Life As We Know It

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - E.M. Forster

I don't think it is a day that I will ever forget but I think it is a day that I needed to have and that everyone should really go through it once in their lifetime.  It is one of the most humbling days, most trying days you can have.  It is one of those days all you want to do is sit in a ball and cry and ask: Why me? How am I going to manage my finances? How am I going to pay my bills? What did I do to deserve this?  To say I was scared out of my mind, pissed, sad and every emotion in between was an understatement. 

But, I was also embarrassed.  I did not want anyone to know.  I was ashamed.  I did not want the judgments, the gossip and just the overall hurt that are sometimes felt from individuals unintentional comments and words.

On April 15th, I reported to work a little after 9.  A little later than normal but I had been there until after 7 pm the night before as Runner was traveling for work which makes work life crazy and I had also been in meetings with the boss discussing delivery issues.  At about 9:30 am, the boss came in and asked if I had a minute; I said sure.  Of course, what would play out next, never entered my realm of thinking.  

We entered the conference room and the CFO was sitting there and I jokingly said, "Well, this can't be good."  His response was "No, it is not."  Of course that sent my mind racing of, is this some kind of Performance plan, are we not getting bonuses this year because we hadn't so far, but instead I got, 

"The Company is restructuring and you did not make the cut.  Today is your last day.  Here is your severance package and your separation agreement.  Feel free to have an attorney review the agreement if you feel it is necessary." ~  CFO

Then I was asked if I wanted to clean out my office now or come back later.  That was it.  Short and sweet.  No explanation.  No thank you for busting your ass the past year cleaning up the messes that were left behind by other people we fired.  No thank you for working so many nights and weekends without additional pay.  Of course, my boss being who he was, never said a word during any of it, he let the CFO do all the talking.

Obviously I opted to come back after hours to clean out my office and do it when just a few were left in the building.  It truly is a humbling experience being escorted out of the building.  My parting comments to my boss were: 

"You bust your ass for a company and this is how they repay you.  So very generous of them."

Ultimately there were three of us that were let go in the coming days.  Two of us from operations and the Vice President of Marketing.  I think it is safe to say that not one of us saw it coming.  There had been rumors the company was looking at merging/buying another company and there had been dog and pony shows but ironically I was the one telling people that we just needed to keep doing what we were doing.  We couldn't get our job done in a 40 hour week the way it was, how could they possible get rid of us?  Silly, silly me.

The past month and a half has been a learning experience.  Obviously I kept this on a need to know basis and after about a month in, I am fully at peace with everything.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I know I have grown from this experience and that I will be better off from it.  I have put my trust and faith in God and so far, he has taken care of me.  

Of course, when I have those moments of weakness, I do have the Unicorn here to bust me in the ass and tell me to get my stuff together.  She kindly gave me one day of mourning on loosing my job.  I was allowed one day of tears and then from there, I needed to be focused and get stuff done.  If I have down days, she kicks me in the ass and pretty much tells me to get over it, the only person I can control and worry about is myself.  She really is a cheerleader in my life.  I am not sure how I was blessed for her to come into my life but very thankful for it.

Now, how unprepared can one be for this you ask?  Oh...I don't know...I had not updated my resume since I took the job in October 2012.  Then there is the fact that in reality my resume really was still dating back to circa 2007 as I knew Runner at the company and being that it was so small, it was just a matter of getting an updated resume in their hands.  This thing had no objective, no results I produced.  Thankfully Unicorn and Grace helped me get that updated as best as possible so I could start sending out applications by the following Monday.  One day to mourn and by business day four of being laid off, I was sending off resumes.

Since then I have been firing off resumes for all kinds of jobs.  I have had referrals from all kinds of sources.  I have been blessed to have a lot of my customers that I worked with in this last role either offer to be a reference, ask for my resume to pass along or even line me up with an interview. The SIL asked if I would at least consider jobs closer to home as I have a niece and nephew that would enjoy seeing their aunt more often, so where I will land is God's will.  Ironically my first phone interview was with a company in Omaha.  Ultimately I did not get it but I thought it was funny since I could never get an interview in Texas when I was trying to move here.

I have had one offer so far.  The job was not the right fit for me and I had to decline, but it was an offer.  The interviews keep coming and at some point, when the time is right, the right job will be offered. 

Of course, I have learned that navigating the unemployment system in Texas is also a treat.  You hear the don't mess with Texas stuff all the time and they pretty much say that all over the place when you log in every two weeks to request your unemployment, note what you have been doing in your search, etc.  Silly me, fearing "don't mess with Texas" told them about the job I declined because it asks if you declined any jobs.  Now keep in mind the "rules" are that after 8 weeks of being unemployed, you have to consider jobs that are 25% less than what you previously made.  Well the job I turned down was far more than the 25% pay cut and since it hadn't  been 8 weeks, it shouldn't be an issue, right?  WRONG.  Apparently I missed the part that I only should report the jobs that I turned down that were "suitable" in nature.  As a result, my unemployment is on hold until further notice until they have time to investigate.  They are unable to give me a timeline of how long this "investigation" could take.

Oh the joys...you can only laugh and just keep trudging along.  Beating myself up is not going to help the issue and I can only control what I can control.  So, in the meantime, I will keep applying, keep interviewing and keep saying the rosary.  There is an odd connection to the days that I say the rosary to the days that I get emails for job interviews and/or job leads;  coincidence or Divine Intervention?  I think I'll stick to the later and keep saying that rosary.  

And now you know "The Rest of the Story...Good Day." ~ Paul Harvey

Old Fashion

Well any update in the blog world would not be complete with an update in the dating world. 

Of course, since I had not updated anyone in six months since the complete debacle of ATM, I better start with the one that there was initial hope for.  Now keep in mind, I was at the point I was done with dating.  I mean what was the point because I really wasn't meeting anyone of quality substance even though the red flag radar was getting better.

Then Vanilla Horndog reentered the picture.  If you need a refresher on him, just go to the "My Peeps" section.  He and I had remained friends on Facebook and chatted every once in awhile but that was about it.  He had called me out of the blue one day and things were beyond crazy at work and so I never really got around to calling him back in a timely fashion.  Oddly enough, then one day I got a friend request from some guy I did not know but Vanilla Horndog was a mutual friend on Facebook.  Of course, I didn't do anything with it and sat on it until I had time to connect with VH. 

Well, as irony would have it, VH thought he had the fix for all of these dating problems.  He knew a cool single guy and in his opinion, me being the cool single girl, well he thought we would be a good match.  Of course, this would explain the odd friend request.  Now this guy was an employee of VH's and he thought we might make a good pair.  Now, I was still on the fence, but Unicorn said I HAD to go.  For one, in her opinion, this guy was obviously already vetted by someone that knew me and two, apparently was in a good branch of the military at some point. 

I figured why not.  Well, we made it two dates before I was informed I was old fashioned.  Everything seemed really normal and he appeared to be a really nice guy.  Had his stuff together, had custody of one son and a good relationship with his ex-wife.  Why was I called Old-Fashioned, you ask?  Wait for it....

Yup...I am not interested in dating a functioning POT HEAD.

Yes, that is right, he liked his dope.  Apparently he was high every time we went out.  Apparently he is high all day, every day.  BUT, he rarely drinks.  In his mind, being high all the time is being sober.  Sadly Vanilla Horndog was not aware of this and so I had to explain to him why this was not going to work out.  He felt bad.  No idea what it did to his job but I had to be honest.

I have lived enough to know that I prefer to enjoy most of my days sober and want my partner to be able to enjoy life sober as well. 

So friends, if you are not okay with anyone that can "function" at being addicting to a mind altering substance all day, every day...you too are:

OLD FASHIONED. 

Where does time go?

WOW!   Six months?  Really doesn't seem that long ago that I was here.

What's even more of a WOW factor is that there are even followers that still come back and troll to see that I have failed, failed to update you on life, failed to even say what's up!  Yes, the the world continues to spin here in Texas, some days way faster than I want, some days in a direction I do not want but....

Oh life. 

I have wrote hundred's of blog posts in my mind over the past six months.  I have wrote even more in the past month.  There is so much on my mind these past few weeks that I would love to share with everyone but I am just not at that place that I am ready to talk about it, YET.  (Never fear...it is not health related, no I am not Pregnant and no I am not getting married!)

There is one thing for certain that I know, how life is today, is not how I probably pictured it the day I walked across the stage when I graduated high school.  It probably is not how I pictured it when I left college.  I know that it is not what I imaged it being at the beginning of December, but then again I never imagine January being what it was back in the first of December either.  Surly today as I sit writing this, I never pictured this month being what it was, maybe if ever, in my lifetime.

One thing I do know is that life happens.  No matter how much we plan, no matter how much we think we have it laid out in front of us, life happens and really the only person that knows where we will end up in life is the man upstairs.  What we can do in life is grow from it, learn from it and embrace the challenges that have been laid out in front of us.  God gives us the choice in life.  We can choose to be bitter and angry or we can choose to be positive and seek growth from the challenges He gives us. 

In the end, it's a matter of how do you want to face your maker, do you want to say, I accepted Your challenge and look at the better person you made me...or do you want to say well screw you, you handed me a life of lemons and crap and I am just over it.  The choice is within each of us and I think just writing this post helped me clear out some of my fog from today and made me focus back on what my choice always is.  Of course some love from Momma Bear never hurts either.

So, with that said, I clearly have some catching up to do...about 6 months worth and a lot of insight to share along the way.  I have done a lot of growing, especially in the past few weeks and definitely a lot more to go in the coming months.  If you are following this blog, you will be growing with me.  This will be a personal, spiritual, financial, life growing journey.

 

Stay tuned...I promise it won't be 6 more months before you hear from me...maybe more like 6 hours.  Until then, remember, your glass is half full or at least has room for a refresher. 

Love ya!

You just can't make this shit up...

Seriously, when it comes to my dating life...you really have to stop and ponder, how does this shit happen.

Well, it does start with crappy taste in men.  Clearly that is the historical pattern.  Yes there have been some good ones, but the serious ones are crappy.  However, the VERY good news on this front is that the choices are getting better.  The last is never quite as craptacular as the one before.  So let's celebrate that moment.

As for the rest...buckle up because this is an 18 month tale you will say...you can't make this shit up...by the end.

So we know that historically, the EX was the worst of the worst.  Ultimate fail.  Then there was NODIY.  While he might of won in the category of not physically abusive to me, there was the emotional abuse as well as just the slob factor.  Then came along ATM man shortly after NODIY finally packed up his junk and got out.  It was a victory with no physical or emotional abuse...but he had this other issue.

Oh the hope for ATM was there.  We had so many things in common.  Both single, never married, no kids.  He played professional baseball for awhile, enjoyed golf, had a good career, his own place and seemed like an overall decent guy.  But, we know as I go...they can never be normal and if they seem too good, it definitely is too good to be true.

Things started going downhill with ATM in the fall of last year.  He was always "too busy" with work to do anything.  According to him he had events, and all these other things going on with work that he didn't have time to date or do anything.  We would still do things, it was just few and far between.  We agreed that we were "dating" but we were not committed to each other and were allowed to date other people.

Being at the point that I was over men, I was okay with it.  It was what it was.  On the night of my birthday, I got a text from some random chick claiming that she was dating him and that there were others, blah, blah blah.  The ironic factor on it was that we were actually out to dinner for my birthday when I got it.  Obviously he and I had a talk about it and really didn't think too much of it.  We were dating, we were free to go out with other people.  I had gone out on random dates here or there in my quest to find the right guy but nothing had panned out.  Apparently the other chicks in this email distribution were not under the same understanding and the catfights were classic.  It was actually comical to sit back and watch it unfold because I knew where I stood with ATM and clearly they had zero idea.  Obviously it started to give me insight into who he really was.

Then came March and ATM attended the Round Rock Express game (our Triple A team) with me.  It was a work function in which we had Suite tickets and a lot of the execs from work were there.  Of course, he did what he does best and used it as a networking function.  Well, during the course of the game, I happen to see one of his text messages he received that said "I love you and appreciate you."  Instinct took over and I knew that was more than someone he was just "dating".  Of course, I was 700 hundred shades of pissed off but really couldn't deal with it in the moment as we were surrounded by work people.  Last thing I needed was them involved in is my stupid dating drama.

Well, according to HIM, she was someone through work that passed loans his way, etc.  He tried to explain that she was married, had two kids, her husband was in the legislature, how he didn't like they way they talked to each other, blah, blah, blah.  Of course, I am not an IDIOT and I was not born yesterday and your lies do not fool me.  Let's just say he was in a tailspin by the next morning when I informed him that they WERE married and he forgot to mention the divorce they got in 2007.  Apparently the fool didn't realize that people in the legislature have public records.  Because I am also very crafty in my research, I was able to track her down.    In his mind, he was dating her (AKA JDC) and was in love with her, never mind he was in my bed the day before.  Seriously, you are a jack ass.   I gave him through the weekend (it was a Thursday) to come clean with her.  I informed him that I was going to follow up with her too ensure he told the truth.  It's one thing to deal with this shit, it is another to know he brought her kids into it.  I held to my word and did mail this lady.  Women united in anger...for the moment.

Don't get me wrong, I was crushed.  I had so much hope in ATM.  He was a good guy, we had so much in common and were great friends.  For a good while we really didn't talk at all.  But then slowly, we reestablished the friendship.  We started doing things together again but we were strictly friends and sex was off the table.  It was a clear understanding from me that should I find out that he has lied to me, or spinned information to be deceitful...I was done and out.  Of course, he was playing the games with my heart.  He was always talking about how he was making all of these positive changes in his life, how I would always have his heart, and it went on and on.

Well you know where this is going....news flash...apparently I didn't ask the right questions.  I had once asked in passing if he was dating Pamela again.  She was one of the crazy girls back from my birthday.  Ha...I didn't ask the right question.  One fateful Friday night, I got an email from JDC, reading me the riot act for something I had given ATM.  So didn't see it coming but should have.

Wait for it....see ATM had started seeing JDC again and wanted a relationship with her.  I didn't ask so he didn't feel the need to tell me.  We weren't dating, remember?  Well when that shit didn't fly, he honestly told me that he was saying all the things he was to me because he thought I was....wait for it....


SUICIDAL


Yep, that is right folks.  He tried to spin it that he was lying and saying what he was saying because I was suicidal.  Nope.  Not suicidal but I might be homicidal.  Needless to say that was the final straw.  JDC was less than kind in some of her emails.  She even informed me that she would make sure I was "kicked to the curb".  You can't kick someone that is freely exiting the building.  You can be tomorrow's trash, I'm done.  I was just like look, you can have him.  If you want someone around your kids as a role model that cannot keep his dick in his pants...well have it and don't be surprised when you find out he lied to you yet again.

So, that was in June and well I can say that I have had no contact him with him since then.  He still has some small stuff of mine that apparently he is too immature to return.  But, I'd rather not have that scum in my life.  As my roommate says...he's a douchebag.

Now, if you are ever in the business of needing commercial loans in ATX area...please let me know and I am happy to share with you who ATM is and who you should NOT use.

An Apple a Day...

Is not keeping the doctor away.

I think I am adjusting to life as a diabetic, pretty well.  Maybe as well as can be expected.  From a medical standpoint, my last check up reveals that I would considered someone that is pre-diabetic or has very well managed diabetes.  So, THAT is a WIN in my book.

I have come to find that like my Grammy and Momma Bear, I too suffer from the diabetic crash at night.  I was always waking up with headaches but my blood sugar numbers were higher than what they should be by morning.  Well, after doing a few tests in the middle of the night, I was finding that my numbers were really low and my body was automatically rebounding them.  So, to counter that, if I have not had a late dinner, I will have a cracker with peanut butter to tied me over to the morning.  So far it is working because waking up with a throbbing headache is NOT a good start to the day.

Outside of the middle of the night crashes, I really do keep it in check and have only had one recent blood sugar crash.  That happened while flying for my racecation in Seattle.  Going through two different time zones and leaving Austin before 6:30 am and arriving at 2:30 pm Seattle time...well I learned that a bagel with cream cheese and a piece of fruit will NOT keep my blood sugar stable for that long of a period of time.  Thankfully I had my Glucose tablets on me and Momma Bear was wiser than me and had traveled with peanuts, both of which saved the day.

I am still watching what I eat and making a slow gradual decline in the weight front.  With all the marathons this year, two 1/2 marathon's so far, I am seeing more inches versus weight go. So far, as of Tuesday, I am down 11.6 lbs, or 6%.   Definitely been a great feeling shopping in the closest.  Runner is also kind enough to point out those outfits that should be retired or never worn again unless they are going to a tailor first, which is never a bad thing to have happen.

But even with all the victories, the last six month check up was still a bust on the blood work and back to the doctor I went.  My overall cholesterol number is good, however, my LDL (good) cholesterol and triglycerides were NOT good.  From what I have learned, it is a complication that is common with Diabetes.  At least the cholesterol is.  But, I have an amazing doctor that thinks outside of the box (or at least I see it that way) and had another plan of attack than going on more medication to fix the cholesterol and triglycerides.

So with that, I have started the journey of the weight loss pill.  No, it is not the magic fix all pill that everyone wants.  This first 4 weeks, I am on a very low dose to see how I tolerate it and make sure that it does not leave me with the jitters.  So far, so good on that front.  I am still required to get my exercise in and journal my food.  So, if you are using MyFitnessPal or a Fitbit, hit me up.  I can always use extra motivation and encouragement.  I go back in for a follow up on September 30th. If all is well, then they will up my dosage and I will continue that for 6 months.

The overall goal of this is to try and spring the weight loss since I have stuck around 183 for awhile now.  Her belief is that as the weight goes, my cholesterol and triglycerides will follow suit.  If that does not happen, it will be time to add a few more pills to the mix.

So while an apple day is not keeping the doctor away, I am fairly healthy and trying to at least stay on top of that which is not healthy.

Same Song, 2nd Versus, A Little Bit Louder,

A Little Bit Worse....

Now that I have that song stuck in your head...you're welcome.

For those that do not know it..."You can't ride my little red wagon, the axle's broken and the wheels are...."

Now the rest of you...YOU are welcome.

Yes as I have said once before, I fail even with the best laid plans.  I was going to blog more, swear...then life happened.  I know I have secret followers out there and I have failed you.  For that I am sorry.  So much has happened that I do not even know where to begin.

In the reality of my life, the phrase "You can't make this shit up" applies so much this year.

And with that teaser...I'll check in with you tomorrow.

Great Power Involves Great Responsibility

They were words spoken by FDR.

They are words that I do not take lightly as I start on my new adventure.  Last night, I was elected the newest member of the Board of Directors of Brookfield Homeowners Association. 

They told me that no one ever wants to be on the 3 person board and I finally stood up as everyone just looked at each other.  I figured, why not?  It cannot be any worse than hosting a tournament of 50+ teams of crazy softball girls and parents for three days.  Or being on the board of directors for Lancaster Youth Softball Association (LYSA).

Of course, as luck would have it, two more people also ran.  One served on the board back when they were still building homes with the builders.  The other had been in the neighborhood since 2003.  Both also had more wisdom on their side in age.  I figured I was home free and no one would vote for me.  Heck...I even debated if I wanted to vote for myself or if I should vote for one of the others. I really felt I shouldn't vote for myself, like in the high school days were you couldn't nominate anyone off of your team.  But, I wanted at least one vote.

Ha!  As fate would have it, I was voted into office.  It was weird, I won.  Maybe if my college days had not been too crazy, maybe I could run for a public office.  Kidding, Kidding!

So, as of today, I have officially become a board member and had to vote to approve a landscape plan for a home owner that included a shed.  I suppose I should dig out those rules and read them.  Clearly I have not followed them as I just planted my plants where ever I saw fit that was both pleasing to the eye and maintained the drainage flow of the yard.

Let the good times begin.  It is a two year term with quarterly meetings and then more done by way of email.

May I always make the right decision.

As for training...after work tonight, it is a cross training day so it is a walk to Walgreen's to pick up my prescription.  A little shy of 3 miles tonight.