Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Mash

Okay - I probably should but the disclaimer in that if you are a guy...this just might be TMI.

So - today was the day.  I was warned of it last year at my last doctor's visit.  I was turning 35 and with it, it was time for the Mash test - you know, the Mammogram.  I pretty much avoided it and thought that maybe they would forget about it when I went in for that annual check up on Monday.  Nope, no such luck.  It needed to be done and today was my lucky day.

First off, my mom kept telling me that it isn't that bad.  It just pinched.  But, no offense to my mama, but my Boys are good size.  There is a lot to mash.  I still was worried.

So - I get there on time and fill out the trusty paper work.  I get escorted back to the changing area which feels more like a dressing room.  There was three "areas" in which you could change into one of the lovely gowns.  It was like cattle stalls, usher you in, usher you out.

I change and go back into the room with the tech.  It was such a cold room.  It was the mash machine and then the techs computer behind some glass.  She tries to sugar coat the experience but really, who are we kidding.  You are going to take that thing, make it like a vice clamp around my boob and call it good.  You ain't gonna be able to sugar coat that.

So, Right boob up first.  Now why can't they make this machine like an x-ray machine and lower it.  I mean, I felt like I was standing on my toes.  I should of wore heels.  (Note to self: wear heels next time). It is weird, she just grabbed my boob and threw it up there like it was nice steak.  And then she again tried to make humor about how I need to strike this particular pose so she could get my boob in this particular position so should could get a good picture.  And then the clamp came down.  It wasn't bad, but the fact that it pinches and you are trying to hold still while it takes a picture while you are in an awkward position, yeah not fun.

So the good news is that after she repeats the shot on the left boob, she tells me she didn't get a clear shot. Apparently spillage happened with the boys.  I mean, I can't help they are big.  I can't help that they won't stay in place.  Can't we just call it good?  Nope, moving on.  I think at the end she took 6 or 7 pictures, which meant 6 times in the vice clamp machine.

I really don't know what has gone wrong but my right boob feels like someone took a meat tenderizer mallet thing too it.  Poor thing.

The good news is that she kindly told me NOT to be alarmed when they call me back.  They almost ALWAYS call the first-timers back.  They like to be overly cautious with the newbies since they don't have anything to go off of!  Lucky me.  Lucky for the boys. 

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