Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Smile

is what got me through today. I haven't trained in a week and I knew it was going to kick my butt.

The Smile...it was what Brennan was always known for. He was always smiling. I just don't know if I can ever remember a time when he wasn't smiling. Plus every picture you find of him, he is always smiling, no complaints. Even at the end...he still could be found with a smile on his face. Maybe he knew of a greater place he was going to go, one without pain and where he could run free. Maybe he didn't but at a time when so many of us held back the tears, he could be found in another room smiling and laughing with his cousins. Today, that smile got me through the workout!

I met Runner at spin class and boy did I get my ass kicked! I had never had this teacher before and she kicked our ass and made the legs feel like rubber. Now if you have never been to spin before - just picture a dark room, lots of fast, upbeat music and an instructor that calls you out if you don't up the tension on the bike and are slacking. Just when we finished a hell piece, one didn't think it could get any worse....but it was going to.

The teacher then told us to think about someone that couldn't be there with us today, that couldn't climb the hill with us that we were about to face. We need to push through and do it for them, with them. Brennan and the smile came instantly to my mind. It was like he was at the top of the hill, smiling waiting for me to get there. I had to but most importantly wanted to do it for him, for the bike rides he never got and the mountains he never got to face. I did it!!! Even more than that, I didn't cheat the tension and cranked it up when I was told to crank it up!!!

But, it didn't stop there. Runner said - let's go run for 10 minutes AFTER spin class. I said - heck let's do 15 minutes. Runner kindly gave me the open treadmill (I think that was kind?!) and off I went. I would like to say I did all 15 minutes with no walking but there was walking involved. In the end - I finished 1.25 miles in my 15 minutes. For me - that is good, especially after a 40 minute spin class. I even sprinted the last 30 seconds! My legs felt like rubber but I just kept pushing myself - knowing that Brennan was smiling down on me for doing what I did today.

I needed today! Thanks Brennan! Thanks Runner for pushing me! To the teacher - thanks for kicking my ass! After having a day of doubts - this was the day I needed. I have questioned whether I was insane for trying to tackle an Olympic Triathlon at 35 with two bad knees and already having one back surgery. DC has even questioned if I thought this through and reminded me I am not a 20 something in college anymore. Feeling behind on training didn't help any of these feelings. But after today - it doesn't matter, knowing I have angel wings to help me through - I will finish this! It might not be in record time but I WILL finish what I started!

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