A Crossroads

Well, the 21 day challenge is beginning today. The past few days have been an upside down kind of day and I just couldn't focus on anything, let alone what I was eating, what I was doing with anything.

First off, let me say that I wish I wasn't such a girl and cry when my emotions get the best of me. Boy is that what happened yesterday and I just couldn't shut them off. I still probably could cry about it. Really at the end of the day, it is going to require a decision, a huge decision and I just ask for prayers that, at the end of the day, it is the right decision for me.

I know WTF am I talking about - right.

Well, since I graduated from college in 1997, I have had a job with an Insurance company. Now granted, my job has always evolved and today I am removed from my account degree but I still work for an insurance company. After spending 5 years working in Internal Audit, I transitioned over to the IT world. So for Ameritas, I did a little bit of everything. Troubleshooting computers, working with phone and internet providers, Quality Assurance for a database, working in a contact management system, and the list goes on. I loved what I did, just not the boss I worked for.

Well, transition to my job at NFP. I was hired as an Administrator for our insurance database that allows offices to keep track of their clients, policies, etc. Well, with the recession, my job transitioned to a new department. Instead of being aligned directly with the Insurance Channel, I was moved over to the Technology umbrella. At the end of the day, I was suppose to support the database but was now being required to support about 20 other applications. For the past three years, in this new role, the time that was devoted to the database has become less and less. In a nutshell, every time something came up, the response was J has the bandwidth and the database got shoved a little farther off my table.

This year, my job has just sucked, no sugar coating it. One of the business channels forced their members to use encryption software. Imagine coordinating this new service for 450 offices, which almost all of them have a different email service provider. Sucked. Of course, people are mad about being forced to use it and guess who leads it because they had the bandwidth - yep me. So, now a huge part of my day is spent resetting passwords to open secure emails, opening tickets to determine why an email was caught as Spam, etc. It sucks.

Then, in July, we changed our log in process to be similar to banks, a dual authentication code log in process. Of course, up to this point, we never really enforced if a reps assistant called to reset their reps log in information - now we suddenly are. The people in the field struggle with it and constantly lock themselves out of the password and security questions. And they yell. And they scream. And they hang up. And their mad because they can’t do it for their rep. Guess who also leads this because they have the bandwidth? Yep, me.

So, in four years, I have gone from being a consultant, providing training, working with offices on a database to having my job digress to something I don't need a degree to do and consistently have people yell at me. The light at the end of the table was that at least part of the database was still on my table and there was hope that things would become more involved with it in the next six months. So, yesterday, it was shoved so far that it is just barely clinging to my table.

I spent probably close to an hour and a half in the boss' office on it. Of course, I cried about it, and cried and sniffled some more. It just sucks. The part of my job that I loved best will no doubt fall completely off in the next year. Oh my boss appreciates me and understands that I am capable of much more. But, he doesn't see it changing for what I am doing for the next three months. Then, basically I will get assigned the tasks and jobs he doesn't have time for on a day to day basis. Fanfuckentabulous. So, do I start looking? Do I accept the job for what it is and stick with it and just accept that I am 100% technology? Do I go down kicking & screaming on this database? Am I willing to go back to school so I can understand the technical side of life? Or is this God's way of saying become a teacher? Do I move back to Nebraska because at the end of the day, it was the job that kept me here?

If God could just good just let me see my future in a dream so I know what to do, that would be really great.  So, at this point, I can just ask for Prayers that I make the right choice in the cross-roads.

And so we begin....AGAIN

Well, it was Day 5, 6, & 7 that resulted in a crash.  Of course yesterday wasn't any better and this morning started off just as equally as bad!  So - we begin again - Day 1!

It was and continues to be the food that is the issue.  The money, everything else is going well!  So, starting at 10:25 am, I am making a change for the better of me.

So - my horrible breakfast included my damn three doughnuts and string cheese.  However, that is the end.  The rest of the day will be good and tomorrow is going to be better.  As for exercise - I am going to have to find something different than the Self workout that I have been doing.  Since doing the jumping rope and jumping jacks, my knees have been killing me.  Last night, it took everything I had to just finish the walk.  So, obviously that isn't going to work. 

I'll be back later today for the final update of Day 1.

For the record, since I am putting this all out there, starting weight 187.0.  :(

Day 4....Damn You Doughnuts

Yes, the doughnuts won the battle again.  I woke horrible stuffy and had to stop at the grocery to get something to wipe the sinus headache.  Of course, while I was there - why not get 3 doughtnuts.  Ugggh!  The rest of the day wasn't too bad.  Lunch we ordered from FreeBirds.  Nothing like a freedom salad loaded with Jalepenos to clean out the sinus'.  Supper, it had to be quick so I went with a bowl of cereal.  Not the best choice but it would have to do. 

For exercise I was suppose to do a 30 minute training session on the on demand Fit TV.  Of course, I don't have it, so that was out.  So, instead I did a quick mile and a half walk with the dogs before I headed to softball.  I was wiped when I got home so I need to go back and do the strength training some time this weekend to make that piece up.

Here is my summary for the positive habits:

Eating - Good execept for them pesky doughnuts
Exercise - 1 1/2 miles, and 50 minutes of softball
Cleaning - Did a little vacuuming (can I say I love this thing!) and two loads of laundry
Money - Good, outside of the morning doughtnuts, I paid my $30 for softball and paid some bills.

My other note is that me and my HOA are really going to go to battle.  I got a certified letter because my garbage can was in front of my garage.  What a joke considering the neighbors behind me haven't mowed since I submitted my last complaint.

And yes, to be consistent, I can already tell you, damn you doughnuts.  I threw in the towel and just went for them today with a clean start tomorrow.  :)

Day Three

Well, if I go with the theme from the past two days, the day went well, there is room for improvement but it could of been worse.  But, while I was running, I realized that I am kidding myself.  The tire I carry around my belly, yes that is a direct looks like one of the doughnuts I consume every day.  Guilty as charged.  It probably wouldn't be so bad if it was one, or maybe two, but yes three doughnuts every morning.  So, there you have it.  It is my vice and I guess if I am going to make it a new habit, the doughnuts have to go.  Tomorrow it is.

So today I had my favorite salad...it is so easy and yummy and really not too bad for ya.  I buy the small lettuce bags from HEB.  They are a 1.02 and make either two small salads or a big salad.  So for lunch, I have a big salad.  I then throw in 3 ozs of chicken.  Oscar Meyer has this pre-cooked cold packs that are yummy.  Throw in some blue cheese crumbles, some strawberries and a light balsamic vinegar....tasty.

Exercise for the day, Self day 3.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it could be.  Today it was a 5 minute warm up and a five minute cool down.  In between, it was two minutes running, two minutes walking, repeating 7 times.

Here is my summary for the positive habits:


Eating - Okay but room for improvement
Exercise - 48 minutes, 3 1/2 miles
Cleaning - Cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed and 3 loads laundry
Money - Good, outside of the morning doughtnuts, I picked up salsa and a dessert at the grocery store on the way home.

Now, on to more important things, does someone want two dogs?  They are ready to send me over the edge.

Day two

Well, day two was an okay day.  The eating wasn't perfect but it was better than not trying.  I successfully stayed away from the vending machine (win) and I passed on eating out for lunch (win).  So while the food eating wasn't perfect, it could of been worse.  Exercise for the day was a zero.  It was a Lowe's day which means I have enough time at home between the two jobs to change clothes, grab something to eat and feed the pups.  Of course, another win would probably be that I didn't grab something to eat via the local drive thru which unfortunately has been the norm on Lowe's days. 

Here is my summary for the positive habits:
Eating - Okay but room for improvement
Exercise - Zero  (Lowe's Day)
Cleaning - Zero (Lowe's Day)
Money - Good, earning money at Lowe's and didn't spend any

Now, I hope I have a good report for later today because right now I am exhausted and just want a nap!

My favorite little man

I so luv this little guy and miss him bunches!  It's hard to believe he is the same little guy that I saw in February that wouldn't let me get any sleep his first night home. 

He is always on the move.  He isn't crawling yet, but is close to being on his way.  Right now he is getting up on all fours and rocking. 

Junior is getting closer to being allowed to see his little guy as well and something tells me that these two guys will be in their fair share of trouble together!  Now if the judge just puts CBM (crazy baby mama) in place, these boys can start movin and shakin together.

It takes 21 days to....

Can you complete that sentence?  No? Maybe? It takes 21 days to form a habit.  Today is day one!  So how my eating and exercise got off tracks I really don't know.  In the past two weeks I have accomplished a lot getting better organized around the house but the food and exercise went to make room.  But, it isn't going to be about just the food and exercise.  I have been lazy lately and not been doing what I should be doing.  Church on the weekends, cleaning and everything else.  So, today was day one of putting it all together.  Managing the two jobs.  Having a clean house so it wouldn't be a scramble if unexpected company came. Being in control of my money so I don't have to have the Lowe's job.  Putting my body first so I can shop in my closet by exercising and making healthy food choices. 

Hopefully if all goes well - I'll be able to share my tips and tricks that I learned along the way.  Maybe a new recipe or two. 

Over all, today wasn't too bad.  Eating, well there were a few things that I could of done better but it was day one without the vending machine at work and eating fast food.  Win, win.  Another win was taking the two flights up to my desk.  On the way home I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few staples I was missing, the fruit, the veggies, the things I go through every week.  After a supper of soft tacos with Chicken and salsa it was time to walk the dogs.  We did our two mile walk.  I am not sure how long it took because the pups beg the attention of the neighbor kids so we always have to stop and say hi. 

Then it was home for my workout...day two of Self's Your Weight Minus 8.  Today was 30 minutes of pound zapper and the strength cards.  I don't know what was worse, the pound zapper or the cards.  The pound zapper was 4 minutes of jumping rope, 1 minute of jumping jacks, 1 minute rest, repeat the sequence three more times.  Four minutes is a LONG time to jump rope.  Then the strength cards.  WTF is all I can say.  I think the gym cards are easier than the at home cards.  I mean, do a squat on your tippy toes and then stand up, still on your balls of your feet and push weights over the top of your head.  It was a combination pilates, weights and torture.   Thank god I don't need to think about that for another three days!

So that was day one...time for a shower and early to bed...I'm exhausted!