Friday, January 27, 2012

More Changes

You know, I think I am tired of changes and challenges.  Can I just have normal for awhile?  Of course, when I look at some of the things that my friends are going through, my changes don't seem that bad. 

So what am I talking about you ask?  Well back in October I went to the doctor to go through my test results in which my blood sugar was higher than what it should be.  Well, after 3 months of exercising and trying to lose weight, it was time to go back to the doctor on Monday.

After going through the generals, the first thing they did was a finger prick to check my blood sugar level.  Now, keep in mind I was fasting but they kept asking me if I had been fasting.  I knew that wasn't good, so I fired of a text to my mom to see what her's normally was since she is diabetic.  She responded that it was at it's highest 113 but usually lower than that.  Well, my number read 115.  Uggh!

So, after confirming once again that I was fasting, they did the big needle blood draw to check my A1C.  Now, this number measures your blood sugar level over a 3 month period.  My first number was 5.7.  My understanding is that a normal person usually averages 5.5, but the number should fall within in 4 and 5.9.  So, I wasn't terrible the first time.  However, yesterday I got the call that my number was 6.0 this time.  So, it was high.  I secretly think it was my mom's Christmas goodies that threw my numbers off.

But, in any event, I am now labeled as Pre-Diabetic.  Given my family's history for it with my Grandma, Mom, Uncle and little brother all having it, they are not treating this diagnosis lightly.  Especially since all of my numbers have gone up in three months and not down. 

Definitely will have a lot of learning to do in the next few weeks and months in regards to what I can and cannot do.  I will have to take classes to learn about things, meet with a dietician and learn to take my blood sugar levels on a daily basis.  CHANGE...uggh!  Of course, it also means that I am learning to navigate my insurance and what will be covered, won't be covered, etc. 

On the bright side, I do have a very supportive partner in all of this.  NoDIY is on board and wants to know what he can do to help and what he needs to do different on the nights that he cooks.  (Have I mentioned I am spoiled?)  We have also set some goals as far as weight loss goes so that will also be nice to have that support in the house.  I think that I am doing really well from an exercise stand point in that I run 3 times a week and those run/walks are now up to 4.5 miles in an hour.  Not land record speed but I am getting it done.  Then, on the nights that I don't run, the dogs get a 2 mile walk.  Now we just need to learn the food piece and need to lose some weight to get things going in the right direction.

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Diving Board

I remember as a child that first time on the diving board.  You know that there was always someone there in the deep there to catch you.  You knew that had been thru swimming lessons and you could do this.  You talk yourself through can do it.

But then you get on the diving board and walk out to the edge and look down and doubt starts to creep in.  Can I do this?  What happens if I go all the way to the bottom?  What happens if they forget to help me?  You finally decide to plug your nose and make that leap of faith. Then after you hit the water, there is that 5 seconds of panic in life where you are doing everything possible just to get back to the top of the water, hoping it wasn't a mistake to jump and then just to find that point where you feel safe again.  Tuesday night was just that for me, standing on the edge of the diving board, so afraid to make that leap but at the same time, so excited about what was ahead. 

Ever since the Ex, I have always been guarded about putting myself out there.  In 3 1/2 years, I have never felt safe enough, comfortable enough to make that jump.  Sure there have been boyfriends along the way but they were never close relationships and tended to fizzle out over time.  I know the Ex was a one of a kind and there are so many good guys out there, I have met some of them.  But there is also that moment where you have to jump off the end of the board to make that next step or turn around and walk off the way you came on.

As most know, NoDIY moved in the first part of December so this relationship has been far from a normal route.  He had a very bad living situation that continued to go south and we decided he would move in until he could find another place to go.  In essence, he was staying there anyway, we just made it more than an overnight bag.  I think this was really my first jump off the diving board and a scary moment for me.  My mom will attest to the phone call I made that night realizing that it had just become a lot more permanent and he brought more things for this "temporary" situation than I could have ever imagined.  Well mom talked me through that night, I made the jump and life has been good since then.  I surfaced just like you expect yourself too and life went on.

Well, this past weekend, I was suffering major rounds of PMS.  More so than normal, especially since the doctor has had me on these birth control pills with higher doses of hormones to deal with the other female issues.  It was funny because I knew it was happening, I could feel myself just letting dumb stuff bother me and in turn taking it all out on NoDIY.  I would say that Friday night/Saturday morning was our first official fight but he informs me he didn't see it as a fight.  So, we at least have that track record going. 

It didn't matter what I did, it didn't matter how many miles I walked with the dogs or how many runs I went on, I couldn't get my mind to shut off.  Monday, I was off for the holiday and NoDIY was home and he knew things were still bothering me.  I just told him I didn't want to talk about it, then I spouted something about how it was an essence his fault and took off out the door for a run.  Even running, I felt the tears and just fighting with myself about how miserable I was in the relationship, blah, blah, blah and keep in mind we have never had a fight.  At the same time, I knew what was wrong and what I had to do to fix it but I just couldn't, it was easier to blame PMS, it would go away and it was easier to blame him.

Well Tuesday night he went out for a drink with one of his buddies and when he came home, we started talking.  It was then that I realized that I was standing on the diving board.  I couldn't take the easy way out of past relationships because this guy lived in my house, it wouldn't be easy and I couldn't go on doing what I was doing to either one of us.  It was at that moment that I realized somewhere along the way, I let my heart go and had fallen for him.  So, I had to make that choice at the edge of the board of do I tell him or do I take the hard way out?  Well, I made that jump and told him that I had fallen in love with him.  Of course, I still  had my 30 seconds of panic trying to come up for air only to realize it is all going to be okay, he feels the same and has felt more at home than he has in years.

As hard as it has been to make that jump, I can trust my heart is in good hands.  Of course, the rest of the week has been smooth sailing and think the past weekend would have been a lot different if I would of made the leap early.

Life can have it's scary moments for us and while we are faced with that choice at the end of the diving board to jump or not, as scary as it can be, the reward is always worth the risk.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Reality Check

Why is it that for some friends, we wait until Christmas and the Holiday's to catch up?  Why is it that we are lazy and send out these mass letters to family and friends telling them, hey this is what is up?  Why don't we check in more often? 

Wow I am so ever guilty of this.  I know, I have this blog and for some, if they choose not to catch up here, too bad, so sad.  I won't even get into how I am so terrible I even had a card come back because I never updated an address, heaven knows how long ago they moved!  I probably should post my Christmas letter here just for the few that may never have received it!  I know I was a terrible friends to my friends in Austin.  :(

But, sometimes you get those letters back and just are in awe and feel like the worst friend ever!  It reminds you of how precious life is and how important some things really are!  So, while I know that most of my goals are lined out for the New Year, this one is getting added to the floater list - be in my friends lives' for 2012 - call them, write them, be there!  I might just need a tab so I can go back and make my quick reference for 2012 resolutions!

Where am I going with all this?  Well, obviously I haven't been the best about keeping up with everyone or seeing everyone when I come back for visits!  Sometimes it is just hard.  But, nothing prepared me for the letter I received from my friend MoMo and I date back to my first "real" job after college.  It is impossible to imagine that we have known each other as long as we have.  I mean, it seems like just yesterday.  I can remember the day that she went into labor with her first child and for whatever reason, I even managed to get the time of birth right in the office pool - weird fact I know.  That "baby" is now 13.  It doesn't seem possible.

Mo is just a year older than me and went in for her first mammogram at age 36 just because of some family history.  I do not know if it was in relationship to breast cancer or another type, but right away they found a spot of "interest".  One year later, after monitoring, she was diagnosed with  DCIS, ductal carcinoma in situ.  As Mo shared in the letter, she never found a lump and it is hard to say how her story would of ended up if she waited until she was 40 to have that first mammogram. 

I have been catching up with her carepage and reading all she has been through.  I can only imagine how tough things have been but at the same time know some of the day to day struggles a cancer patient goes through sitting beside my friend Little Hammer and watching her battle Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Being a crier, the tears came when I saw the picture of Mo's long, beautiful hair gone and her comparing herself to her husband and who looks better bald.  Such a great spirit and great person, I love you Mo.  I haven't finished reading all of her entries but so far, everything seems to being going as well as one could expect.

The reality check in all of this is, have you had a Mammogram?  I know a lot of you are my age and haven't hit that 40 yet.  I know my doctor's office had me do a baseline at 35 so I have had the initial one.  However, with this gut check, I have made some calls to my insurance company.  When I had the initial one, my tech told me to check with my insurance company because some companies will cover the mammogram every year and not require you to wait until you were 40.  I thought it was silly and not needed but needless to say I made that call now!  My insurance company will cover it and you can bet that I will be scheduling that mammogram with my well woman check later this year! 

I ask that you include Mo and her family in your prayers tonight that God continues to provide healing and strength in the coming days and months as she finishes her chemotherapy and transitions through raditaion!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Well, I suppose that is what we will call it. 

Tuesday nights are my Weight Watchers meeting nights.  First off, let me just say that I hate the time of the meeting, it is at 6 pm.  However, for all other reasons, I continue to go to this time because I love, LUV, love the leader and I am privileged enough to go to one of the new state of the art meeting centers.  The center is new and most of the information is done on a power point presentation.  The leader, well she is an older lady and just cracks me up.  The leader is new for this time slot and I probably would have changed had she not come into it.  The group is awesome and just feeds off of her energy.

So this week I was down 0.5 lbs.  Not what I would of liked to seen but it is a step in the right direction.  I'll update my chart so it shows my progress for 2012.  Keeping the faith that I can do this!

For this coming week I have two goals - tracking my food, good, bad and the ugly, no matter how many points.  I am also shooting for 5,000 steps in a day.  Now, this might not seem like a lot but it really is.  I knew that my desk job meant I didn't move much.  However, the first day with it on, just doing what I was doing, I had only logged 1,500 steps during the course of work.  I am not sure I could walk enough at the end of the night to get 10,000 steps.  So, we are shooting for 5,000 and hoping to work up to 10,000 steps every day!

Have a great day!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A New Year

Which can only mean new resolutions. 

I know, I am a week in already.  But that doesn't mean that the resolutions haven't been on my mind, made or even been in action because they have.  What I really haven't done is sit down and look at last year's goals and how I finished them. 

So, here are things for this year.  Specifically they are broken into two parts with a floater to start with.  :)

The Floater - this is the easy one, or at least you would think so.  This one just requires me to complete something off of my to do list every day!  I have a notebook that I keep in my purse that has everything that I want to accomplish in a week and then some.  It can be anything from running on x days, walking the dogs to cleaning a toilet to writing a thank you.  So, to make my list shorter in the long run, my goal is to complete one or two things on that list every day!  Easy enough.

Financial Goals for 2012:
1.  Pay off remaining to debts
2.  Maintain $1,000 in an emergency fund
3.  Pay off 75% of my car
4.  Make payments on my student loan

Healthy Goals for 2012:
1.  Lose 20 lbs (more would be nice!)
2.  Exercise 5 days a week for an hour
3.  Do 3 races this year, whether they are running, biking or both
4.  Each healthy!

So, while the goals do appear "easy", they are going to require work and focus on my part to achieve!  However, I am NOT scared.  Bring on 2012 baby!