vacation from Sunday through Easter because I was going to Vegas and just wanted off for Easter.  Anyway, since Vegas was cancelled, I told the manager that she could add back in my Monday & Wednesday night shifts.  Well, some how that also turned into adding my Sunday shift back in too.  Our mystery shop for the month was not good and it was because the cashiers failed that day so now we have a mandatory meeting on Sunday.  Last night I told the manager that I would either come in to work the five hour shift or come in for the meeting, not both, her choice.  She then proceeds to tell me how it is her day off too and she has to come in, blah, blah, blah.  Lady I don't give a rats ass if you are in a different country and have to come back is really what I wanted to say.  I'll remind them Sunday when I leave I am not coming back and if they write me up, I don't care.  There is a first for everything I suppose.

I am so tired of this battle with them!  Things are finally starting to roll, slowly, with Scentsy so maybe I can build up steam there and tell Lowe's where to go.  I am making an effort to make it go which I haven't done in the past and it is amazing the difference it makes.  Anyone interested in being an Independent Consultation for Scentsy?  It is great extra income and pretty easy!  Cheap start up costs too!

DeBT eLiMiNaTOR

Meet my new super hero, the Dixie DeBT eLiMiNaTOR.  (I'll just call her Dixie for short!) She is a mean, lean fighting machine that beats debt into submission.

So in reality she doesn't exist.  I received a link yesterday that allows you to create your own superhero.  So, when I saw that one of the chest logos was a $, I just tweaked it to the $ necklace used to battle the evil, evil debt and credit companies. 

Since my departure from the EX, debt has been a thorn in my side.  Some days I really wonder how I managed to buy a house.  Some days I wonder if I really should of bought the house.  Prior to getting the house, I was making serious strides beating things down.  Well, then the recession hit and my focus moved more towards my house.  While I didn't take on any more debt, I started turtling on the debt and then the credit card companies became evil and made life more difficult for me.  I mean, how will you ever win a race when they feel you should pay 29.99% interest on a balance.  You are freakin kidding me was heard from me a LOT.

Only a select few know how bad the situation really is.  I am so grateful that Runner gets it and I can share the struggles of money.  (She and her husband are also banishing their debt and trying to build their financial future too.)  Honestly, I see the debt is my biggest failure.  Yes, at the end of the day, a LOT of it stemmed from my time with the EX but I wasn't free and clear before I met him either, so I can't blame him entirely.  Even though I was an accounting major, managing money was my biggest flaw!  I always wanted what I couldn't afford and would buy it anyway.  Look at my baby Explorer (that I still miss today!).  It was an impusle buy that ended up with a 600+ car payment.  I mean, who does that?!?!  At the end, I owned it free and clear and maybe that was why I was so sad to see it go!  However, it defined my poor choices of money!

But, what has been done is done and I can't change it.  What I can change is my future and I am doing that baby step by baby step every day for a healthy financial future!  Hopefully I can pass along some of the wisdom that I have learned along the way and who knows - if I dig out of this mess - I might even be able to write a book.  Hahaha.  Of course, I couldn't do any of this without my friends on the WIR site!  They keep me focused and while I was away most of the year, this year has reinforced what a positive effect they have in my life and how much progress I can make when I apply myself and keep posting on their site.  If you have never heard of WIR and have debt of any kind, I suggest you head over if you need motivation to be free and clear of the chains that bind called debt.

Every day is a learning experience of choices that are made that define my financial future and I learn from them.  If you don't know where to begin, the first step is a budget!  I think Dave Ramsey said it best when he said "Spend your money on paper before it comes in for the month versus wondering where it all went at the end of the month." 

I have been consistent with my budget this year and making it the decision maker of how I spend my money.  Of course that reasoning was why my Vegas trip was cancelled but in the end, I will be more grateful!  So far, through March, I have kicked 4.4% of my debt to the curb and hope that things will begin to snowball in the next few months!  I have to rebuild my emergency fund back up after Finn wiped it out, but things will start rolling. 

So, if you ask me to do something and I say no, or suggest something else in place of it, please know it is not anything personal, it is just my alter ego Dixie DeBT eLiMiNaTOR reminding me who is in charge.  Take for example the grass.  Rather than putting some much needed sod down in my backyard, I think that $200 will be better spent obtaining my next credit card $0!  The sixth zero of this journey is so, so close!

Back on Plan

Well, as I told DC, my weekends seem to be where the problems lie.  Obviously I am hardly spending anything during the week. 

Monday
 Diet - It was good.  I had supper at a friends house so not really sure on the calorie count, but it wasn't a huge serving and was pretty good.  :)
Exercise - I got my 4 mile loop in before I headed to my first knitting lesson. 
Money - Pace yourself kids, 0.25.  Yes I spent a whole quarter today.  My lessons are free and Ms. M use to teach in Mexico so she had a ton of free yarn and needles I could use.  :)
Cleaning - Not too much to be done.  Picked up things laying around and that was about it.

Tuesday - It was not a good day eating.  It wasn't that I was eating out or anything, just not the best choices.  I had ice cream in the freezer and I don't think that was a good supper selection.  LOL  But, the positive is I am still Doughnut free!
Exercise - It was a Lowe's day, so nada.
Money - I was a big spender today compared to days past, but it was all budgeted.  I spent $0.25 on my Diet Coke, $33 and change at Walgreens for female supplies (emergency) and more allergy meds, and $50 at Petco for the 40 lbs of dog food.  Finnegus was starting to get hungry.
Cleaning - Nada

Backward Weekend

So, I have determined that for the most part, weekends are my downfall and where the problems lie.  I spend more money in a weekend than I probably do in an average week.  I had my debit card in my purse which resulted in way too much impulse spending.  Urrrrrggggg.  I stayed out way too late on Friday night and spent the rest of the weekend trying to recover and as a result, zero in the workout category.  Cleaning was probably my only bright spot and I did pick up around the house, cleaned the floors and washed Finn's lower half because he managed to become a mud ball on both Friday night and Saturday afternoon.  On the bright side of the weekend - I did have a nice date on Friday night with a new guy.  :)  More to come later on that. 

Exhaustion

That is what today is.  Yesterday started out as an okay day and then just took a drastic spiral at the end of the day.  At this point, I don't know what I am going to do.  But enough of that for now.  I couldn't shut my brain off last night when I did finally go to bed and it was still after midnight before the alarm went off.

So First things first - today was Weigh in Day.   187.6 is the official number.  7.6 to go.

Summary of Day 3:


Eating - I did okay. D2ND  but we are starting over on the darn Vending Machine.  I had a salad from Freebirds for lunch so I am not sure if that was good or bad.  I did have just a baked potato for supper, so hopefully it balanced out.

Exercise - Negative.  It was too darn cold - or that was my thinking.  I was exhausted when I got home and took a nap.  I was going to open mail, eat supper and then walk the dogs for a bit.  Maybe I should of just skipped the mail and leave that to Saturday's.  Needless to say - no walk for me or the dogs.  :(

Cleaning - Nada but really wasn't much to be done outside of unload the dishwasher.  That can wait another day.
Money - Well, my spending was $0.50 on two sodas, $50 on the vending machine and $6.62 at Freebirds.  That is the positive. $25 went to the Kohl's debt gods. The negative is that a tight budget needs to find more ways to be cut.  My saga of credit card debt and the hands that bind continue.  Target - well they got me this time.  I was on back to back 6 month lower interest plans, well in December, I came off the last one and didn't realize it.  So, my payment wasn't automatically made to them.  They called me about two weeks after the fact and I paid them.  Then I made my payment in January.  Last night I opened my new bill.  I missed a payment in their minds and now I have a 29.99% interest rate to go with a $170 payment.  That is a $100 more each month I need to come up with just to pay them the mininum, never mind attempting to make a dent.  The monthly interest charges almost equal my monthly budget for food which is a mear $150.  Seriously considering the word bankruptcy.  :(  I can't win if I tried.