Friday, October 17, 2008

The Cross we bear...

Well - I went through a hundred titles for this blog during my workout last night. I first thought about the power of 25 - 25 pounds gained, running .25 miles at a time but then thinking about everything that has taken place over the past day, week, year, I thought this one was more appropriate.

I think it came from a conversation I had with my brother last night in regards to a letter he received from a well intentioned aunt. In a nutshell - in my extended family - you are either Catholic or they cast stones at you. As long as you are married in a Catholic Church - it doesn't matter if you practice it or even pretend that you had been going as long as you make it seem that way at Grandma's. But that is a rant for another day.

The past year has been one filled with ups and downs. I easily could play the victim role and have all the sympathy in the world - but I don't want it. I chose to carry the cross that lead me to Texas. I was in an abusive relationship long before I moved to Texas, I even saw the signs of what was to come before I packed up my things to move here. Was it worse that I ever imagined and you have ever been told? A 100 times over. Maybe I hid most of it well, maybe I didn't. But, at the end of the day, no one told me NOT to move (nor would I probably of heard them) and so I carried the cross for myself and the Ex and moved to Texas. I carried his cross because I thought I could change HIM, lead by example and show him how to change.

But out of all of this - the Cross changed ME and changed who I am for the better. It was going to take my own doing, my own decision to ask for help when I needed it. I think that what I really took from all of it is that you need to respect others and the crosses they bear. We each have enough weight of our own that it is not OUR responsibility to worry and carry the Crosses of those around us. You are not going to be able to change the distance someone has to carry their cross or lighten their load just because you worry about them or want them to see the light on a subject. Be a friend, be there for them but don't try to change them to believe and see what you believe. You can try and nudge them in the right direction but until they ask you for help with that Cross - you are just creating more weight to carry for yourself.

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