More Changes

You know, I think I am tired of changes and challenges.  Can I just have normal for awhile?  Of course, when I look at some of the things that my friends are going through, my changes don't seem that bad. 

So what am I talking about you ask?  Well back in October I went to the doctor to go through my test results in which my blood sugar was higher than what it should be.  Well, after 3 months of exercising and trying to lose weight, it was time to go back to the doctor on Monday.

After going through the generals, the first thing they did was a finger prick to check my blood sugar level.  Now, keep in mind I was fasting but they kept asking me if I had been fasting.  I knew that wasn't good, so I fired of a text to my mom to see what her's normally was since she is diabetic.  She responded that it was at it's highest 113 but usually lower than that.  Well, my number read 115.  Uggh!

So, after confirming once again that I was fasting, they did the big needle blood draw to check my A1C.  Now, this number measures your blood sugar level over a 3 month period.  My first number was 5.7.  My understanding is that a normal person usually averages 5.5, but the number should fall within in 4 and 5.9.  So, I wasn't terrible the first time.  However, yesterday I got the call that my number was 6.0 this time.  So, it was high.  I secretly think it was my mom's Christmas goodies that threw my numbers off.

But, in any event, I am now labeled as Pre-Diabetic.  Given my family's history for it with my Grandma, Mom, Uncle and little brother all having it, they are not treating this diagnosis lightly.  Especially since all of my numbers have gone up in three months and not down. 

Definitely will have a lot of learning to do in the next few weeks and months in regards to what I can and cannot do.  I will have to take classes to learn about things, meet with a dietician and learn to take my blood sugar levels on a daily basis.  CHANGE...uggh!  Of course, it also means that I am learning to navigate my insurance and what will be covered, won't be covered, etc. 

On the bright side, I do have a very supportive partner in all of this.  NoDIY is on board and wants to know what he can do to help and what he needs to do different on the nights that he cooks.  (Have I mentioned I am spoiled?)  We have also set some goals as far as weight loss goes so that will also be nice to have that support in the house.  I think that I am doing really well from an exercise stand point in that I run 3 times a week and those run/walks are now up to 4.5 miles in an hour.  Not land record speed but I am getting it done.  Then, on the nights that I don't run, the dogs get a 2 mile walk.  Now we just need to learn the food piece and need to lose some weight to get things going in the right direction.

A New Year

Which can only mean new resolutions. 

I know, I am a week in already.  But that doesn't mean that the resolutions haven't been on my mind, made or even been in action because they have.  What I really haven't done is sit down and look at last year's goals and how I finished them. 

So, here are things for this year.  Specifically they are broken into two parts with a floater to start with.  :)

The Floater - this is the easy one, or at least you would think so.  This one just requires me to complete something off of my to do list every day!  I have a notebook that I keep in my purse that has everything that I want to accomplish in a week and then some.  It can be anything from running on x days, walking the dogs to cleaning a toilet to writing a thank you.  So, to make my list shorter in the long run, my goal is to complete one or two things on that list every day!  Easy enough.

Financial Goals for 2012:
1.  Pay off remaining to debts
2.  Maintain $1,000 in an emergency fund
3.  Pay off 75% of my car
4.  Make payments on my student loan

Healthy Goals for 2012:
1.  Lose 20 lbs (more would be nice!)
2.  Exercise 5 days a week for an hour
3.  Do 3 races this year, whether they are running, biking or both
4.  Each healthy!

So, while the goals do appear "easy", they are going to require work and focus on my part to achieve!  However, I am NOT scared.  Bring on 2012 baby!

Can I get a Whoop Whoop?

Well, I haven't been posting much on my weight loss journey more because it has resembed more of a weight loss roller coaster.  A week of down, followed by a week of big up, with a little down and so on.  Then there were in between weeks because of scheduling that I just didn't make it to a meeting. 

Two weeks ago was the last time that I managed to weigh in.  At that time, I knew that it was not good because the lady asked me if I wanted to take off any of my jewelry or my sweater.  Well, the sweater couldn't come off because it was attached to the shirt.  I knew it was not good and it didn't disappointing, 186.8, 0.8 lbs. higher than when I started Weight Watchers.

Well, all I can say is that being in a relationship must suit me okay.  I know that I don't eat as much these days because I am not hungry.  I also know that I don't eat out as much because usually either NoDIY or myself is cooking.  I also know I don't have mindless eating at night and on the weekends because I am not thinking about it and eat when I am hungry.  Genius concept, I know.

All of this has translated into success on the scale!  Now it is not the clearest picture but it still shows a weekly (well two week) weight loss of 6.4 lbs. and a net loss of 5.6 pounds!  Now this means that I should be receiving my 5 lb. star in the meeting but since traffic was terrible, there was only 10 minutes left of the meeting so I am waiting until next week to get it.

Now let's see if I can get that 5% goal, or 9 lbs. before I head back home for the holidays?!?  If you count my journey prior to Weight Watchers, so far I am at 10.6 lbs. lost!  Feel better and better every day!

A Season to be Thankful!

It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving has already come and gone this year.  Even more amazing is that working two jobs is over a month past.  I cannot imagine ever going back to working two jobs nor do I think I will ever take on that challenge!  I think I can find other things to occupy my time!

Life definitely has had some interesting and good changes on my end.  Part of me still has that apprehension that nags in the back of my mind but it is something that I am slowly working through.  I like to think of it as baby steps in having a healthy relationship for a change.  Yep, I said that word, relationship.

Now, I must put this disclaimer out there that we have not used the words boyfriend/girlfriend to describe our status.  However, it is probably pretty safe to say that it is more than just dating.  Since Halloween, NoDIY and I have been spending a lot of time together, or at least as much as works.  Right now he lives 30 miles south of me which means if there is ZERO traffic, it takes at least 30 minutes to get there.  But, since I have to pass through downtown, it is not very often that I have zero traffic opportunities.  So, that said, we don't really spend much time together during the work week and spend most of the time together on the weekends.

Okay, well maybe I should say that we spend the entire weekend together, or close to it.  It is either me going down to his place or him coming up to my house.  We actually were talking last night that about how easy it is to be around each other and not feel like we have to be someone else or if he is at my house, I don't have that feeling of hosting a guest there.  Of course the pups love him and I continue to joke with him that the dogs get more love than I do!

As for Thanksgiving in Austin, this year was different.  I have a test that I need to take for work that my annual bonus is tied to.  So, even though I LOVE my Houston family, I do like that money in the bank at year end and opted to stay in Austin so I could focus on studying.  I did spend the day at NoDIY's house after doing a few loads of laundry and getting a four mile run in.  We had a very non-traditional meal of steak, potatoes, chicken noodles and corn.  Don't get me wrong, I did miss the turkey and all the family traditions but sometimes change is good too!

So that is my goings on right now.  Life consists of work, studying, running, and a boy.  I don't think life is too bad!

A New Doctor For the New Doctor

That is what I need.  I don't like the new doctor's new message, so the logical solution is find a new doctor, right?

So, this all started back in September when I got the news that my fasting blood sugar was higher than the normal range.  (I covered the call in That Day.)  Well, I trust my female doctor 110%.  He is the one doctor that I have seen from the beginning of living in Austin.  So, I trust his recommendation compared with the other doctors I have visited with off and on for colds since moving here.

Well, today was the day that I visited the new doctor.  Don't get me wrong, she is a really nice lady.  However, have you ever gone into an appointment thinking you know how it is going to turn out and then live in total denial when the answers were so not what you were thinking?  That they have to be off their rocker and refuse to change?  That there was me.

So, the message?  While I have not officially been diagnosed with Diabetes, my life needs to change.  I need to start living like I have Diabetes, starting now and in the end, by living like I have it, I may be able to avoid being diagnosed as having. Let's be clear, Dr. Bartos is NOT kidding around on this!  I had to make an appointment for three months out in which I have to go in and she will check my progress.  Let's not kid ourselves either, this is not a two appointment deal with her.  No, I have to go in to see her every three months for the next year.  WTF!  Really?  I mean, I have to sacrifice my doughnuts for breakfast?  No more snacks from the vending machine (cause I know they are not diabetes friendly)?  How does a diabetic survive the monthly chocolate attacks?

I know, it's my life we are talking about.  I realize that while I am not at my heaviest weight, I am still 50 lbs heavier than high school and 40 lbs heavier than my best in shape college body.  I know that given my Grammy and Mom are Type 2 diabetics and my Uncle and little brother are Type 1 diabetics the odds are in my favor.  Anyone that knows my mom, Grammy and little brother would look at them and say they do not fit the mold for someone that is a diabetic.  Yep, those are my genes that I inherited. 

I had a long talk with my mom tonight about it all.  Obviously making the right choices is something that I was raised around but never really had to think about them. My mom has been around the block a few times with diabetes, she agreed with what Dr. Bartos was saying and her approach.  Momma knows best and reminded me that if I follow Weight Watchers like I should be, I will be living like a diabetic. 

So tomorrow begins the change of Part III of my healthy life.  (Part I was free for all and Part II was living limited-Lactose diet.)  Tomorrow beings a new journey living like I am a diabetic in the hopes that I do not have to hear that I am Diabetic and rendered to a life of pin pricks, medication and trying to control my levels.  I know that I am going to make mistakes along the way as I learn to make better choices.  I know that I am going to have failures and successes when I am with friends and in social settings.  But, I also realize that I am going to lose weight along the way and will be living a healthier life. 

So, here is to Dr. Bartos seeing a little less of me in three months and an A1C number that declares I am not diabetic!

It's a start

Well, I will be the first to admit that after my melt down Thursday, I spent the next three days in 100% shut down mode to be followed with a semi-on plan day and an on plan day.  Obviously those things do not bode well for a great first week of falling Weight Watchers, but it did stick for me, or some of it did.

I know, it amounts to a Duck Fart, but it was at least a fart in the right direction and it is a process of going down.  I know that I didn't gain all of this weight overnight, so losing it all overnight is going to be impossible.  On the positive side, this past week I have really focused on trying to go to bed earlier.  Normally you would of found me awake anywhere from 11 - 11:30 pm and the alarm goes off at 5:45 am.  Can you guess why I drag myself out of bed?  So, I am really focusing on trying to be in bed, lights off by 10:30 at the latest.  Last week I had a few nights were I was in bed before 9:30 pm reading and out by 10:00 pm.  My goal is to get in a regular sleep schedule so I can maybe start getting a run in before work.  Crazy concept, I know. 

For other news, there are changes coming to Casa de Schmidt.  On Monday, I will be getting a roommate.  She is moving to Austin from Dallas for her new job.  She is an RN that is about my age and her primary schedule is Saturday & Sunday, so for some degree we will be ships passing in the night.  I think we will get along well and hope this one works out for me.  Thankfully it happens to be a weekend off from Lowe's for me so I can prep the house and that room! 

Later Gators!  (Did I mention she is a Gators fan?)

That Day

Yep, it has just been one of those days.  You know the days that it just seems like one thing after another?  The day that doubt just creeps in so quickly?  That the glass no longer feels half full but either empty or ready to say Fuck It and throw it down and smash it.  It is THAT day.

Let me just start of with that I have had to make some really hard decisions this past month.  They haven't been easy decisions and I haven't talked about them on here.  They are personal and something I have needed to deal with, something I do not want to be judged on.  If you don't know what I am talking about, don't worry, you are not alone, most do not.  Have no fear though, the are ultimate decisions for the best.

So, with that said, my stress level has probably been high and just dealing with things as they came.  I had a wonderful week off with my parents and aunt visiting and just was getting back into a grove of a little less stress.  Now, I must note that yesterday was the first day that I had to work both jobs in two weeks so I know that I was tired. Plus last night I was asked to serve as the Head Cashier since the one scheduled called out.  Obviously that in itself was an honor because there is a lot of responsibility and training that goes with it.  So, to be asked to do it with no training was great.  But, it was also some added stress because I was responsible for all the cashiers, making sure all the registers and money were closed and deposited at the end of the night, etc.  Needless to say, I was extra tired just making sure I got it all done and did it right.

Then today came.  It started as a joke.  Last night we had an upgrade to one of our databases, it was minor, but the calendar had been blocked so no one could be off and it actually had been rescheduled since the original date was set when I was on vacation.  The joke, the boss called out.  Now we know that if I would of done that, I would of either been drug to the office, for certain written up, if not fired.

Then there was a phone call.  Last week I went to see the female doctor for the annual check up.  It was the standard thing with the standard, if your tests results are normal, we will just send you a letter.  If there is anything we need to discuss, well we will call.  Well, they called and as it always happens, I was not at my desk to call back.  Of course, the message says not to worry but ummm, if you are calling you are obviously concerned about something right?  I called back within two minutes and got the nurses voicemail.  And I called back two hours later, same thing.  Called a little later, got the operator, transferred to the nurses station and yup, voicemail.

So, by now my head is spinning.  Now maybe I should clarify that in my 20's, I had pre-cervical cancer changes.  It was treated and every once in awhile something causes a flag and then need to just double check, no problem.  However, my mind was thinking...maybe there is cancer like changes again? But, then there was the full range of STD tests they ran.  I am a single lady and you can never be too careful. What if I have a STD?  What if it is HIV?  Then there was the full wellness blood panel they ran, for cholesterol and all that other fun stuff.  Maybe I have high cholesterol? And because I am my mothers child's, I continued to worry.  I had cancer or HIV, I just knew it.  The best news, by the time I left work at 4:30, the doctors office was closed and they never called back.  I got to sleep on it.

And because I like to worry and stress about things, I was starting to think that things were not right with Chicago, you know my one hope at meeting a normal guy, having a normal dating relationship.  Yeah, well not so much.  I texted him to see what was up and nothing prepared me for the answer I got, especially when I figured I would be seeing him this weekend.  The text....'To be honest, I have been busy but decided to move back to Chicago next month.  My mom has breast cancer and it is tough.  I'd rather be there.  I'm sorry.  Didn't decide till about a week ago and wasn't sure.'  So, that was it.  The end.  My chance at normal and something positive, a turn for the good.

Of course, that happened right before my appointment with Hairdresser.  She knew I was off my game as much as I would like to try and hide it.  :)  But, we just had normal and stayed away from the Chicago conversation while she readjusted my blonde that had fallen.  Well, while I was baking under the lamps, the phone rang...it was the doctor's office.  Thank goodness they opted to stay past 6 tonight to call me.  So, the bright side is that I do not have cancer, do not HIV, do not have any STDs.

However, because I am my Grandmother's granddaughter (my mom said I had to blame her), my blood sugar was higher than they would like to see for someone that had been fasting and had not eaten anything since the night before at supper.  Based upon the conversation with the nurse, for most, they would probably not worry about it and run a follow up test in year.  But given my genes...a grandmother, a mother, a uncle and a brother who all have diabetes, I can't wait.  Just grand.

So, that is my day.  I lost a great thing in a good guy because I always have that luck.  The good ones the timing always seems to be wrong and the bad ones, well they just suck.  Now, I have to deal with the odds of having diabetes.  I know it was one test, but given my genetics the odds are stacked against me and I know that one can live with it, its just a game changer.

Tonight, I just feel alone.  A nameless face behind words.  A person that is tired of fighting.  Tired of trying to do the right thing.  Tired of being in a big state and feeling so small.  Tired of missing out on my families activities.  Tired of not being able to do things with my friends here.  Tired of my phone never ringing.  Just tired of being tired.  Tired of That Day!

And So It Begins....Again

Yep, after having the parentals visit and seeing the success my mom, aunt and cousin have had using Weight Watchers, I decided it was time for me to go back.  The last time I got into those ultra awesome clothes in my closet, some of which still have price tags on them, was when I was on Weight Watchers.

Of course, some of the other inspiration was finding a poster from when I coached at Lincoln High.  It was unbelievable how skinny my face looked, never mind my body.  I'll have to try and post a picture of that tomorrow.  It seems so long ago but really it wasn't.

So, yesterday I saddled up and went to my first Weight Watchers meeting.  Tuesday nights at 6 pm will be my night.  My plan is to always stay for the meetings but since I am also going to start playing softball on Tuesday nights, I will have to skip the meetings if the game is at 6:30 or maybe just go to a different location over lunch.



Week 1



Now my progress tab will be a little skewed than what is on here but I will add my weigh in information to it as I go and Tuesday nights will be my new weigh in.

Today we are on plan.  Now if I can pull that off for three days - we will be making serious progress.

Higher Aspirations

Yes, it is true, I do have aspirations in life. 

Well as been the case for a few weeks now, Vanilla Horndog has been a pain in my tail.  He tries to keep track of what I am doing and likes to text "Are you ready?", which is code for him of I want to get together and have sex. (Sorry mom & aunts...I have had sex before).  I told him no which his response was you will be ready soon enough.  Of course, that just lit a fire under me and pisses me off.  I responded that the only way I was going to be ready is if I was in a relationship with someone and could see them at least once of week.  Of course, he tried to make it seem like I was being mean and that he just enjoyed good sex with me.  Well, never fear...I set him straight and haven't heard from him since then.  I told him that I didn't enjoy time with him but I am no longer going to be the girl that is good enough in bed but not good enough to date (unless you get sex) or be in a relationship with.   Call it wrong, but I have higher aspirations than being just a good lay in bed.  I am not sure if it was pointing out the lack of dating or my aspiration but haven't heard from him since then.  Boys.

Then there is the bright side of the story.  The new guy.  This one might have a chance to be around for awhile.  Per DC, he will be named Chicago.  LOL...personally I think since she is off today that her brain is soft.  (Luv ya girl!)  In any event, we have gone out twice now.  He has been in Austin a little over a year, moving here from Chicago.  He took a job for his friend that also moved here with his family and works as a Lobbyist for the Retired Teachers Association.  I understand enough to know they handle a lot of the retirement funds.  In true fashion, he also meets my tall definition and only stands at 6'4".  He played college basketball at Sourthern Illinois.

Last night I went to his apartment and we played Bocce Ball.  He lives in an apartment community owned by Jerry Jones and let's just say that, like the Cowboys stadium, it is over the top.  There are 9 pools, a fitness center that even offers classes, and among other things two Bocce Ball courts.  We had a lot of fun playing until the sunset and the lights were turned off.  :(  Afterwards we watched the NFL football game and relaxed.  So, if all continues to go well, we might have some Chicago stories in the future!

On a completely seperate note, I stepped on the scale today (I know I should do that every day!) but I finally hit my first 10 lbs lost.  Of course now I just need to hold on until next week for it to become OFFICIAL.

A break

I think that is what I need, a break.

A break from the dating world at least. I don't know if it is possible to try too hard to find the right guy that you end up wrecking the chances with new prospects? It sure feels like it. Then again, they probably weren't right for me anyway - but you know how that goes. So, I am taking a break. Unless Mr. Right appears on my door step, I am taking a break.

A break from dieting. I swear I have been in the up, down, up, down, up, down roller coaster called weight loss for months, maybe years. At the end of the day, I do really good for a few days and then fail miserably for a few more days and so on. So, instead of diet, instead of journaling, instead of a million versions of diet - I am going to just go with BEING. I'll eat what I want when I am hungry. I will listen to my body and just focus on taking care of me. Feeding myself with fuel and things that will energize me. Of course, working out will also be included in this adventure. Biking, running, just enjoying it outside.

A break from cable. I know, scary! But, I cancelled my cable on Tuesday. Oddly enough, I haven't been home to even notice that it is off. I think I was home for a half hour last night that I watched part of a replay of the Young & the Restless on CBS site but otherwise, I haven't missed it. Something tells me that tonight and tomorrow will not be much different. My Thursday night softball league starts tonight so it will probably be close to 9 before I am home, have the dogs walked, had supper and showered. Friday night will probably be much the same. Plus, it is the season of Crab Grass in my backyard which means I will be spending a lot of time in the backyard pulling out that darn crap and trying to get ahead of it since weed killer only seems to slow it down a little.

What I won't get a break from is work. :( Lowe's is tiring right now. We are staying open until 10 at night which means it is usually 10:30 before I leave and then I can never go home and go straight to bed. But, after they tried to pull a fast one and schedule me with 8 hour shifts on Saturday & Sunday, on top of my 10 hours during the week, HR told management they couldn't do it since I wasn't available. :) Win for me!!!  The other job, the real job, well it is just busy and we are waiting to see what our raises are going to be for the year, if anything.  Fingers crossed it is something!

Finnegan update - well I think he might of exhausted a few lives but it doesn't seemed to have slowed him down at all. Finn is back to himself, crazy as ever and is showing no effects from the Heat Stroke. The vet was certain he would have permanent brain damage, so I am very relieved! Unfortunately for him, it means that he has been contained to the back porch on nights that I work. I put the baby gate up so he can't leave the porch and run himself into heat stroke again.

Back on Plan

Well, as I told DC, my weekends seem to be where the problems lie.  Obviously I am hardly spending anything during the week. 

Monday
 Diet - It was good.  I had supper at a friends house so not really sure on the calorie count, but it wasn't a huge serving and was pretty good.  :)
Exercise - I got my 4 mile loop in before I headed to my first knitting lesson. 
Money - Pace yourself kids, 0.25.  Yes I spent a whole quarter today.  My lessons are free and Ms. M use to teach in Mexico so she had a ton of free yarn and needles I could use.  :)
Cleaning - Not too much to be done.  Picked up things laying around and that was about it.

Tuesday - It was not a good day eating.  It wasn't that I was eating out or anything, just not the best choices.  I had ice cream in the freezer and I don't think that was a good supper selection.  LOL  But, the positive is I am still Doughnut free!
Exercise - It was a Lowe's day, so nada.
Money - I was a big spender today compared to days past, but it was all budgeted.  I spent $0.25 on my Diet Coke, $33 and change at Walgreens for female supplies (emergency) and more allergy meds, and $50 at Petco for the 40 lbs of dog food.  Finnegus was starting to get hungry.
Cleaning - Nada

Exhaustion

That is what today is.  Yesterday started out as an okay day and then just took a drastic spiral at the end of the day.  At this point, I don't know what I am going to do.  But enough of that for now.  I couldn't shut my brain off last night when I did finally go to bed and it was still after midnight before the alarm went off.

So First things first - today was Weigh in Day.   187.6 is the official number.  7.6 to go.

Summary of Day 3:


Eating - I did okay. D2ND  but we are starting over on the darn Vending Machine.  I had a salad from Freebirds for lunch so I am not sure if that was good or bad.  I did have just a baked potato for supper, so hopefully it balanced out.

Exercise - Negative.  It was too darn cold - or that was my thinking.  I was exhausted when I got home and took a nap.  I was going to open mail, eat supper and then walk the dogs for a bit.  Maybe I should of just skipped the mail and leave that to Saturday's.  Needless to say - no walk for me or the dogs.  :(

Cleaning - Nada but really wasn't much to be done outside of unload the dishwasher.  That can wait another day.
Money - Well, my spending was $0.50 on two sodas, $50 on the vending machine and $6.62 at Freebirds.  That is the positive. $25 went to the Kohl's debt gods. The negative is that a tight budget needs to find more ways to be cut.  My saga of credit card debt and the hands that bind continue.  Target - well they got me this time.  I was on back to back 6 month lower interest plans, well in December, I came off the last one and didn't realize it.  So, my payment wasn't automatically made to them.  They called me about two weeks after the fact and I paid them.  Then I made my payment in January.  Last night I opened my new bill.  I missed a payment in their minds and now I have a 29.99% interest rate to go with a $170 payment.  That is a $100 more each month I need to come up with just to pay them the mininum, never mind attempting to make a dent.  The monthly interest charges almost equal my monthly budget for food which is a mear $150.  Seriously considering the word bankruptcy.  :(  I can't win if I tried.

Survival - Day Two

Front View - Day 2

So it is time to put it out there.  These are not photos that I am proud of but they need to be out here, they need to be seen, I need to be accountable for what I look like!  Now we are going to kick it into gear and say hello swim suit!

Side view - Day 2

Summary of Day 2:

Eating - I did great!  D1ND (Day 1 no doughnuts) and D2NVM (Day 2 no vending machine), yes the small victories that I have but are needed for success! 

Exercise - Definite success here!  I took the dogs for a 4.1 mile walk in 1 hr, 5 minutes.  Not too bad if I say so myself!

Cleaning - One load of laundry, vaccummed, mopped a couple spots on the floor and washed dishes by hand!

Money - It was a HUGE day of spending!  $0.50 for Diet Coke and $3.47 - I got a small bag of flour, $.99 pack of pens for Lowe's and a $1 package of Butterfingers.  Had one and the rest went into the freezer.

Overall - I think I can say - winner, winner Chicken Dinner!

Survival of Day 1

Now I admit that I was over half way through day one when I blogged yesterday, but at the end of the day, I survived and made it all the way through, relatively unscathed. So here is my summary for yesterday:

Eating - Outside of breakfast, it was a great day! I avoided the vending machine snack trap! My breakfast - darn doughnuts got me. I am going to challenge myself and see if I can make it the next 20 days without one. Darn crazy addiction. If anything - I at least know what will be a good lent sacrifice!

Exercise - Since it was a dual work day, I was pretty limited on what I could do. That said, I still managed to get in a 1.2 mile walk with the pups before I headed in.

Cleaning - Not anything to report, well unless you count having to give Finnegan a bath last night. In his true boy fashion, he found the mud last night in the back yard! So, for the consecutive day, he got a bath!

Money - Overall, I would say it was a great day! I like to use the Latte Factor (coined by David Bach), if you take that purchase and multiply it by the number of days in the year - is it really worth that expense? My total outlay yesterday was $2.27, of which $1.77 was for doughnuts. Now if I got them every work day for a year - I would have spent $460.20...definitely not worth the cost to my middle! The other 0.50 was for my two Diet Cokes. Definitely a good day and not having debt cards in my purse is working!

Waning

Well we are officially 18 days into 2011 and my motivation is already waning for the New Year's Resolution Goals.  Now I admit that three days of cold and rain did not help any motivation at all but that is winter.  What should be surprising about that.

Then again, the more I think about things, I really can't say that my goals are waning, my effort to some degree is waning.  I get frustrated and tired of things being the way they are.  I have these goals out there and I seem to get frustrated because I can't hit them and then I either lose focus or just give up.  So, is it that my goals are just too big?  Or do I need smaller goals to go with it?  Maybe a combination of both? 

So, my original goals for 2011 were as follows:

•  Reach a healthy weight I can maintain by year end
• Maintain $1,000 in savings as an emergency fund
• Get off my happy meds
• Walk the dogs consistently
• Pay off credits cards and/or put a significant dent in all my debt
• Take stairs

So, obviously a few of them are easy to obtain.  The stairs, well I work on the 3rd floor of my office building and with the exception of twice, I have take the stairs both up and down every day, multiple times.  Some days I even throw in a hike up to the roof top access, all the way back to ground and then back to my floor.  Now, when it comes to Vegas - we might need to reconsider.

Walk the dogs - again another easy one.  Yesterday we logged 3.0 miles in the sunshine.  Both they and myself needed it.  Being cooped up in a house because it was raining and they couldn't run and play made for some extra energy for all of us.

The emergency fund and debt - that I am reaching out to my online group for support.  If I put my debt here and made it known, I think a few people would have a heart attack.  I do know that when the day comes that I dig out of this, still own my house and my car, I might have a case for writing my own book!  I definitely have some yearly calendar ideas that I think would be much more useful to managing daily to do's, bills that are do, debt, etc.

Finally, the healthy weight is where you mystery readers all come in.  I know you secret lurkers are out there.  Weight Watchers isn't working for me.  I "know" what I need to do and just don't log my stuff.  I figure I can cheat today and tomorrow I'll make up for it but then tomorrow comes and I cheat again.  A vicious cycle that never ends. So, I have set some smaller goals so that healthy weight doesn't seem so far off.  The first is 180 by Feb 10th.  That gives me 24 days.  The next is 170 which is by mid April, again far enough out. 

Now - how can you help me?  First, I am going to do my best to post my updates on the following every day summarizing how I did the previous day: Eating, Exercise, Cleaning and Money.  Knowing you read this helps!  Secondly, I am going to post my weekly weigh in and Photo! Knowing that my fat rolls are out here for all the world to see, well if that doesn't motivate me to lose them faster, I don't know what will.  On a monthly basis, I also provide my inches and loss to date.  It might seem like too much or not enough to you but for me I need it.  I work with an office of guys that might not even notice if I chopped my hair let alone discuss weight loss and I live by myself and outside of those brown eyes of Finnegus begging for a walk, no one cares in that house what size I am. 

So, we are going for blowing the waning out of the water and hopefully y'all can kick my ass along the way!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 8

Day 8 - Short term goals for this month and why

Well, if I do short term goals for December, it has to be the shortest term EVER.  So with that said - I think that I will go with my short term goals for the rest of December & January.  Now with that said, these are my goals for that period.  They are meant to help me tackle my New Year's Resolutions for 2011.  Yes, I have even put thought into those already.

So, for the rest of December & January - the focus is on me.  Making myself the top priority.  Now how am I going to do that? First and foremost is exercise!  Now that I am finally feeling better, I have started the Couch to 5k program again.  One week down and ready to look at Week 2 tomorrow.  In addition, I am also working through the 200 Situps and 100 Pushups apps.  Both begin Week 2 tomorrow.  I am putting my best steps forward to a slimmer, trimmer me.  Plus, on the days that I am not running and don't have to work at Lowe's, the dogs are going to be blessed with at least a two mile walk.  :)  So, I will be making sure I am logging at least 30 minutes of running/walking five days a week.  Eating has been healthier these days and that is a goal for January too - smart choices! 

The final plan which is probably going to be the biggest challenge for me is sticking to my budget.  Funny how that goes.  In any event, in my master plan, if I stick to it and end up with my best case scenario....I could have half of my debt paid of in 2011, including my car!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 4

Day 4 - A habit that you wish you didn't have.
 
Wow.  Which habit do I have that isn't bad?  But then again, if it is so bad, why do I still do it, why don't I change it?  What part of change is so scary that one allows themself to continue with a bad habit?  Why can I admit that it is a bad habit, but then do nothing to change it?  Maybe it is the procrastination habit that leads them all.  But at the end of the day, it is my weight that bothers me most and sinks my spirit the most, so lets go with that. 
 
I am an emotional eater.  No doubt about it.  It is my comfort when I am lonely.  It is my thing when I am bored.  It is my fix for my sad days.  It is there to celebrate.  Honestly, it is just always there and I don't want to blame my family, but I think a lot starts there.  I come from that large extended family that does not know how to gather without food and none of it is healthy.  Family gatherings are all day grazing events.  So, now that I admit that is bad habit number one, I need to work on changing that and finding other ways to recognize periods in my life.

30 Days of Blogging - Day 3

Day 3 -A picture of you and your friends.

As I am sure that all of you won't mind of posting some old photos with new photos. 

This first picture is from my crazy days of the 20s and 30s.  This picture was take seven years ago and is on the beaches of Hawaii.  Yes, five single girls took on Hawaii.  It wasn't my "skinniest" time, but I was in pretty good shape and had the confidence to wear a two piece back then!  If I could only get back to that weight! 

Now, for some of my now friends.  I say they are now friends because realize it or not, they have been there for me through some of the most difficult days of my life and are still here today!

The first is DC.  She and I met a zillion years ago on a weight loss board.  Honestly have no idea what the name of the group is.  We have only been able to hang a few times in person with her being in DC, but we talk almost daily!  We have definitely had some crazy, crazy conversations over the years and have battled this weight together.  Up for Twinkie's anyone?  (Only DC will understand that one!

The last picture I want to share is with Runner.  Ironically we met on the Weight Watcher's board.  She was on the Austin group with me and by the time we decided to meet it, we found out that our offices were right by each other!  The bad news, it was my last week at that job.  But, Runner was my first friend in Austin and she amazes me!  She wa a rock for me during some of my lowest points here in Austin and let me just be me when I needed it the most!  I love her for that!  When I was training to do the Cap Tex Triathlon, she was a faithful riding partner!  It was during those rides, I talked her into doing a Triathlon and this picture was from her first one, the Couple's Tri!  Today, she runs circles around me, training and doing so many Triathlons it makes my head spin.  I idol her abilities and she plain ROCKS!  Once I can kick this part-time job to the curb, I hope that I can join her in a few more Tri's!  I love that we can have a great time together and the best part of the friendship is that we can get in a sold 15 mile bike ride and catch up!

I have had so many friends that have been my rock when I needed it, dating all the way back to High School.  Sadly - I don't have any pictures of them, funny how I avoid the camera but don't mind taking pictures of others!  They know who they are and I appreciate all the love and support they have given me over the years!

Can't and The Misfits

As a softball coach, Can't was just a word I hated. To me, the girls had already mentally given up on something. I never was blessed with the best athletes out there. But I was blessed with great girls that had potential, were willing to work to get better, worked great as a team and had some of the best parents out there. The best team I ever had was the years of The Misfits. In a normal year, our club ball selections were done in August of the prior year. I thought the team was set and then do to a million reasons, I was suddenly left with 4 or 5 girls and not enough players for a team. It was winter in Nebraska, so having another tryout just wasn't going to be on the table. One family refused to see the situation for what it was and informed me there will be a team. And a team we had, the team of Misfits. It was a merger of two teams that didn't have enough players, it was players that were looking for a team, it was players that just didn't know they wanted to play that much. The Misfits worked hard and came together as a group. They might not have all been friends in a normal day to day basis but at the end of the day, they were teammates on the field. The team that was least expected to do well finished tied for 15th place in the Class B National Tournament that year all because Can't wasn't an option.

I know and accept I probably wasn't the easiest coach to have. I was hard on the girls and pushed each one to their break point. We had the girly girls, the tomboys, the athletes, the social players, we had them all. But at the end of day, they were all treated to the same and held to the same expectations. Softball was just a game and the practices and games that came with it were the lessons of life. You can't be late every day to your job and not expect consequences, softball was no different. Can't was not going to be an option in their life.

To a certain extent, I have kept in touch with a lot of players that I have coached in life. I have seen them graduate high school, graduate college, get married, have babies of their own, etc, almost as a proud parent. However, I really never knew the impact I had in their life until that silly number game on Facebook. The number game was easy, you sent the person a number and then that person updated their status on what their thoughts of that person were.

I sent Hollywood a message just for fun to see what she had to say. I call her Hollywood because she was my girly girl on the softball field. I think she is the only player I have had that had a serious gift for making a black eye disappear with a touch of makeup. She made the choice not play softball in High School but stuck with club team. To the outside world, she was such a girly girl but to our team, she was the competitor, she hated losing and did everything in her will power to try and play softball at Nationals when she was really sick. She has a great family and is a beautiful person in and out. The following is what she had to say....

#13 I CANNOT EXPRESS IN WORDS HOW MUCH YOU HAVE INFLUENCED ME THROUGH MY LIFE. THERE ARE TIMES STILL TO THIS DAY THAT I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD. TELLING ME TO ELIMINATE 'CAN'T' FROM MY VOCABULARY AND THAT MY MENTAL STRENGTH CAN GET ME THROUGH PHYSICAL PAIN. I STILL REMEMBER YOU YELLING THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER CAN RUN FASTER! :D #13 continued YOU PUSHED ME TO BECOME A BETTER ATHLETE BUT IT CHANGED MY LIFE IN SO MANY AMAZING WAYS. I WISH THAT I WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW THEN ABOUT HOW MUCH BETTER OF A PERSON I WOULD BE IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE OF YOUR LEADERSHIP. I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON BECAUSE I AM SO GRATEFUL....I'M SORRY, BUT I AM REVEALING YOU xxx. THANK YOU!

Honestly I had never expected the answer in a million years nor would ever feel that I had to be the first person to admit that I forgot my own speeches and have not been listening to my own advice. Can't...how many times have I used that world in my life in Texas, too many to even admit.

Can't is a word that can hinder a weight loss plan. It is an easy word to just to get out of workouts - I can't today - just don't have time. I have definitely allowed it to hinder mine. Can't is a word so easy to use, so easy to define your mental attitude towards something and so easy to be the excuse out. Yesterday's post was an eye opener for me. It helped me realize how much I was depending on that word. While I recognize that today hasn't the best start to my eating, I can change the way I finish my day with food and exercise. I can walk, I can make healthy food choices and I can kick Can't to the curb!

In the spirit of Hollywood, goodbye Can't, hello Can!! Are you willing to celebrate Can?

It takes 21 days to....

Can you complete that sentence?  No? Maybe? It takes 21 days to form a habit.  Today is day one!  So how my eating and exercise got off tracks I really don't know.  In the past two weeks I have accomplished a lot getting better organized around the house but the food and exercise went to make room.  But, it isn't going to be about just the food and exercise.  I have been lazy lately and not been doing what I should be doing.  Church on the weekends, cleaning and everything else.  So, today was day one of putting it all together.  Managing the two jobs.  Having a clean house so it wouldn't be a scramble if unexpected company came. Being in control of my money so I don't have to have the Lowe's job.  Putting my body first so I can shop in my closet by exercising and making healthy food choices. 

Hopefully if all goes well - I'll be able to share my tips and tricks that I learned along the way.  Maybe a new recipe or two. 

Over all, today wasn't too bad.  Eating, well there were a few things that I could of done better but it was day one without the vending machine at work and eating fast food.  Win, win.  Another win was taking the two flights up to my desk.  On the way home I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few staples I was missing, the fruit, the veggies, the things I go through every week.  After a supper of soft tacos with Chicken and salsa it was time to walk the dogs.  We did our two mile walk.  I am not sure how long it took because the pups beg the attention of the neighbor kids so we always have to stop and say hi. 

Then it was home for my workout...day two of Self's Your Weight Minus 8.  Today was 30 minutes of pound zapper and the strength cards.  I don't know what was worse, the pound zapper or the cards.  The pound zapper was 4 minutes of jumping rope, 1 minute of jumping jacks, 1 minute rest, repeat the sequence three more times.  Four minutes is a LONG time to jump rope.  Then the strength cards.  WTF is all I can say.  I think the gym cards are easier than the at home cards.  I mean, do a squat on your tippy toes and then stand up, still on your balls of your feet and push weights over the top of your head.  It was a combination pilates, weights and torture.   Thank god I don't need to think about that for another three days!

So that was day one...time for a shower and early to bed...I'm exhausted!