Views on drugs? Never tried any, I have been around them but I know they are not for me. I have seen the impact that they have had on different individuals lives and nothing good has ever come from it! Now that said, there definitely has been some of those "prescribed" drugs in my past with all the knee surgeries and back surgery. Honestly, after taking some of those, I get why people can get hooked. I think the best one I had was one I had after my back surgery. I felt no pain and really probably one would describe it as a "high" feeling. But, as the recoveries progressed, those drugs disappeared from my life.
Views on alcohol? Wow, it isn't until you stop and think about alcohol, the role it has played in your life that one wonders, is it really worth it? I grew up around alcohol. My dad's side of the family it was part of every family function. My mom's side, not so much. It was ground breaking news when my maternal grandma started putting beer in the fridge for my dad, where as my other grandma had a glass of wine every day. I honestly don't think any one of us cousins on my father's side made it to 18 before we had our first taste of alcohol. Heck, we might not of made it out of diapers before we had our first taste, it is cute you know to see that terrible face a baby makes when they have beer on their lips. Of course, I see what that life can bring to a family because of being on the outside looking in. Alcoholism existed in that family and still does. My dad, fortunately hardly drinks any more. But, when he does he thinks that he can hang like he did in the day or with the young ones and we are left with the wrath of his mood the next day.
As for me, alcohol is still there and while I do still enjoy it, I rarely drink it, especially to the extent I use to. In reality, if you look at the most devastating points in my life, alcohol was there front and center. There was college, when I lost my virginity to a sexual assault. Would I have made the choices that night that I did had I been drinking? No, probably not. Can I change that? Nope.
Then there was the Ex. I lived with the devastating effects of alcohol addiction every day. While he was not the typical alcoholic that drank every day, he was one none the less and when it was in his cycle of drinking, look out. I thought I could live with it, manage it and change him. But in reality, it was me that needed to change and leave my life dependent upon it. The last day we were together, I came back to my apartment to find him there and passed out. I must have surprised him but I took a beating of a lifetime that day. I remember having blood and not know where it was coming from and the scrapes on the way. Ultimately it was just scratches that would heal, bumps and bruises that felt like you had been in a car wreck but a lot of damage was done on the inside.
Today, those days with him still shape my life. It always will. If I could go back and change it, I would, but I can't. I just know that at the end of the day I never wanted my parents to get that devastating call that I was severely hurt or worse, dead. If I stayed, it would have happened. Even sadder is that he never remembered any of it.
So today, I would say I am cautious with alcohol. If you want me to pound drinks with you and try to force me into it, it won't happen. I have to feel 100% trust in the situation that I am, the people that I am with to drink to the point of being intoxicated. I will enjoy a drink or two with you but heading out on the town and pounding drinks until no tomorrow, probably isn't in my future. So, if I decline an invitation to go out, don't be sad or take it personally, I do want to spend time with you! However, given my past, that type of night isn't one that I would enjoy. If I do go, know that I go with a 100% trust in my heart that you will protect me and I pray you don't let me down!
Cheers to you!
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