“You have brains in your head....

You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
~Dr. Seuss

Overwhelmed might be the theme right now.  Crazy notion I know.  I mean, I am not working, how can I possibly be THAT busy.  But it is possible and it happens.

What do I want to be when I grow up is the million dollar question right now.  I mean I am 40+ years old.  I have 20+ working years left.  I've been an auditor.  A tech consultant.  A sales person.  Operations Management.  If you look at my books in my office, you would think it is personal finance.  What industry?  Insurance?  Technology?  Manufacturing?  Finance?  What is my niche?  What should my area of focus be?  That is the million dollar question.

At the end of May I hired a firm to help me do just that.  They are going to help me find that right job as well as get all the things done to get that right job.  However, in the mean time, I have learned that Austin is a city of it is not what you know but who you know.  So networking it is.  I was in a networking event last F
riday and they said that we should meet at least one new person a day.  My side that leans towards introvert is already screaming at such a notion.  :)

However, during the past two months, I am doing a lot of self discovery and almost everyone that sees me for the first time in a long time comments that I look refreshed and relaxed.  It further serves my reflection that losing this job was for the best.  Did I imagine still being unemployed two months in, no!  But am I still keeping busy, yes!  Do I think that I will come out a better person in the end than when it happened, ABSOLUTELY!!!

Right now I am in the process of trying to get a grant to go get my PMP (Project Management Program) & SQL Certifications.  These are fancy names for let me oversee your project, run reports while it is going and summarize it when it is done.  A lot of my work over the years has included the project management aspect piece, the certification makes me more marketable.  So, if you would add me to the prayers that grant comes through, that would be much appreciated!

I am still applying for jobs and doing interviews.  Right now things are going slow in that category.  I do not know if it is just Austin or if it is the Market.  I am hopeful that once I get all my homework down with my consulting firm, that I will have more companies that I can start to reach out to in regards to job opportunities.

Of course, on top of all the home work, interviews, applying for jobs, classes, grants, etc, I am trying to still go through the house and purge.  We are having a neighborhood garage sale this weekend (Saturday) so I am trying to get rid of everything that no longer brings me love or joy.  Prime example...that purse that had Amigo's coupons from 2002 in it....clearly that purse no longer brought me joy.  However, now I am stressing myself out because I have not quite finished purging, I still have to tag everything for the sale and I have only two days left in the week to do it.  As Charlie Brown would say...AAugh....

The work outs have been on a temporary break.  Three weeks ago, I found myself crawling on the bathroom floor in horrible pain.  A day and a 1/2 later, Unicorn took me to the urgent care because the pain was back and I just couldn't take it.  Without running the bill up
, based upon the initial tests, they felt I had kidney stones.  So, needless to say, I didn't get much done work search wise or any workouts in that first week as I was hopped up on pain pills and the other medicine they gave me made me sleep on the time.  The following week, I took it easy and this week, I just have been running crazy.

Hopefully things will calm down after the garage sale!  HOPEFULLY!

Where does time go?

WOW!   Six months?  Really doesn't seem that long ago that I was here.

What's even more of a WOW factor is that there are even followers that still come back and troll to see that I have failed, failed to update you on life, failed to even say what's up!  Yes, the the world continues to spin here in Texas, some days way faster than I want, some days in a direction I do not want but....

Oh life. 

I have wrote hundred's of blog posts in my mind over the past six months.  I have wrote even more in the past month.  There is so much on my mind these past few weeks that I would love to share with everyone but I am just not at that place that I am ready to talk about it, YET.  (Never fear...it is not health related, no I am not Pregnant and no I am not getting married!)

There is one thing for certain that I know, how life is today, is not how I probably pictured it the day I walked across the stage when I graduated high school.  It probably is not how I pictured it when I left college.  I know that it is not what I imaged it being at the beginning of December, but then again I never imagine January being what it was back in the first of December either.  Surly today as I sit writing this, I never pictured this month being what it was, maybe if ever, in my lifetime.

One thing I do know is that life happens.  No matter how much we plan, no matter how much we think we have it laid out in front of us, life happens and really the only person that knows where we will end up in life is the man upstairs.  What we can do in life is grow from it, learn from it and embrace the challenges that have been laid out in front of us.  God gives us the choice in life.  We can choose to be bitter and angry or we can choose to be positive and seek growth from the challenges He gives us. 

In the end, it's a matter of how do you want to face your maker, do you want to say, I accepted Your challenge and look at the better person you made me...or do you want to say well screw you, you handed me a life of lemons and crap and I am just over it.  The choice is within each of us and I think just writing this post helped me clear out some of my fog from today and made me focus back on what my choice always is.  Of course some love from Momma Bear never hurts either.

So, with that said, I clearly have some catching up to do...about 6 months worth and a lot of insight to share along the way.  I have done a lot of growing, especially in the past few weeks and definitely a lot more to go in the coming months.  If you are following this blog, you will be growing with me.  This will be a personal, spiritual, financial, life growing journey.

 

Stay tuned...I promise it won't be 6 more months before you hear from me...maybe more like 6 hours.  Until then, remember, your glass is half full or at least has room for a refresher. 

Love ya!

You just can't make this shit up...

Seriously, when it comes to my dating life...you really have to stop and ponder, how does this shit happen.

Well, it does start with crappy taste in men.  Clearly that is the historical pattern.  Yes there have been some good ones, but the serious ones are crappy.  However, the VERY good news on this front is that the choices are getting better.  The last is never quite as craptacular as the one before.  So let's celebrate that moment.

As for the rest...buckle up because this is an 18 month tale you will say...you can't make this shit up...by the end.

So we know that historically, the EX was the worst of the worst.  Ultimate fail.  Then there was NODIY.  While he might of won in the category of not physically abusive to me, there was the emotional abuse as well as just the slob factor.  Then came along ATM man shortly after NODIY finally packed up his junk and got out.  It was a victory with no physical or emotional abuse...but he had this other issue.

Oh the hope for ATM was there.  We had so many things in common.  Both single, never married, no kids.  He played professional baseball for awhile, enjoyed golf, had a good career, his own place and seemed like an overall decent guy.  But, we know as I go...they can never be normal and if they seem too good, it definitely is too good to be true.

Things started going downhill with ATM in the fall of last year.  He was always "too busy" with work to do anything.  According to him he had events, and all these other things going on with work that he didn't have time to date or do anything.  We would still do things, it was just few and far between.  We agreed that we were "dating" but we were not committed to each other and were allowed to date other people.

Being at the point that I was over men, I was okay with it.  It was what it was.  On the night of my birthday, I got a text from some random chick claiming that she was dating him and that there were others, blah, blah blah.  The ironic factor on it was that we were actually out to dinner for my birthday when I got it.  Obviously he and I had a talk about it and really didn't think too much of it.  We were dating, we were free to go out with other people.  I had gone out on random dates here or there in my quest to find the right guy but nothing had panned out.  Apparently the other chicks in this email distribution were not under the same understanding and the catfights were classic.  It was actually comical to sit back and watch it unfold because I knew where I stood with ATM and clearly they had zero idea.  Obviously it started to give me insight into who he really was.

Then came March and ATM attended the Round Rock Express game (our Triple A team) with me.  It was a work function in which we had Suite tickets and a lot of the execs from work were there.  Of course, he did what he does best and used it as a networking function.  Well, during the course of the game, I happen to see one of his text messages he received that said "I love you and appreciate you."  Instinct took over and I knew that was more than someone he was just "dating".  Of course, I was 700 hundred shades of pissed off but really couldn't deal with it in the moment as we were surrounded by work people.  Last thing I needed was them involved in is my stupid dating drama.

Well, according to HIM, she was someone through work that passed loans his way, etc.  He tried to explain that she was married, had two kids, her husband was in the legislature, how he didn't like they way they talked to each other, blah, blah, blah.  Of course, I am not an IDIOT and I was not born yesterday and your lies do not fool me.  Let's just say he was in a tailspin by the next morning when I informed him that they WERE married and he forgot to mention the divorce they got in 2007.  Apparently the fool didn't realize that people in the legislature have public records.  Because I am also very crafty in my research, I was able to track her down.    In his mind, he was dating her (AKA JDC) and was in love with her, never mind he was in my bed the day before.  Seriously, you are a jack ass.   I gave him through the weekend (it was a Thursday) to come clean with her.  I informed him that I was going to follow up with her too ensure he told the truth.  It's one thing to deal with this shit, it is another to know he brought her kids into it.  I held to my word and did mail this lady.  Women united in anger...for the moment.

Don't get me wrong, I was crushed.  I had so much hope in ATM.  He was a good guy, we had so much in common and were great friends.  For a good while we really didn't talk at all.  But then slowly, we reestablished the friendship.  We started doing things together again but we were strictly friends and sex was off the table.  It was a clear understanding from me that should I find out that he has lied to me, or spinned information to be deceitful...I was done and out.  Of course, he was playing the games with my heart.  He was always talking about how he was making all of these positive changes in his life, how I would always have his heart, and it went on and on.

Well you know where this is going....news flash...apparently I didn't ask the right questions.  I had once asked in passing if he was dating Pamela again.  She was one of the crazy girls back from my birthday.  Ha...I didn't ask the right question.  One fateful Friday night, I got an email from JDC, reading me the riot act for something I had given ATM.  So didn't see it coming but should have.

Wait for it....see ATM had started seeing JDC again and wanted a relationship with her.  I didn't ask so he didn't feel the need to tell me.  We weren't dating, remember?  Well when that shit didn't fly, he honestly told me that he was saying all the things he was to me because he thought I was....wait for it....


SUICIDAL


Yep, that is right folks.  He tried to spin it that he was lying and saying what he was saying because I was suicidal.  Nope.  Not suicidal but I might be homicidal.  Needless to say that was the final straw.  JDC was less than kind in some of her emails.  She even informed me that she would make sure I was "kicked to the curb".  You can't kick someone that is freely exiting the building.  You can be tomorrow's trash, I'm done.  I was just like look, you can have him.  If you want someone around your kids as a role model that cannot keep his dick in his pants...well have it and don't be surprised when you find out he lied to you yet again.

So, that was in June and well I can say that I have had no contact him with him since then.  He still has some small stuff of mine that apparently he is too immature to return.  But, I'd rather not have that scum in my life.  As my roommate says...he's a douchebag.

Now, if you are ever in the business of needing commercial loans in ATX area...please let me know and I am happy to share with you who ATM is and who you should NOT use.