Life As We Know It

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - E.M. Forster

I don't think it is a day that I will ever forget but I think it is a day that I needed to have and that everyone should really go through it once in their lifetime.  It is one of the most humbling days, most trying days you can have.  It is one of those days all you want to do is sit in a ball and cry and ask: Why me? How am I going to manage my finances? How am I going to pay my bills? What did I do to deserve this?  To say I was scared out of my mind, pissed, sad and every emotion in between was an understatement. 

But, I was also embarrassed.  I did not want anyone to know.  I was ashamed.  I did not want the judgments, the gossip and just the overall hurt that are sometimes felt from individuals unintentional comments and words.

On April 15th, I reported to work a little after 9.  A little later than normal but I had been there until after 7 pm the night before as Runner was traveling for work which makes work life crazy and I had also been in meetings with the boss discussing delivery issues.  At about 9:30 am, the boss came in and asked if I had a minute; I said sure.  Of course, what would play out next, never entered my realm of thinking.  

We entered the conference room and the CFO was sitting there and I jokingly said, "Well, this can't be good."  His response was "No, it is not."  Of course that sent my mind racing of, is this some kind of Performance plan, are we not getting bonuses this year because we hadn't so far, but instead I got, 

"The Company is restructuring and you did not make the cut.  Today is your last day.  Here is your severance package and your separation agreement.  Feel free to have an attorney review the agreement if you feel it is necessary." ~  CFO

Then I was asked if I wanted to clean out my office now or come back later.  That was it.  Short and sweet.  No explanation.  No thank you for busting your ass the past year cleaning up the messes that were left behind by other people we fired.  No thank you for working so many nights and weekends without additional pay.  Of course, my boss being who he was, never said a word during any of it, he let the CFO do all the talking.

Obviously I opted to come back after hours to clean out my office and do it when just a few were left in the building.  It truly is a humbling experience being escorted out of the building.  My parting comments to my boss were: 

"You bust your ass for a company and this is how they repay you.  So very generous of them."

Ultimately there were three of us that were let go in the coming days.  Two of us from operations and the Vice President of Marketing.  I think it is safe to say that not one of us saw it coming.  There had been rumors the company was looking at merging/buying another company and there had been dog and pony shows but ironically I was the one telling people that we just needed to keep doing what we were doing.  We couldn't get our job done in a 40 hour week the way it was, how could they possible get rid of us?  Silly, silly me.

The past month and a half has been a learning experience.  Obviously I kept this on a need to know basis and after about a month in, I am fully at peace with everything.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I know I have grown from this experience and that I will be better off from it.  I have put my trust and faith in God and so far, he has taken care of me.  

Of course, when I have those moments of weakness, I do have the Unicorn here to bust me in the ass and tell me to get my stuff together.  She kindly gave me one day of mourning on loosing my job.  I was allowed one day of tears and then from there, I needed to be focused and get stuff done.  If I have down days, she kicks me in the ass and pretty much tells me to get over it, the only person I can control and worry about is myself.  She really is a cheerleader in my life.  I am not sure how I was blessed for her to come into my life but very thankful for it.

Now, how unprepared can one be for this you ask?  Oh...I don't know...I had not updated my resume since I took the job in October 2012.  Then there is the fact that in reality my resume really was still dating back to circa 2007 as I knew Runner at the company and being that it was so small, it was just a matter of getting an updated resume in their hands.  This thing had no objective, no results I produced.  Thankfully Unicorn and Grace helped me get that updated as best as possible so I could start sending out applications by the following Monday.  One day to mourn and by business day four of being laid off, I was sending off resumes.

Since then I have been firing off resumes for all kinds of jobs.  I have had referrals from all kinds of sources.  I have been blessed to have a lot of my customers that I worked with in this last role either offer to be a reference, ask for my resume to pass along or even line me up with an interview. The SIL asked if I would at least consider jobs closer to home as I have a niece and nephew that would enjoy seeing their aunt more often, so where I will land is God's will.  Ironically my first phone interview was with a company in Omaha.  Ultimately I did not get it but I thought it was funny since I could never get an interview in Texas when I was trying to move here.

I have had one offer so far.  The job was not the right fit for me and I had to decline, but it was an offer.  The interviews keep coming and at some point, when the time is right, the right job will be offered. 

Of course, I have learned that navigating the unemployment system in Texas is also a treat.  You hear the don't mess with Texas stuff all the time and they pretty much say that all over the place when you log in every two weeks to request your unemployment, note what you have been doing in your search, etc.  Silly me, fearing "don't mess with Texas" told them about the job I declined because it asks if you declined any jobs.  Now keep in mind the "rules" are that after 8 weeks of being unemployed, you have to consider jobs that are 25% less than what you previously made.  Well the job I turned down was far more than the 25% pay cut and since it hadn't  been 8 weeks, it shouldn't be an issue, right?  WRONG.  Apparently I missed the part that I only should report the jobs that I turned down that were "suitable" in nature.  As a result, my unemployment is on hold until further notice until they have time to investigate.  They are unable to give me a timeline of how long this "investigation" could take.

Oh the joys...you can only laugh and just keep trudging along.  Beating myself up is not going to help the issue and I can only control what I can control.  So, in the meantime, I will keep applying, keep interviewing and keep saying the rosary.  There is an odd connection to the days that I say the rosary to the days that I get emails for job interviews and/or job leads;  coincidence or Divine Intervention?  I think I'll stick to the later and keep saying that rosary.  

And now you know "The Rest of the Story...Good Day." ~ Paul Harvey

Where does time go?

WOW!   Six months?  Really doesn't seem that long ago that I was here.

What's even more of a WOW factor is that there are even followers that still come back and troll to see that I have failed, failed to update you on life, failed to even say what's up!  Yes, the the world continues to spin here in Texas, some days way faster than I want, some days in a direction I do not want but....

Oh life. 

I have wrote hundred's of blog posts in my mind over the past six months.  I have wrote even more in the past month.  There is so much on my mind these past few weeks that I would love to share with everyone but I am just not at that place that I am ready to talk about it, YET.  (Never fear...it is not health related, no I am not Pregnant and no I am not getting married!)

There is one thing for certain that I know, how life is today, is not how I probably pictured it the day I walked across the stage when I graduated high school.  It probably is not how I pictured it when I left college.  I know that it is not what I imaged it being at the beginning of December, but then again I never imagine January being what it was back in the first of December either.  Surly today as I sit writing this, I never pictured this month being what it was, maybe if ever, in my lifetime.

One thing I do know is that life happens.  No matter how much we plan, no matter how much we think we have it laid out in front of us, life happens and really the only person that knows where we will end up in life is the man upstairs.  What we can do in life is grow from it, learn from it and embrace the challenges that have been laid out in front of us.  God gives us the choice in life.  We can choose to be bitter and angry or we can choose to be positive and seek growth from the challenges He gives us. 

In the end, it's a matter of how do you want to face your maker, do you want to say, I accepted Your challenge and look at the better person you made me...or do you want to say well screw you, you handed me a life of lemons and crap and I am just over it.  The choice is within each of us and I think just writing this post helped me clear out some of my fog from today and made me focus back on what my choice always is.  Of course some love from Momma Bear never hurts either.

So, with that said, I clearly have some catching up to do...about 6 months worth and a lot of insight to share along the way.  I have done a lot of growing, especially in the past few weeks and definitely a lot more to go in the coming months.  If you are following this blog, you will be growing with me.  This will be a personal, spiritual, financial, life growing journey.

 

Stay tuned...I promise it won't be 6 more months before you hear from me...maybe more like 6 hours.  Until then, remember, your glass is half full or at least has room for a refresher. 

Love ya!

The Hits Keep Coming

They always tell you God has this Master Plan for you and that he does hear your prayers. He might not always answer them in the time frame you ask for them but the answers will come with the time. Last night, by the time I got home, I was 100% a mess. I can't tell you the last time I actually had done it, but last night I just found myself sitting on the closet floor crying, and crying, and crying. If this is God's Master Plan for me, I have to say that it really sucks up to this point and when is something good going to land in my world? I mean really is it too much to ask?


So, let me back up to the 30th of December. See, that was the day that my heavy foot caught up to me. I was in the middle of a pack of cars and thought if I go with the flow, I'm okay. Not so much. Because Officer Friendly was in such a holiday spirit, I received a $235 speeding ticket. $105 for just the court cost. Lucky me.

Then Wednesday was date number three with Turtle. I haven't blogged about him up to this point just because one date wasn't enough and well, I was just sitting on the fence with this one. I had a nice time with him when we went out but that romantic connection just didn't seem to be there. But, I figured why not keep going and maybe things would change. Of course, when we did go out, Turtle was a gentleman, we always met at the location we were going, always paid but on the same front, just seemed to always be nervous and uncomfortable. I think that is probably why I kept going back out, just to see if he would relax. He definitely was not one to talk on the phone. Heck, we had to do a change of plans for date two, that conversation last two and a half minutes. It was strictly the information about the date, no how was your day, etc.

Fast forward to Wednesday night, we ended up going to see True Grit. Now, he chose the movie (he had already seen it once) and the location. It was a new movie theater in the Domain and let's just say I was not aware until the next day that the tickets cost $29 per person! You had an assigned seat that was almost a recliner and really you could almost lay down it reclined so far. It was a nice place but I don't know if one needed to go that far. Anyway, he walked me to my car and we chatted for a minute. Then out of the blue came "May I kiss you?" I was stunned and I don't want to say I laughed in his face but did laugh and was like you are really going to ask? Is this what it was like to be courted in the 70s? They ask to kiss you? I mean really?!?! Unbelievable. I agreed, got a peck on the lips and then he ran like a little school girl, or so it felt like.

I was talking to my mom afterwards and was laughing and crying at the same time. If God's master plan is at work here, it seems like a cruel joke. I love kids, I want to have kids of my own and why can't finding a man seem to be ok? Why does it have to be so hard? I am so done with this dating thing. I mean maybe it is God's way of telling me to embrace single life and not deal with it? It was just a huge let down.

Then came yesterday. I feel like I am in a movie about a series of misfortunate events and I am playing the lead role. I have previously blogged about how my job continues to change for the worse and how I was trying to ride the tide. On a daily basis I take at least two calls, if not more, of people grumbling because they don't like the new log in process and just want to bitch. It honestly wears on a after awhile. Of course, I take the majority of the calls so I catch a majority of the bad calls. Take for example this week. Right now, I have closed out 71 tickets this week with two others closing out a total of 48. Seems even.

To help with the situation I have made some recommendations. Three months ago, I provided a list of questions for them to add to the reminder list to make things easier for the clients. Finally in December, those were approved - but nothing has been updated. I also suggested the beginning of December they remove a link that provided no useful value outside of cause confusion and frustration, again approved but nothing has been updated. Then right around Christmas, given the calls of people bitching and biting my head off on a daily basis, well I asked that if the team didn't want to do it, I wanted my calls recorded. I wanted the powers that be know how I am treated on a daily basis.

So, regardless of me trying to improve the situation, nothing has changed. That is until yesterday. Apparently a couple of reps have complained to the higher powers about me, probably the same ones that bitch at me. But regardless, I have determined that the Company values the paying members more than their employees. I was given two options, I can switch roles to a Data Administration role - which to me is a demotion of sorts because the current job requirements are that you need a high school diploma. Or, I mandated to have my calls recorded, my boss listening to them and provide direction on how I can better defuse the situation. Seriously? WTF? I honestly have never worked for a company in which people were allowed to call in and belittle people like what goes on here on a daily basis. I had one guy tell me that because I was an hourly associate, I cannot appreciate that time is money!
In three years I have gone from a job that I loved that had a few kinks to a job that I honestly understand why people say they are just putting in their time. If I am not valued as an employee, why would I want to care about the job I do.
So, that was my melt down. Dating sucks like no other. My job sucks like no other. Embracing the suck is not working for me people. I like to believe that most days I am glass is half full type person but yesterday was my glass was empty and I hate life day. I really questioned God and His master plan too. I don’t know if I would say I am better today about things, more I have chose to just not feel.

Once upon a time, long, long, long time ago....

I blogged. 

I can't believe it has been that long!  Yikes! 

Well, what can I tell you...hmmm.  Nothing really exciting has been going on.

4th of July - well that was uneventful and probably disappointing.  I went with a few members of the secret society group from Lowe's to TGIFs downtown so we can have dinner and then watch fireworks.  Well, at the end of the day, the service was so bad we actually missed part of the fireworks because the waiter couldn't get his act together.  He honestly threw our cards at us and told us to go, he would comp our meals.  We didn't stay out too late because at the end of the day, we were too hungover from the day before. 

A few weeks after that, Runner joined me and a trip to the Curtis Cabin for the weekend.  A weekend of R&R was what the doctor ordered for us.  I think one can summarize everything with saying that we did see Elvis and MulletMan was dancing with CrystalGayle.  It was good times with Big Country & his family!!!

Work, well my day job work is now on day 10 of hell.  We changed our website security to require dual authentication.  You would think we are asking people to log into Nasa.  No one can remember a 6 digit password or answers to security questions.  We have been yelled at, cursed out, threatened, honestly had no idea how long work days could be.

Men, well that is a subject we will leave for another day.  Nothing worth reporting.  People in general like to say that woman are full of drama, well all I can say is that really, I think it is the men who have drama and woman taken the fall for it. 

Career Change

Yep, that is what I am considering right now. I know - I hit 35 and suddenly decide I don't know what I want in life.

As we know, I was the coach in Nebraska. I loved it. Okay, maybe not the success I didn't have at the last high school but did love the coaching and the kids. I use to think that if I would go back to school, I would be a teacher once I am married so I could stay home with the kids in the summer and still be allowed to do the coaching thing.

Well, fast forward to my conversation I had on Friday night. One of the gals I work part time with at Lowe's also is a teacher. Yes, she works two jobs but it is because she is trying to put three boys through college without her Ex's help. We know how that goes! Anywho, she was giving me the run down on all of it. Basically, I would start out at less than $100 a month than I make now. However, they cover the insurance (savings of $62/month) and also contribute to a retirement plan - which I currently don't have through work. Never mind that I get summers off, Christmas, two week breaks. Or on top of that I will get 10 sick days and 10 personal days to use each school year that roll over. Am I crazy? Isn't this a no-brainer? In addition, I would get a raise every school year which is more than I can say for where I am at now, I have had a 2% raise in my 26 months of employment. Pathetic & sad.

So, that is what is on the mind today. I am suppose to be getting some information on what additional classes I would need to take to become teacher certified. The positive is that I still have a job and can get myself up & running on this in my free time!