Wednesday, December 30, 2009


At this point, all I can say is that 2010 cannot get her soon enough.  It has been an emotional roller coaster that I want off of! 

Let's see - you go out with a guy and then he tells you he is going to the coast for New Year and then to China a month for work.  WTF?  What was the point of going out if you were going to be AWOL for another month and a half?

The I got a call from the doctor's office today.  I had my well woman last month.  Apparently they had an abnormal pap, a very slight abnormality and I shouldn't worry but they want to repeat it in 3 months.  WTF?  Seriously don't worry?  Do you not read charts before you call people?  I mean 10 years ago I went through this for over two years.  Paps every 3 months, biospy's, per cervical cancer changes, cryotherapy, more biospy's and now you are tell me NOT to worry? 

Hopefully 2010 will be the year I actually catch a break on something!

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Survey


Name: Jennifer Kay Schmidt

Birthday: February 19, 1974

Birthplace: Columbus, NE

Current Location: Pflugerville, TX

Eye Color: Blue

Hair Color: Dirty Blonde

Height: 5' 4 1/2"

Right Handed or Left Handed: Right

Your Heritage: Mostly German with a touch of Swiss

The Shoes You Wore Today: Slipper with a brief moment in tennis shoes

Your Weakness: chocolate
Your Fears: Missing out on a family

Your Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni and Mushroom

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Pay off debt.

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL

Thoughts First Waking Up: What day of the week is it?

Your Best Physical Feature: Butt

Your Bedtime: 11 pm

Your Most Missed Memory: spending time at my grandma & grandpa's farm

Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke

McDonalds or Burger King: I suppose McD's only cause BK sucks here

Single or Group Dates: Either

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Don't drink tea

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate

Cappuccino or Coffee: I prefer Diet Coke for my caffeine!

Do you Smoke: If I do, I am really, really, REALLY drunk and it isn't a good thing.

Do you Swear: That would be like saying I am never a smartass either!

Do you Sing: I prefer the term Joyful noise

Do you Shower Daily: yes

Have you Been in Love: Yes

Do you want to go to College: I did

Do you want to get Married: Absolutely

Do you belive in yourself: Sometimes you need that friend to remind you how good you are!

Do you get Motion Sickness: Only on really bad seas

Do you think you are Attractive: Yeppers

Are you a Health Freak: I like my exercise, I like my meat & potatoes!

Do you get along with your Parents: Yeppers, my mom is my BFF

Do you like Thunderstorms: Only if it means I can be in bed longer!

Do you play an Instrument: I think I last a month with the flute

In the past month...

Have you Drank Alcohol: Yep

Have you Smoked: Nope.

Have you been on Drugs: Nope

Have you gone on a Date: Yep
Have you gone to a Mall: No - scary - I know.

Have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope.

Have you eaten Sushi: Never

Have you been on Stage: Nope.

Have you been Dumped: Nope.

Have you gone Skinny Dipping: Nope - it is winter!.

Have you Stolen Anything: Nope.

Ever been Drunk: Yeppers

Ever been called a Tease: Flirt yes.

Ever been Beaten up: Never.

How do you want to Die: Peaceful after living a full life with family & friends!

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A mom.

What country would you most like to Visit: Someplace with a beautiful beach!

In a Boy/Girl..

Favorite Eye Color: Any - but a sucker for beautiful eyes!

Favorite Hair Color: None

Short or Long Hair: short.

Height: Always been into taller guys

Weight: Slim-Average

Best Clothing Style: WTF?

Number of Drugs I have taken: Again, I repeat, WTF?

Number of CDs I own: Does it matter?

Number of Piercings: Not a big fan of guys with piercings

Number of Tattoos: Seriously?

Number of things in my Past I Regret: As long as they are in your past and you can move foward from them.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

In the Game

Well after months of taking a break from dating and the drama it had created in my life, I am officially back in the game!  No offense to the Chef or Copier Man, it just didn't work and to some degree just brought stress to my life.  I just went through a stage of just not wanting to date and want to focus on me.

Then, on Tuesday this week, I hit the low point. The Just a lot of Blah post.  I had a friend email and really life wasn't THAT bad.  It was a feeling at that point on that day that it was THAT bad.  But, everyone has those days.  This blog is my personal journal.  It is my thoughts, it is my feelings, it is just me.  Blah days and all.

So, it just happens that on that blah day, I got an email from a guy that I will name IT guy for now from a dating website .  Even though I wasn't in the best spirits, I emailed him back.  I figured, why not.  We spent the evening emailing back and forth and just seem to be a common connection on different levels.  Wednesday brought more of the same.  I had to leave early because of The Mash test so I gave him my phone number so we could chat about the possibility of meeting up on Thursday.  Well he called Wednesday night and the rest is history, or at least to the point of being back in the world of dating.

He is a really super guy.  We have a lot of similar interests but at the same time we come from different worlds.  I am hopeful that there will be a date two...but only one person knows the answer to that.  Time will tell.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Mash

Okay - I probably should but the disclaimer in that if you are a guy...this just might be TMI.

So - today was the day.  I was warned of it last year at my last doctor's visit.  I was turning 35 and with it, it was time for the Mash test - you know, the Mammogram.  I pretty much avoided it and thought that maybe they would forget about it when I went in for that annual check up on Monday.  Nope, no such luck.  It needed to be done and today was my lucky day.

First off, my mom kept telling me that it isn't that bad.  It just pinched.  But, no offense to my mama, but my Boys are good size.  There is a lot to mash.  I still was worried.

So - I get there on time and fill out the trusty paper work.  I get escorted back to the changing area which feels more like a dressing room.  There was three "areas" in which you could change into one of the lovely gowns.  It was like cattle stalls, usher you in, usher you out.

I change and go back into the room with the tech.  It was such a cold room.  It was the mash machine and then the techs computer behind some glass.  She tries to sugar coat the experience but really, who are we kidding.  You are going to take that thing, make it like a vice clamp around my boob and call it good.  You ain't gonna be able to sugar coat that.

So, Right boob up first.  Now why can't they make this machine like an x-ray machine and lower it.  I mean, I felt like I was standing on my toes.  I should of wore heels.  (Note to self: wear heels next time). It is weird, she just grabbed my boob and threw it up there like it was nice steak.  And then she again tried to make humor about how I need to strike this particular pose so she could get my boob in this particular position so should could get a good picture.  And then the clamp came down.  It wasn't bad, but the fact that it pinches and you are trying to hold still while it takes a picture while you are in an awkward position, yeah not fun.

So the good news is that after she repeats the shot on the left boob, she tells me she didn't get a clear shot. Apparently spillage happened with the boys.  I mean, I can't help they are big.  I can't help that they won't stay in place.  Can't we just call it good?  Nope, moving on.  I think at the end she took 6 or 7 pictures, which meant 6 times in the vice clamp machine.

I really don't know what has gone wrong but my right boob feels like someone took a meat tenderizer mallet thing too it.  Poor thing.

The good news is that she kindly told me NOT to be alarmed when they call me back.  They almost ALWAYS call the first-timers back.  They like to be overly cautious with the newbies since they don't have anything to go off of!  Lucky me.  Lucky for the boys. 

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


So - today we received the following email card from the president of our company....

So, I am going to assume by this email that by Happy, she means that it will be better times in 2009.  By Healthy, since our health benefits are increasing by 174.47%, I will need to be health just to afford them.  By Prosperous - I should expect at minimum a 2.82% increase in my salary just so I can make the same I did back in 2007 when I started here.

Season Greetings to you too lady!

Just a lot of blah

Yes, it is true. I have been in some sort of funk for at least the month of December if not longer. No idea what it is from, what triggers it but it is there. I wouldn't say that it is obviously noticeable but the ones that are around me all the time have noticed, always asking if I am okay. But, those that aren't, probably don't even have a clue unless I said something. I am sure it is a combination of things and really who knows. I just know that even typing this blog, I feel the urge to cry. Why? I really don't know.

I went home over Thanksgiving and spent the holiday with family. Maybe that triggered it, maybe it just made it worse. I am sure some are thinking - how can a Holiday with family make you blah? Or some are going to say - move home. But really it is a combination of things from home that are contributing to it.

One - I am 35, absolutely zero prospects in the dating arena and feel like I get closer and closer to the prospect of never being a parent. The dreaded biological clock factor. Now I know that weighs on me but to contribute to it, I go home to my parents house full of babies and soon to be babies. Both my younger brothers are parents (or by Feb) and here I am alone and going to be known as the Favorite Aunt. Don't get me wrong, happy for them, really sucks for me.

Two - While it is "home" it no longer is home. To some degree, I don't feel as if I belong. Most friends are too busy and involved in their own lives that I don't see them when I am on short trips back. Sometimes when I do get to see them, it almost feels like it is a formal meeting and I really don't know them anymore. For others, the only way they can see me is if I fit myself into their activities, so is that really a friend? Parties at my parent’s house I feel like the flower on the wall watching everyone else interact because they are around each other more. I normally get the hi, give me a rundown of your life in 5 minutes or less attitude. Really I feel as if I left, no one would notice one way or another.

So - whether the trip home created the snowball or just helped it gain is rolling full steam ahead. I had zero ambition to put up Holiday decorations because to me it meant finding time to put them up only to find time to take them down again. Well, Mama would have no such thoughts and so it is all up. Although, I still haven't made the effort to find the extension cord to plug the tree in. I had to put the tree on the landing going upstairs so I could use the baby gate to keep Finn away from it. To him, it represents a new chew toy.

Life here for the most part is good. I just have that blah mood and choose to isolate myself than be around others. The thought of going out for drinks after a Lowe's night is not something I want to do just because it ends up being a complaining fest about Lowe's for the group and really, it is a part time job to me. If I am that miserable and need to waste a good drink just to complain about it, I need something new - so I opt to go home.

My weight is really bothering me too. I am stuck in this yoyo between 188 and 186...yep officially obese according to the BMI. It doesn't matter what I eat, how much I exercise, it just bobs back and forth. But, if it kills me - it is coming off before the cruise in March.

This year will also mark my first Christmas on my own. No family is visiting and I will not be heading to Houston to spend it with the Curtis' clan. Really it is just a personal choice not to go. I am pretty sure I will be at work until 3 on Christmas Eve. Then because of my set schedule at Lowe's, I open the day after Christmas. I didn't attempt to ask it off since I was the only one to get the weekend after Thanksgiving off from the store. So, spending 6 hours in the car for less than a 24 hour visit, well, just doesn't seem worth it.

The other factor that is there and shouldn't be is the EX. He violated probation once again and is looking at going to jail for up to a year. I know he has made his own choices and it is not my fault, but at some level, I feel accountable. I know I couldn't have done anything different, he had the problem but well it is just there.

So that is the blahness in my life right now. Probably as depressing as it gets but yep that is my pathetic life at this moment. I know, if I told Mama, she would tell me to call Hypno lady so she can cast me into a happy trance again. Really, I just feel like I have been in a PMS mood for a month now. Really sucks and really I should call Hypno lady. Maybe I should just go and make that my Christmas present to myself and to the people stuck around me on a daily basis!

So, if you don't get a Christmas Card this year, do not be alarmed, do not be offended. I have no urge to write a Christmas card letter and make my life seem so great because right now I don't feel that way. Plus, again, the urge or writing out Christmas cards does not strike a chord either. I want to be true to me and doing any sort of letter/card would be fake because no one wants a bah humbug letter!