[Disclaimer - Guys you just might want to skip this one.]
So, Mother Nature and I have a love hate relationship. I understand the need for George (my name for THAT time) to arrive every month. However, don't get me wrong, some days I really question if I am ever going to have that experience. That is another topic for another day.
Now, George comes in cycles. I have learned to adapt to them and roll with his whims. One thing I give him, he is at least consistent. I can count 4 weeks out, and sure enough - he is back. But, the luggage he drops off, I wish was consistent. Some months it is light, the next month it is flood gates. Truly I have been blessed with this disaster since George first arrived on the scene in junior high. I really wish my mom would take those roses back - I mean really I don't enjoy this "welcoming" to womanhood. Of course, there was the time the ER doctor told me I shouldn't be alarmed that I was going through a Super Plus every 15 minutes - that was normal. WTF?
Sorry, digressing. Well, George was due for arrival on Friday and as is normal, George arrived without much fanfare. Sunday, well that all changed. I knew George was a little heavier on baggage if you will but didn't think much of it. I headed out to Walmart to buy groceries for the week. Of course, they didn't have a number of things that I needed and I headed across the road to HEB. Well, by the time I got into the store, I had that uncomfortable feeling. But the feeling was beyond uncomfort. I honestly knew I was in serious trouble and was just trying to get out of the store. Have you ever tried to walk quickly while squeezing your legs together, praying to God few people notice and the damage can be minimized? Yep, impossible. Similar to the scene out of Super Bad, I just had my period in the grocery store instead of on someones leg.
Well, George didn't finish there and continued to create havoc on the rest of my evening. After four clothes changes, he finally decided he could be normal again. Just like a man, easily can &uck with your plans when you weren't expecting it. I think 9 months of pregnancy and not having to deal with George...well bliss.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Vanilla Part Duece
Well, it only took almost a month but Vanilla and I were finally able to figure out a time to go out that would work for both of us. Really it is mostly on his end that is the issue but we still manage to find time to talk every day.
In any event, Date 2 was just like Date 1 and he still is deserving of his Vanilla name. I went home and took care of the dogs and patiently waited for his call. Honestly, we knew we would do SOMETHING but what and when was still a mystery. He called about 5:30 and said he was stuck in traffic trying to get home. Now, we live on polar opposite sides of town which in Lincoln terms wouldn't be a big deal. But, think driving from South Point to I80 via 27th Street. That is the best scenario I can give you so, it isn't always the easiest thing to do.
So, I agreed to head south. Of course, Finn was being his normal problematic self and had to puke on the rug before I could leave. Apparently he still was housing garden hose remnants in his stomach from last Friday in addition to the plastic garden hose handle he decided to chew on the night before. So, finally got that mess cleaned up and then had to go back out and fill the water dish back up. I never understood why the water bowl was always empty when I got home but after watching him shovel it out with his paw, it became clear. Darn dog.
Vanilla was still in a prep stage when I got to his apartment (translate still in a towel). So, I waited for him to finish up and then we headed out for dinner. Lonestar Steak House it was. As with the other date, dinner was normal and conversation just flowed. I will say that I did experience a first in having my car door opened for me and all the other doors opened for me. It was something I could get use to. I also will have to get use to the compliments, which can't be a bad thing.
Afterwards, we headed back to his apartment. We watched Super Bad. Here is all I can say about that movie, it is a dude movie. Yes it was funny, but such a guy thing. I don't know if it would classify as one of those movies I could watch over and over.
Some might consider it boring, but it was a normal date and a nice change once again! Hopefully I won't have to wait another month to see him. I finally got home and into bed at almost midnight so it definitely has made for a long today!
In any event, Date 2 was just like Date 1 and he still is deserving of his Vanilla name. I went home and took care of the dogs and patiently waited for his call. Honestly, we knew we would do SOMETHING but what and when was still a mystery. He called about 5:30 and said he was stuck in traffic trying to get home. Now, we live on polar opposite sides of town which in Lincoln terms wouldn't be a big deal. But, think driving from South Point to I80 via 27th Street. That is the best scenario I can give you so, it isn't always the easiest thing to do.
So, I agreed to head south. Of course, Finn was being his normal problematic self and had to puke on the rug before I could leave. Apparently he still was housing garden hose remnants in his stomach from last Friday in addition to the plastic garden hose handle he decided to chew on the night before. So, finally got that mess cleaned up and then had to go back out and fill the water dish back up. I never understood why the water bowl was always empty when I got home but after watching him shovel it out with his paw, it became clear. Darn dog.
Vanilla was still in a prep stage when I got to his apartment (translate still in a towel). So, I waited for him to finish up and then we headed out for dinner. Lonestar Steak House it was. As with the other date, dinner was normal and conversation just flowed. I will say that I did experience a first in having my car door opened for me and all the other doors opened for me. It was something I could get use to. I also will have to get use to the compliments, which can't be a bad thing.
Afterwards, we headed back to his apartment. We watched Super Bad. Here is all I can say about that movie, it is a dude movie. Yes it was funny, but such a guy thing. I don't know if it would classify as one of those movies I could watch over and over.
Some might consider it boring, but it was a normal date and a nice change once again! Hopefully I won't have to wait another month to see him. I finally got home and into bed at almost midnight so it definitely has made for a long today!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Mother $uckin Bolder
Yes - these white bolders that have been added to my rock garden, yes those sons of itches came from my backyard. I had some trees that needed planted in the backyard and while trying to dig a hole - I came up with these things. Seriously - who would of thought that digging a hole would of been such hard work. Never mind that I needed to own an Axe pick to dig the darn whole.
In all, it was an exhausting day! I planted a Southern Magnolia, a Tuliptree stick, a Confederate Rose, landscaped on the side of the front of the house, edged around the yard, trimmed trees, and mulched.
It is sad when I am thinking I should be in bed by 8 pm on a Sunday!
In all, it was an exhausting day! I planted a Southern Magnolia, a Tuliptree stick, a Confederate Rose, landscaped on the side of the front of the house, edged around the yard, trimmed trees, and mulched.
It is sad when I am thinking I should be in bed by 8 pm on a Sunday!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Control
I think that some thought that my blog about the EX having a baby with the mistress was in somehow being disappointed about things not working out, so much not so the case.
So, tonight after plans fell through with the girls, I sat down and was watching Oprah that was on last week. I record her but don't necessarily watch it all the time. The subject was “Stay Alive” and about the new tool to keep you safe. I was intrigued, so I started watching it.
Well, basically it was about surviving domestic violence. I sit here and listen to Oprah saying, I don’t get how people stay when you get hit. It is so hard to put into words why you stay. I was in love. Then there is the control game that they play. They beat you down so you feel like your self worth is so low that you couldn’t do better than them, that you depend them to stand on your own two feet.
Honestly the first time that I got hit was very early in the relationship. I think we had started dating in February. It happened Memorial Weekend. We had gone to Kansas City for the weekend to celebrate his birthday. I knew that there were issues with his drinking but didn’t realize the extent of his problem. We had gone out drinking that night. I really don’t know what triggered it outside of his drinking but he was pissed by the time we got back to the hotel room.
The hitting started. I was scared shitless but knew I wasn’t going to get out of the room and then what? Where would I go? By that point, the isolation had already begun with my friends and family so I didn’t feel I could call them. I stuck it out. I know that I really didn’t sleep that night. I think we were up half of it fighting and he just kept on drinking.
I remember the drive home back to Nebraska the next day. I ended up driving because he wasn’t sober. I fell asleep and actually almost drove us off the road because I was so exhausted. I don’t know why I stayed. He promised change, the control continued and I was really just don’t have a good answer. Why do I write it now, maybe it is because of the Oprah show, maybe a reminder of why I am so blessed to be free!
There are so many more stories that could be told, being pushed down the stairs, being beat on, belittled, and on and on. But, they are part of my past. Yes, it will change how I enter into relationships but at the end of the day, I know my future husband will understand. I also know (or hope) that my family and friends will drag me out of any relationship, even if I am screaming and kickin, if they suspect any relationship isn’t healthy for me. I might have had two years of being poisoned against my family and friends but at the end of the day – they are the bomb and I will spend the rest of my days making up those two years to them! I just regret those friendships that I lost during that time and probably will never heal.
So, tonight after plans fell through with the girls, I sat down and was watching Oprah that was on last week. I record her but don't necessarily watch it all the time. The subject was “Stay Alive” and about the new tool to keep you safe. I was intrigued, so I started watching it.
Well, basically it was about surviving domestic violence. I sit here and listen to Oprah saying, I don’t get how people stay when you get hit. It is so hard to put into words why you stay. I was in love. Then there is the control game that they play. They beat you down so you feel like your self worth is so low that you couldn’t do better than them, that you depend them to stand on your own two feet.
Honestly the first time that I got hit was very early in the relationship. I think we had started dating in February. It happened Memorial Weekend. We had gone to Kansas City for the weekend to celebrate his birthday. I knew that there were issues with his drinking but didn’t realize the extent of his problem. We had gone out drinking that night. I really don’t know what triggered it outside of his drinking but he was pissed by the time we got back to the hotel room.
The hitting started. I was scared shitless but knew I wasn’t going to get out of the room and then what? Where would I go? By that point, the isolation had already begun with my friends and family so I didn’t feel I could call them. I stuck it out. I know that I really didn’t sleep that night. I think we were up half of it fighting and he just kept on drinking.
I remember the drive home back to Nebraska the next day. I ended up driving because he wasn’t sober. I fell asleep and actually almost drove us off the road because I was so exhausted. I don’t know why I stayed. He promised change, the control continued and I was really just don’t have a good answer. Why do I write it now, maybe it is because of the Oprah show, maybe a reminder of why I am so blessed to be free!
There are so many more stories that could be told, being pushed down the stairs, being beat on, belittled, and on and on. But, they are part of my past. Yes, it will change how I enter into relationships but at the end of the day, I know my future husband will understand. I also know (or hope) that my family and friends will drag me out of any relationship, even if I am screaming and kickin, if they suspect any relationship isn’t healthy for me. I might have had two years of being poisoned against my family and friends but at the end of the day – they are the bomb and I will spend the rest of my days making up those two years to them! I just regret those friendships that I lost during that time and probably will never heal.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Normalcy
Honestly – it hasn’t been a world that I have been able to use in some of my dates recently. Usually, I talk to the guy, he seems normal (some don’t even make it that far) and then by the time we meet up, things fall apart. I mean take BB, he seemed normal and then the wheel fell off on the date.
Well, last night was so different. He has been appropriately named by DC as Vanilla. The reasoning? It is normal; it’s plain, but totally delicious. We will see how much this holds true going forward.
We originally were going to meet a week ago this past Wednesday. However, he had a project at work take longer than normal and had to postpone. I was okay with not meeting up with someone after midnight – when he finally wrapped up. He owns his own audio visual company. He sets up conference rooms, workstations and a whole host of other things so, at the end of the day – he puts in the hours he needs to.
I originally was supposed to play softball and then we were going to meet after that. Of course, Mother Nature had better ideas with rain so I was able to get some cleaning done around the house while he wrapped up work. Apparently payroll is important for a Friday. We met at Baby A’s, a Mexican Restaurant not far from my house. They are known for their margaritas, especially the purple ones. So, of course – we had to have a purple one. (They limit you two if that tells you anything.)
I was nervous given that the previous dates or would be suitors were such train wrecks. However, he was perfectly normal! The guy sitting across the table was really the guy that I have been talking to for the past could of weeks. Chivalry is definitely not dead in Texas.
We had dinner and just talked. Honestly, it didn’t seem like we were there that long but in reality it was close to three hours. He walked me out to the car and we talked for a little longer. I did get the good night kiss but it wasn’t anything bad, groping, awkward. It was very gentleman like.
Will there be a second date between Vanilla and I? I hope so. If this morning is any indication with him calling on the way to work, there will be a date two.
Well, last night was so different. He has been appropriately named by DC as Vanilla. The reasoning? It is normal; it’s plain, but totally delicious. We will see how much this holds true going forward.
We originally were going to meet a week ago this past Wednesday. However, he had a project at work take longer than normal and had to postpone. I was okay with not meeting up with someone after midnight – when he finally wrapped up. He owns his own audio visual company. He sets up conference rooms, workstations and a whole host of other things so, at the end of the day – he puts in the hours he needs to.
I originally was supposed to play softball and then we were going to meet after that. Of course, Mother Nature had better ideas with rain so I was able to get some cleaning done around the house while he wrapped up work. Apparently payroll is important for a Friday. We met at Baby A’s, a Mexican Restaurant not far from my house. They are known for their margaritas, especially the purple ones. So, of course – we had to have a purple one. (They limit you two if that tells you anything.)
I was nervous given that the previous dates or would be suitors were such train wrecks. However, he was perfectly normal! The guy sitting across the table was really the guy that I have been talking to for the past could of weeks. Chivalry is definitely not dead in Texas.
We had dinner and just talked. Honestly, it didn’t seem like we were there that long but in reality it was close to three hours. He walked me out to the car and we talked for a little longer. I did get the good night kiss but it wasn’t anything bad, groping, awkward. It was very gentleman like.
Will there be a second date between Vanilla and I? I hope so. If this morning is any indication with him calling on the way to work, there will be a date two.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
One foot in front of the other....
Some days, it is all I can do, just put one foot in front of the other, make it through the problem, the fear, the anger, just to survive.
Yesterday I had a horrible headache. It was still there when I got home from Lowe's - my favorite 13 hour work day Tuesday. I was out right tired but couldn't sleep because of the headache. I was making me sick and nothing was cutting. So, if I am up, might as well surf Facebook. I mean I think I have 250 friends, so it isn't like I see everyone's status updates so I surf on occasion just to see what is up. Well, I have been friends with the Ex's mom on Facebook for a long time so I went to see if she had any updates. Nothing, but the Ex’s sister had wrote on her wall so out of curiosity, I went and looked at her pictures, wanted to see how the kids were. Well, there was a picture of a new baby on her page. I didn’t really think about it, I mean, she already has 6 kids, what is one more. But then, I saw someone make a comment, tell your brother congratulations. WTF? There is only one brother, the Ex. Long story short, it is his baby, born a few weeks ago with the woman he has been living with since we broke up, the same one he swore he wasn’t cheating on me with.
God the emotions I have. Here I am, working 7 days a week, struggling to get by because I took a $7,000 pay cut because of this great life we were going to have in Texas. Sure, his life hasn’t been a bed of roses, but somehow, it feels like he came out ahead. I still have the debt we had together. I am the one making less today than before I met him, I have few friends because I have to work all the time to cover the debt and less income. Sure, I own a house, but I feel like I am just getting by.
I am just putting one foot in front of the other today, trying to let it go. Dwelling on the past of what could have been isn’t going to help today or change tomorrow. I tell myself that God did me a favor that I never got pregnant while we were together. Heaven knows we weren’t careful.
Maybe part of it is a kick in the gut just because it is HER. Or because, while we rarely talk, he has never said anything about it. He told me he was trying to shield me from it, his words.
Well here is my shield….Fuck you. It might kill me and I might not have friends here and have to work my ASS off, but I will come out so far ahead it won’t be funny. And this time, I won't be using food as comfort. Your sorry ass will be motivation to run that much farther. Then I will happily run over your sorry ass.
Yesterday I had a horrible headache. It was still there when I got home from Lowe's - my favorite 13 hour work day Tuesday. I was out right tired but couldn't sleep because of the headache. I was making me sick and nothing was cutting. So, if I am up, might as well surf Facebook. I mean I think I have 250 friends, so it isn't like I see everyone's status updates so I surf on occasion just to see what is up. Well, I have been friends with the Ex's mom on Facebook for a long time so I went to see if she had any updates. Nothing, but the Ex’s sister had wrote on her wall so out of curiosity, I went and looked at her pictures, wanted to see how the kids were. Well, there was a picture of a new baby on her page. I didn’t really think about it, I mean, she already has 6 kids, what is one more. But then, I saw someone make a comment, tell your brother congratulations. WTF? There is only one brother, the Ex. Long story short, it is his baby, born a few weeks ago with the woman he has been living with since we broke up, the same one he swore he wasn’t cheating on me with.
God the emotions I have. Here I am, working 7 days a week, struggling to get by because I took a $7,000 pay cut because of this great life we were going to have in Texas. Sure, his life hasn’t been a bed of roses, but somehow, it feels like he came out ahead. I still have the debt we had together. I am the one making less today than before I met him, I have few friends because I have to work all the time to cover the debt and less income. Sure, I own a house, but I feel like I am just getting by.
I am just putting one foot in front of the other today, trying to let it go. Dwelling on the past of what could have been isn’t going to help today or change tomorrow. I tell myself that God did me a favor that I never got pregnant while we were together. Heaven knows we weren’t careful.
Maybe part of it is a kick in the gut just because it is HER. Or because, while we rarely talk, he has never said anything about it. He told me he was trying to shield me from it, his words.
Well here is my shield….Fuck you. It might kill me and I might not have friends here and have to work my ASS off, but I will come out so far ahead it won’t be funny. And this time, I won't be using food as comfort. Your sorry ass will be motivation to run that much farther. Then I will happily run over your sorry ass.
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