Life As We Know It

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - E.M. Forster

I don't think it is a day that I will ever forget but I think it is a day that I needed to have and that everyone should really go through it once in their lifetime.  It is one of the most humbling days, most trying days you can have.  It is one of those days all you want to do is sit in a ball and cry and ask: Why me? How am I going to manage my finances? How am I going to pay my bills? What did I do to deserve this?  To say I was scared out of my mind, pissed, sad and every emotion in between was an understatement. 

But, I was also embarrassed.  I did not want anyone to know.  I was ashamed.  I did not want the judgments, the gossip and just the overall hurt that are sometimes felt from individuals unintentional comments and words.

On April 15th, I reported to work a little after 9.  A little later than normal but I had been there until after 7 pm the night before as Runner was traveling for work which makes work life crazy and I had also been in meetings with the boss discussing delivery issues.  At about 9:30 am, the boss came in and asked if I had a minute; I said sure.  Of course, what would play out next, never entered my realm of thinking.  

We entered the conference room and the CFO was sitting there and I jokingly said, "Well, this can't be good."  His response was "No, it is not."  Of course that sent my mind racing of, is this some kind of Performance plan, are we not getting bonuses this year because we hadn't so far, but instead I got, 

"The Company is restructuring and you did not make the cut.  Today is your last day.  Here is your severance package and your separation agreement.  Feel free to have an attorney review the agreement if you feel it is necessary." ~  CFO

Then I was asked if I wanted to clean out my office now or come back later.  That was it.  Short and sweet.  No explanation.  No thank you for busting your ass the past year cleaning up the messes that were left behind by other people we fired.  No thank you for working so many nights and weekends without additional pay.  Of course, my boss being who he was, never said a word during any of it, he let the CFO do all the talking.

Obviously I opted to come back after hours to clean out my office and do it when just a few were left in the building.  It truly is a humbling experience being escorted out of the building.  My parting comments to my boss were: 

"You bust your ass for a company and this is how they repay you.  So very generous of them."

Ultimately there were three of us that were let go in the coming days.  Two of us from operations and the Vice President of Marketing.  I think it is safe to say that not one of us saw it coming.  There had been rumors the company was looking at merging/buying another company and there had been dog and pony shows but ironically I was the one telling people that we just needed to keep doing what we were doing.  We couldn't get our job done in a 40 hour week the way it was, how could they possible get rid of us?  Silly, silly me.

The past month and a half has been a learning experience.  Obviously I kept this on a need to know basis and after about a month in, I am fully at peace with everything.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I know I have grown from this experience and that I will be better off from it.  I have put my trust and faith in God and so far, he has taken care of me.  

Of course, when I have those moments of weakness, I do have the Unicorn here to bust me in the ass and tell me to get my stuff together.  She kindly gave me one day of mourning on loosing my job.  I was allowed one day of tears and then from there, I needed to be focused and get stuff done.  If I have down days, she kicks me in the ass and pretty much tells me to get over it, the only person I can control and worry about is myself.  She really is a cheerleader in my life.  I am not sure how I was blessed for her to come into my life but very thankful for it.

Now, how unprepared can one be for this you ask?  Oh...I don't know...I had not updated my resume since I took the job in October 2012.  Then there is the fact that in reality my resume really was still dating back to circa 2007 as I knew Runner at the company and being that it was so small, it was just a matter of getting an updated resume in their hands.  This thing had no objective, no results I produced.  Thankfully Unicorn and Grace helped me get that updated as best as possible so I could start sending out applications by the following Monday.  One day to mourn and by business day four of being laid off, I was sending off resumes.

Since then I have been firing off resumes for all kinds of jobs.  I have had referrals from all kinds of sources.  I have been blessed to have a lot of my customers that I worked with in this last role either offer to be a reference, ask for my resume to pass along or even line me up with an interview. The SIL asked if I would at least consider jobs closer to home as I have a niece and nephew that would enjoy seeing their aunt more often, so where I will land is God's will.  Ironically my first phone interview was with a company in Omaha.  Ultimately I did not get it but I thought it was funny since I could never get an interview in Texas when I was trying to move here.

I have had one offer so far.  The job was not the right fit for me and I had to decline, but it was an offer.  The interviews keep coming and at some point, when the time is right, the right job will be offered. 

Of course, I have learned that navigating the unemployment system in Texas is also a treat.  You hear the don't mess with Texas stuff all the time and they pretty much say that all over the place when you log in every two weeks to request your unemployment, note what you have been doing in your search, etc.  Silly me, fearing "don't mess with Texas" told them about the job I declined because it asks if you declined any jobs.  Now keep in mind the "rules" are that after 8 weeks of being unemployed, you have to consider jobs that are 25% less than what you previously made.  Well the job I turned down was far more than the 25% pay cut and since it hadn't  been 8 weeks, it shouldn't be an issue, right?  WRONG.  Apparently I missed the part that I only should report the jobs that I turned down that were "suitable" in nature.  As a result, my unemployment is on hold until further notice until they have time to investigate.  They are unable to give me a timeline of how long this "investigation" could take.

Oh the joys...you can only laugh and just keep trudging along.  Beating myself up is not going to help the issue and I can only control what I can control.  So, in the meantime, I will keep applying, keep interviewing and keep saying the rosary.  There is an odd connection to the days that I say the rosary to the days that I get emails for job interviews and/or job leads;  coincidence or Divine Intervention?  I think I'll stick to the later and keep saying that rosary.  

And now you know "The Rest of the Story...Good Day." ~ Paul Harvey

Where does time go?

WOW!   Six months?  Really doesn't seem that long ago that I was here.

What's even more of a WOW factor is that there are even followers that still come back and troll to see that I have failed, failed to update you on life, failed to even say what's up!  Yes, the the world continues to spin here in Texas, some days way faster than I want, some days in a direction I do not want but....

Oh life. 

I have wrote hundred's of blog posts in my mind over the past six months.  I have wrote even more in the past month.  There is so much on my mind these past few weeks that I would love to share with everyone but I am just not at that place that I am ready to talk about it, YET.  (Never fear...it is not health related, no I am not Pregnant and no I am not getting married!)

There is one thing for certain that I know, how life is today, is not how I probably pictured it the day I walked across the stage when I graduated high school.  It probably is not how I pictured it when I left college.  I know that it is not what I imaged it being at the beginning of December, but then again I never imagine January being what it was back in the first of December either.  Surly today as I sit writing this, I never pictured this month being what it was, maybe if ever, in my lifetime.

One thing I do know is that life happens.  No matter how much we plan, no matter how much we think we have it laid out in front of us, life happens and really the only person that knows where we will end up in life is the man upstairs.  What we can do in life is grow from it, learn from it and embrace the challenges that have been laid out in front of us.  God gives us the choice in life.  We can choose to be bitter and angry or we can choose to be positive and seek growth from the challenges He gives us. 

In the end, it's a matter of how do you want to face your maker, do you want to say, I accepted Your challenge and look at the better person you made me...or do you want to say well screw you, you handed me a life of lemons and crap and I am just over it.  The choice is within each of us and I think just writing this post helped me clear out some of my fog from today and made me focus back on what my choice always is.  Of course some love from Momma Bear never hurts either.

So, with that said, I clearly have some catching up to do...about 6 months worth and a lot of insight to share along the way.  I have done a lot of growing, especially in the past few weeks and definitely a lot more to go in the coming months.  If you are following this blog, you will be growing with me.  This will be a personal, spiritual, financial, life growing journey.

 

Stay tuned...I promise it won't be 6 more months before you hear from me...maybe more like 6 hours.  Until then, remember, your glass is half full or at least has room for a refresher. 

Love ya!

Housekeeping, I bring you fresh towel?

Jennifer?
I fluff your pillow?
Jennifer, is that you?
Yes, Grammy it's me.

It was always the practical joke that I played on her when she called mom & dad's house.  She would always giggle.  Yesterday marked 4 years ago that she left this world and joined the other.  It some ways it seems so long ago and other ways, it just seems like yesterday.  She was a strong woman who taught me so much and in some ways feels like her life was cut too short, even though she was 88.  I have a feeling that tonight she is enjoying time with her sisters playing some scrabble and giggling at something funny.

This is a picture from the last time I saw my grandma.  Mom, dad and I went to visit her for the day and of course we had to go to lunch at her favorite place, Applebee's. 

So today, I remember her with tears of joy and not tears of loss.  I am so thankful and blessed to have been able to spend so much time with my grandparents growing up and in some ways being one of the "favorites".  Some kids might think it was the worse thing to do, and we probably did too at the time, but spending two weeks on the farm every summer was one of the greatest gifts we could of ever received.  Grandma would always take Trav & I to town,  and while she got groceries, we got to go to the pool.  Of course, no trip to town was complete without a stop to Goodrich Dairy, she would get milk for the week and we would get Orange Casanova's. Now my favorite was bread fresh out of the oven with a little butter and homemade Blackberry Jam.  Yummy. 

We also learned the lesson that if you got stung by a bee, you should put mud on it.  Now, I don't think Grandma was prepared for the afternoon when Travis & I covered ourselves in mud at the pump house and tried to convenience her that we were stung by bees.  Needless to say we learned garden hose water is quiet cold and it takes a LONG time to dry outside. 

Diamond Lil, I think the most important thing you taught us is to laugh and smile.  Life is too short to do anything else but that!  Love you always!

45 Lessons Life Taught Me

I was sent this by my cousin today and felt it was something that was just worth sharing with all!  Enjoy!

                                                                                                                                           

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio ..

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.  It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good..
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15.. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words :'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life..
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life.. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Oooopsss

I was doing so good on blogging and then, well, I guess I just fell of the planet.  

Oh it has been such a mixed bag of emotions these days and sometimes I just wish I could curl up in a ball and just wake back up when life was normal again.  That things were easy, carefree and I had it all.  Sometimes, on the outside I know I look like I have it all together, but on the inside I feel like it is all falling apart and I wish I could undo things.  Where do I even begin to tell the story at?  It is going to be a long one so grab your coffee because you just might need it.

Work, that thing that you have to do every day, that you should spend half of your waking hours at, that place you should love to go to.  I know that if you asked me a couple of years ago, while some things weren't perfect, I loved my job and loved what I do.  Today, I just feel like it is another anchor around my ankles.  My boss and I butt heads to the 10th degree on everything.  The favoritism was so unbelievable before I went on vacation it was insane.  Never mind him going postal on me because my dog needed an emergency vet appointment and I wouldn't be in the office to cover phones while he was in a meeting.  (It is important to note that the following day we both were in the same meeting and we would have the same coverage issues.)  Of course, it takes me  saying the discrimination in an email about treatment by him to his boss that makes things some what tolerable.  Funny how one word makes others take notice. Maybe part of it is me bringing it on myself and that what I do today does not require a college degree, it has changed so much from when I first started and it doesn't require any thought and just requires patience, something I lack at.  I won't even get into how I still make less today than I did when I left Nebraska in 2007.  I know I said I was okay with the pay cut and having a better boss, but I don't think I imagined it being 2011 and still making less than what I did four years ago.

Maybe it is Lowe's and just being burned out from working all the time.  But, I have to do it, I don't have a choice in the matter.  Without Lowe's, I couldn't pay the bills.  Unfortunately it is a necessary evil.  I have tried to make friends there but the drama that comes with it, it just isn't worth it.  Don't get me wrong, there are good people there but I always feel like I some how get sucked back into the drama of the others around them.  I wish I didn't have to work there, but I do and don't have a choice.  I need to be happy about going in to work instead of listening to people complain about things that go on there.  If I just go in, do my job and leave, I appear to be bitchy/snooty.  But, when you work seven days a week, where else can you make friends?  I have some at the other job and maybe I just need to make more of an effort there.  At least they tend to be drama free or if there is drama, it is a different kind.  

I miss my friends back home and the way things use to be.  Of course, I know that if I go back home, things won't be the same as they were.  It so hard to believe that when I moved here in 2007 on of my best friends and I were so close to being the in the same place.  Both were in relationships, both saw marriage in our future.  Today, how far apart we are....I am no closer to marriage than the day I went to college.  She on the other hand is married, happy has two beautiful kids and I don't hear from her because she has the "perfect" life.  

Sometimes I want to scream why me?  Why couldn't life be easy for me?  Why does God constantly throw things road blocks up at me?  I was a good kid in high school.  I got good grades, stayed out of trouble and I just don't know.  Sure I rebelled a bit when I got to college but I think we all did.  Then there was the sexual assault, I mean why did a bad choice on my part cause that to happen?  Didn't God know I was saving myself and that wasn't how I wanted to lose my virginity?  

Maybe that has jaded me.  Maybe that one event will define the rest of my life.  I hope not but look where I am.  As much as I have dealt with it, went to counseling on it, think I am over it, I still feel it haunts me and my relationships.  I grew up in a great family, with tons of love, support, kids and just a great sense of family values and there was nothing that I ever wanted more in life to have that.  Now, here I am 37 years old and watching the days pass on that that opportunity. The guys I meet are either only interested in sex or one of us isn't into the other.

I always think I am okay, that I just trudge along, people think I am rock strong and then it takes just little things to send me into a tail spin.  I have officially become the last one from my college softball team that has never been married and has no kids.  Me!  I just don't get how it ended up being me?  It sucks, 100%.  I know, you'll say you don't need a man to make you happy, they can bring problems, blah, blah blah.  Do this, for an entire week, go home to yourself every day and don't talk to anyone unless you call them.  Fix dinner for one.  Do all the cleaning.  Do all the laundry.  Yard Work.  Exercise.  It sucks! Now imagine doing that day in and day out for years.  

I know that when I came back from my vacation I was home sick.  Part of me didn't want to leave but part of me was ready to come back.  I love my family to death and love spending time with them.  I love spending time with my little man and am happy that my brother is so happy.  But then again, it sometimes feels like a dagger and a reminder of the perfect life.  So much has changed that I know if I moved back it wouldn't be the same.  My friends have all changed.  I have changed.  I can't get back what I had and can't go back in time.  Before anyone says just move back, it isn't possible.  I have a house now.  A house that lost all of the equity in it the past two years because prices continue to drop.  Now because of our lovely leaders, interest rates will go up and it would be even harder to sell.  No thank you.

Sometimes I just wish I could hit the backspace key and just do parts of life over again.  Would I go back all the way to college and undo that one night?  I don't know.  But sometimes I really wonder what life would of been had I just listened to my family and understand they only wanted the best for me when they pushed leaving the EX.  But I didn't.  I walked away from a job that paid well, from a softball organization I built, from a head varsity coaching job, from a great support system of family and friends all because I found love.  I wish I realized back then that love shouldn't come at the cost of all that and if it is real love, it wouldn't cost you anything, it enhances things.

I am sure come a day, a week or a month from now, I wish I could do the back space key on this post.  But it is how I feel today.  I don't have it all together right now.  My puzzle is all jumbled up and nothing seems to fit.  I know that in the days and weeks to come, the pieces will start coming together but today I just can't see how it is going to work.  I am tired.  I am tired of trying my hardiest and working my tail off and feeling like I just am not getting anywhere.  I am tired of feeling like I have to give up this or that just so I can save enough money for tires for my car or someone to put ceiling fans in my house.  I just need life and God to give me a break for a long time!

And friends, when I don't come running to help with your personal problems, please don't be mad!  I just need a break from being the rock, the go to person for advise for awhile.  I need a rock to stabilize me for a change.  I need to time to figure out me and not seeking out the approval of people in unhealthy ways.  I just need to "re"rock myself.

That's all for today.

Blogging Project - Day 7

My Zodiac Sign - and do I think it fits my personality

Maybe the most important question is, what is my Sign?  I sit on the cusp of two different ones.  Depending on which one you look at, I am either a Pisces or Aquarius.  However, most will default to Pisces and that is always what I considered myself.  I got most of my information from a Zodiac website (click here), all of which seems to fit me.  Of course, after I read the Deep Inside descriptions...it is almost sad.  I saw it ringing true.  :(

My traits in a nutshell:

Positive:  Loving and caring.  Trusting, hospitable, and will help all in distress.  Shy.  Helpful.  Romantic.  Creative.  Mystical.  Gentle and kind.  Compassionite.  Understanding of Others.

Negative:  Self-pitying.  Guillible and will give all in a lost cause.  Temperamental.  Dependent.  Esapist.  Sensationalist.  Depressive.  Can lose touch with reality.  Too emotionally involved with the problems of others.  Tends to blame self for everything.

Physical Apperance:

* Body: usually short and thinkset

* Back: may stoop as the person walks
* Eyes: a sleepy appearance with large eyebrows
* Head: oddly shaped
* Limbs: generally short

Hmmm - how about the Pisces & Love
To Pisces, there is no difference between love, affection, and romance. A Pisces needs all three. A Pisces who feels unloved is an unhappy person to whom life seems very gray. Love revitalizes Pisces.


Behavior When In Love
The typical Pisces:
* is romantic
* eager to please
* adapts to the demands of the relationship
* appears to be helpless, delicate, and vulnerable, but being loved enables Pisces to cope very well with a range of difficulties, problems, and tragedies
* is emotionally involved, to the point of not recognizing when he or she is being deceived or treated badly

Expectations
The typical Pisces expects:
* to have his or her dreams valued and to be protected from harsh criticism
* to be cared for romantically
* to have children (Pisces love children)
* to be frequently reassured that they are loved
* all birthdays and anniversaries to be remembered

Pisces and Independence:

Pisces needs a dominant partner of role model in their life or they will very easily fall into a pit of self-pity and self-undoing. When they are independent and inspired by life's events, their creativity comes shining through but they are unable to be on their own for long before they start dreaming in their imaginary world of happy people and happy endings. They need other people to keep them grounded and on the right track.

Pisces and Friendship:
Pisces will go out of their way to help a friend. They are extremely sensitive and loyal. They will take a friend's problem and make it their own and suffer with them. This is the weak spot of Pisces but any friend of this zodiac sign should know that although they are attracted to people with severe problems who desperately need help, this actually does more harm them good. Even though Pisces will offer to make everything right, do not allow them to take on all your problems because they will lose their identity in your situation. They need a strong positive friend to make them strong. Pisces like adventure, new situation and social events. A Pisces friend will always have something exciting in mind and it is a very fulfilling, long lasting friendship.

Pisces Deep Inside:
Pisces have an intuitive and psychic ability more then any other zodiac signs. They trust their gut feelings and if they do not, they quickly learn to because they realize that their hunches are usually correct. Pisces downfall is their sensitivity and their inability to reject another person. They do not like rejection and they try to treat others the way they want to be treated so they will rarely say no to a person for fear of hurting their feelings. They will help another person with their problems and like to do so because making others feel good in turn makes them feel good. Pisces is the zodiac sign of self-undoing. People born under this zodiac sign are not susceptible to bad luck and unfortunate events, they bring them on themselves by overindulging, laziness and a knack for picking poorly suited partners and friends. They want people in their life who stir their emotions because this helps them to practice emotional stability. The inner conflict of Pisces is extremes of temperament and conflicting emotions. They are trying to pinpoint themselves on the real world while their spiritual world can cloud their vision, they will try to escape or avoid a situation instead of confronting it. Pisces eternal struggle is to learn to use their powers and their imagination in a positive, productive way and vying for emotional stability by not giving away their emotions to everyone else, they need to help themselves

Does everyone agree that I fit here?  Although I do believe I definitely have some of the stubborness from the Aquarius.

Blogging Project - Day 6

30 Interesting Things about ME

  

1. I have the most amazing group of family & friends that drop anything to help me if it was truly needed.  My extended family is so close that I often consider them more brothers & sisters than cousins.  I feel blessed for them and wish everyone had as awesome of a family as I do.
2. I use sarcasm to hide my insecurities.
3. I have two dogs with two distinct personalities.  Guinness (the princess/drama queen) and Finnegan (the wild man/all boy) who are often referred to as Finnegus
4. I hate working two jobs, but it is a necessity.
5. I do not have the ability to sit still and staying home for a few days would drive me crazy!!  (Thanks Mom!)
6. I still miss and think about my Grammy (maternal Grandma) often!
7. I do not like rice and will say I don't like certain foods versus trying to explain why.
8. I do not see myself as pretty or beautiful but more of a plain Jane.
9. I have entirely too mucy crap.  (I really am working on purging!)
10. I am an Aunt to two and hope that one day the one knows how amazing I am like the other does.  (Some point CBM has to get her act together.)
11. I plan on starting a family of my own at 40 whether through adoption or other means if I am still solo.
12. Diet Coke is an addiction of mine.
13. I am NOT a morning person and would much rather stay up late but can't sleep past 8 anymore.  Just wait until 9 to talk to me.  :)
14. I feel embarassed if someone stops over and my house is less than perfect.  (I think I got this from my mom & grammy!)
15. I still doubt that I was good at softball.
16. I own a Jeep Patriot and absolutely loathe that car.  I think it is more because it is bare bones of everything (manual windows, locks, etc) and represents my connection to the Ex.  He walked away with nothing and I walked away with all the debt.
17. I have considered bankruptcy.
18. I still watch One Tree Hill.
19. I have a revolving To Do List that I have on me at all times.  It is everything from weekly work outs to things I need to do at some point.
20. I gave up cable and do not miss it at all.  (That is until Football comes around!)
21. I love College Football and would be happy watching it all day.
22. I was raised to work hard for what I want and have no fears doing so.
23. When it comes to the panhandlers on the side of the road part of me feels guilty and looks the other way, while the other part wants to hold up a sign that says I work two jobs to keep my home, if you have the time to sit here with your hand out, you have the time to find a job or two.
24. I don't get people that say I don't have money and need government help to feed their familes and provide medical care but can afford their Smart Phones & fake nails and everything else.  I do not respect these people and think they should be booted out of the system until their priorities are realigned.
25. My current credit card debt exceeds the National Average but with hard work, it will be completely erased in the next two years.
26. I have had seven surgies in my life with alll but one occurring between 1991 - 2001
27. I worry about my future.
28. I would love to vacation to all 50 states in my life and camp in as many of them as possible.
29. My favorite vacation was spending a month camping in California, Arizona & Mexico.  I wish I could re-do that vacation/class!
30. I wouldn't change my decision to move to Texas if I had to do it all over again!  I just wish more family & friends missed me enough to visit instead of asking when I am coming to see them. 
31. (Only because I needed one more) I am grateful for moving to Texas and getting to know Big Country and his family more than I did.  I truly feel they are my brother & sister here in Texas! 
32. (Because I can't count)I would love to have short hair but my hair grows to fast to be able to maintain it short. That said, I know I do envoke Hair Envy because I do have awesome!  (Thank you dad for those great genes!

Day 04 - Your views on religion

FINALLY, an easy one!

I grew up in a Catholic family. My mom converted to Catholic when she married my dad and going to Church every Sunday was how we were raised. CCD classes were attended every Wednesday night by both of my older brother and I. When we reached the 9th grade, both of us made the switch from public schools to the Catholic High School in town. My little brother went to the Catholic schools from K - 8.

I can't imagine what life would have been like without my faith. It was in everything we did. Weddings, funerals, and baptisms it has always been there. I think that Faith has what got our family through some of the most difficult times with unexpected loss of my Uncle and the early loss of my little cousin. I know that some day, when it is my time, I will be reunited with them in Heaven.

Our family has always had some pretty awesome traditions that revolved around the Church as well.  When we would visit Grandma Schmidt, she lived right across the street from the Catholic Church so her house was often a gathering point before and after Church.  My favorite tradition was always Midnight Mass for Christmas Service.  Usually it was 10 pm when people started gathering at Grandma's.  Then at 11:15ish, we headed across the street to listen to the Choir.  Afterwards, everyone would go back to Grandma's and we would enjoy, cheese, wine and a lot of munchies until 3 am or later.  That is probably the one tradition I miss most during the Holidays!

When the going gets tough, I pray. When Finnegan was really sick, I went home that night and I prayed the Rosary. Prayed that God would make my decision with him clear, that he will guide me to do what is best for not only Finn but for my future as well.

While I struggle at times with some of the Church’s teachings, I know that without the Church, my life would not be whole. Some of the things are trivial and some are not. Catholics believe you have to go to confession to ask God for forgiveness. I have never fully understood why I have to go in this little box and tell a Priest what I did wrong and ask for forgiveness or risk going to hell. I believe that I can pray to God and ask for forgiveness without going to Confession. Of course, saying that, anytime I have had a major surgery, I find myself back in the confessional "just in case". I sometimes struggle with other teachings and wonder if that is really how Jesus would want them or if that is how the Church interrupted his actions?

I still go to Church. While I struggle to make it every week, I do try and make sure I am going at least once a month or more. It is hard working 7 days a week, 60 hours a week and then adding that time in there as well. In Texas, for whatever reason, you don't get out in an hour. Most weeks it is at least 75 minutes if not 90. But, I did find comfort in going so I am trying to get back in that routine!

This is my angelic picture of me as a Miniature Bride.  My grandma made my dress.  My hair was down to my waist at the time and I can tell you I remember spending a LONG time looking down because some how they french braided it all in!  The dress was then modified (again by my awesome grandma) into my First Communion Dress.