30 Days of Blogging - Day 8

Day 8 - Short term goals for this month and why

Well, if I do short term goals for December, it has to be the shortest term EVER.  So with that said - I think that I will go with my short term goals for the rest of December & January.  Now with that said, these are my goals for that period.  They are meant to help me tackle my New Year's Resolutions for 2011.  Yes, I have even put thought into those already.

So, for the rest of December & January - the focus is on me.  Making myself the top priority.  Now how am I going to do that? First and foremost is exercise!  Now that I am finally feeling better, I have started the Couch to 5k program again.  One week down and ready to look at Week 2 tomorrow.  In addition, I am also working through the 200 Situps and 100 Pushups apps.  Both begin Week 2 tomorrow.  I am putting my best steps forward to a slimmer, trimmer me.  Plus, on the days that I am not running and don't have to work at Lowe's, the dogs are going to be blessed with at least a two mile walk.  :)  So, I will be making sure I am logging at least 30 minutes of running/walking five days a week.  Eating has been healthier these days and that is a goal for January too - smart choices! 

The final plan which is probably going to be the biggest challenge for me is sticking to my budget.  Funny how that goes.  In any event, in my master plan, if I stick to it and end up with my best case scenario....I could have half of my debt paid of in 2011, including my car!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 7

Day 7 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

I think that it is safe to say that my mom has had the biggest impact on me.  Both of my parents have but some days those long distance calls are easier with my mom.  If you have every talked to my dad on the phone, you'll understand.

Of the years of my life, there are probably only a couple I wish I could have back.  Obviously my teenage years were one.  It wasn't until I was the high school/teenage coach and being the mediator for the girls did I understand what I put my mom through.  Then there were the few years I was blinded by a certain boy.  In the end, it didn't hurt my mom and I's relationship but there were those years that I missed talking to her, gaining advise and wisdom from her that I can't get back.  Of course, in the end when I was seeing clearly, I learned that she had my best interest at heart and my family just could see what was best for me and unfortunately I did not.

She is my BFF.  I talk to her every day on my way home from work, without fail.  Some days it is just a two minute call to say hi, other days it is a 30 or 45 minute call.  We can talk about everything from how the day is going to some of my biggest problems.  Whenever we have the chance to see each other in person, it feels like a blessing since 800 miles separate us today.  Of course, the goodbye and going home is always the hardiest on us and definitely results in tears being shed, however, as Grandma Schmidt would say, it isn't goodbye, it is see you soon!  Love you Mom!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 6

Day 6 - Your favorite Superhero and why.

Hmmm, this is a tough one.  I don't see myself as having a favorite superhero. However, that being said, it is pretty clear from family photos past, that Wonder Woman was my hero of choice.  Why, I don't know.  Maybe it was the strength and poise she portrayed on tv during a time when woman were just starting to emerge as leaders.  Who knows.

But, I do say that I would like to go back to a time when I was as active as I was in this picture.  I was always running, playing and enjoying life.  You can tell it in my size.  I would love to go back to that shape.  No, I don't want to weigh what I did in that picture, but I would love to have the shape and curves I do here.

30 Days of Blogging - Day 5

Day 5 - A picture of somewhere you've been.

This was a no brainer for me.  The picture to the right is from Jamica.  It was taken from the cruise the family took early in the year.  We spent the day on a private beach where you could read, play sand volleyball, drink, swim, snorkel, everything! 

It was the peace of the beach that I loved the best.  You could sit there and read a book, doing nothing and it was okay!  The water was just this amazing blue that the picture doesn't even do justice for. 

If I could just be lazy for a week and go anywhere, I would go to a beautiful beach such as this and just sit there and read my book and enjoy the beauty God has give us!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 4

Day 4 - A habit that you wish you didn't have.
 
Wow.  Which habit do I have that isn't bad?  But then again, if it is so bad, why do I still do it, why don't I change it?  What part of change is so scary that one allows themself to continue with a bad habit?  Why can I admit that it is a bad habit, but then do nothing to change it?  Maybe it is the procrastination habit that leads them all.  But at the end of the day, it is my weight that bothers me most and sinks my spirit the most, so lets go with that. 
 
I am an emotional eater.  No doubt about it.  It is my comfort when I am lonely.  It is my thing when I am bored.  It is my fix for my sad days.  It is there to celebrate.  Honestly, it is just always there and I don't want to blame my family, but I think a lot starts there.  I come from that large extended family that does not know how to gather without food and none of it is healthy.  Family gatherings are all day grazing events.  So, now that I admit that is bad habit number one, I need to work on changing that and finding other ways to recognize periods in my life.

30 Days of Blogging - Day 3

Day 3 -A picture of you and your friends.

As I am sure that all of you won't mind of posting some old photos with new photos. 

This first picture is from my crazy days of the 20s and 30s.  This picture was take seven years ago and is on the beaches of Hawaii.  Yes, five single girls took on Hawaii.  It wasn't my "skinniest" time, but I was in pretty good shape and had the confidence to wear a two piece back then!  If I could only get back to that weight! 

Now, for some of my now friends.  I say they are now friends because realize it or not, they have been there for me through some of the most difficult days of my life and are still here today!

The first is DC.  She and I met a zillion years ago on a weight loss board.  Honestly have no idea what the name of the group is.  We have only been able to hang a few times in person with her being in DC, but we talk almost daily!  We have definitely had some crazy, crazy conversations over the years and have battled this weight together.  Up for Twinkie's anyone?  (Only DC will understand that one!

The last picture I want to share is with Runner.  Ironically we met on the Weight Watcher's board.  She was on the Austin group with me and by the time we decided to meet it, we found out that our offices were right by each other!  The bad news, it was my last week at that job.  But, Runner was my first friend in Austin and she amazes me!  She wa a rock for me during some of my lowest points here in Austin and let me just be me when I needed it the most!  I love her for that!  When I was training to do the Cap Tex Triathlon, she was a faithful riding partner!  It was during those rides, I talked her into doing a Triathlon and this picture was from her first one, the Couple's Tri!  Today, she runs circles around me, training and doing so many Triathlons it makes my head spin.  I idol her abilities and she plain ROCKS!  Once I can kick this part-time job to the curb, I hope that I can join her in a few more Tri's!  I love that we can have a great time together and the best part of the friendship is that we can get in a sold 15 mile bike ride and catch up!

I have had so many friends that have been my rock when I needed it, dating all the way back to High School.  Sadly - I don't have any pictures of them, funny how I avoid the camera but don't mind taking pictures of others!  They know who they are and I appreciate all the love and support they have given me over the years!

30 Days of Blogging - Day 2

Day 2 - The meaning behind your blog name.

Is the glass really half full?
 
You know, I am not really sure how I came up with that name.  A lot has to do with my mentality.  I have been through some serious bumps in life.  Most would just curl up in a corner and be done, but I have pushed through them.  I like to believe that on most days, my glass is half full, or at least time for a beer run.  :)  
 
That said, there are those days that my glass is half empty or it feels like it.  I have my home sick days.  I have those days that I just really feel down.  I do have those days where I want to give up and just curl up in that corner.  But, I don't.  Or if I do, I don't allow the pitty party to continue on that long.  At the end of the day, no one wants to hear a constant sob story. 
 
So - the glass is really half full for me, or is it?

30 Days of Blogging - Day 1

Day 1- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

This is a picture from a company gathering in early November.  I absolutely hate it from the standpoint that I made me realize how round my face has become and how out of shape I have allowed myself to become.

1. I was born in Monroe, Nebraska and the first place I visited after leaving the hospital was a bar.

2. I love to play softball (obvious) but I love the peace that comes with going on a walk/run with the pups.
3. I am secretly addicted Young & the Restless.
4. Hearing of family gatherings back home makes me home sick and want to move back home.
5. I have a horrible fear that I will never know personally the joys of parenthood.
6. I fear that my Mr. Right will never find me.
7. I have been told by the younger guys at my part-time job that I am a MILF without the kids. Not sure if that is good or bad.
8. I project a bitch mode when I am stressed. When I have a lot to do, just tell me what you want from me with as little words as possible.
9. I miss my grandparents very, very much. I miss hearing my grandma's laughter and my grandpa's stubborn ways.
10. I cannot tell you how Santa Claus managed to deliver our presents on Christmas Eve to my grandparents farm. He even came when I was almost 30 and my brother's and I have never resolved the mystery.
11. I hate people that complain that they don't have money but then find money for booze, fake nails and all the other superficial stuff.
12. I learned that when things get so unbearable and life throws me huge curves, I have some AMAZING friends that would drop everything and fly to be at my side in a second.
13. I have learned that I am a survivor. Sometimes when I get down, I turn back in a victim role but in the end - I am survivor and they will not get the best of me.
14. I'm in the process of purging my life of Clutter. Trying to get rid of everything that I don't need and use.  It is hard to let go!
15. When I am bored, I eat. Hence why I am back doing Weight Watchers. Mindless snacking. I don't need to be hungry and then wonder why I feel so miserable afterwards.

Whiney

Yes, the phrase "Do you want some cheese to go with that whine?", that phrase belongs to me! I am now on day 14 of this crap that has invaded my body and refuses to leave. I have no idea what I have, my doctors have no idea what I have, nothing over the counter works, and it doesn't feel as if the antibotics and prescription cough medicine are helping.

It started on Thanksgiving day with the family here. I just felt crummy. Nothing really notable, just crummy and a little runny nose. I had a low grade fever - 99 - which normally I am 97.7. But that was it. It it just keeps continuing. The runny nose, the cough, the body aches, the sheer exhaustion - 14 days - I have had ENOUGH already! The doctor asked if I felt any better or if it was getting worse. I just said it doesn't feel like it is getting any worse but it doesn't feel like it is getting any better.

Of course, the icing on the cake was last night when I was talking to my mom on the phone. Love her to death but I could tell she wasn't hearing what I was saying and wasn't answering my question. So, I said something to her and she was just like - I can't really understand you with your voice like it is, it is really hard to hear and understand you. Haha. It is a summary of my 14 days.

I really hope that whatever I have runs its course and gets out of town. I am over it. It is the holiday season and I can't even say that I have put up my Christmas decorations. I think I might just have to force myself to do it tonight. :(

Can't and The Misfits

As a softball coach, Can't was just a word I hated. To me, the girls had already mentally given up on something. I never was blessed with the best athletes out there. But I was blessed with great girls that had potential, were willing to work to get better, worked great as a team and had some of the best parents out there. The best team I ever had was the years of The Misfits. In a normal year, our club ball selections were done in August of the prior year. I thought the team was set and then do to a million reasons, I was suddenly left with 4 or 5 girls and not enough players for a team. It was winter in Nebraska, so having another tryout just wasn't going to be on the table. One family refused to see the situation for what it was and informed me there will be a team. And a team we had, the team of Misfits. It was a merger of two teams that didn't have enough players, it was players that were looking for a team, it was players that just didn't know they wanted to play that much. The Misfits worked hard and came together as a group. They might not have all been friends in a normal day to day basis but at the end of the day, they were teammates on the field. The team that was least expected to do well finished tied for 15th place in the Class B National Tournament that year all because Can't wasn't an option.

I know and accept I probably wasn't the easiest coach to have. I was hard on the girls and pushed each one to their break point. We had the girly girls, the tomboys, the athletes, the social players, we had them all. But at the end of day, they were all treated to the same and held to the same expectations. Softball was just a game and the practices and games that came with it were the lessons of life. You can't be late every day to your job and not expect consequences, softball was no different. Can't was not going to be an option in their life.

To a certain extent, I have kept in touch with a lot of players that I have coached in life. I have seen them graduate high school, graduate college, get married, have babies of their own, etc, almost as a proud parent. However, I really never knew the impact I had in their life until that silly number game on Facebook. The number game was easy, you sent the person a number and then that person updated their status on what their thoughts of that person were.

I sent Hollywood a message just for fun to see what she had to say. I call her Hollywood because she was my girly girl on the softball field. I think she is the only player I have had that had a serious gift for making a black eye disappear with a touch of makeup. She made the choice not play softball in High School but stuck with club team. To the outside world, she was such a girly girl but to our team, she was the competitor, she hated losing and did everything in her will power to try and play softball at Nationals when she was really sick. She has a great family and is a beautiful person in and out. The following is what she had to say....

#13 I CANNOT EXPRESS IN WORDS HOW MUCH YOU HAVE INFLUENCED ME THROUGH MY LIFE. THERE ARE TIMES STILL TO THIS DAY THAT I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD. TELLING ME TO ELIMINATE 'CAN'T' FROM MY VOCABULARY AND THAT MY MENTAL STRENGTH CAN GET ME THROUGH PHYSICAL PAIN. I STILL REMEMBER YOU YELLING THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER CAN RUN FASTER! :D #13 continued YOU PUSHED ME TO BECOME A BETTER ATHLETE BUT IT CHANGED MY LIFE IN SO MANY AMAZING WAYS. I WISH THAT I WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW THEN ABOUT HOW MUCH BETTER OF A PERSON I WOULD BE IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE OF YOUR LEADERSHIP. I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON BECAUSE I AM SO GRATEFUL....I'M SORRY, BUT I AM REVEALING YOU xxx. THANK YOU!

Honestly I had never expected the answer in a million years nor would ever feel that I had to be the first person to admit that I forgot my own speeches and have not been listening to my own advice. Can't...how many times have I used that world in my life in Texas, too many to even admit.

Can't is a word that can hinder a weight loss plan. It is an easy word to just to get out of workouts - I can't today - just don't have time. I have definitely allowed it to hinder mine. Can't is a word so easy to use, so easy to define your mental attitude towards something and so easy to be the excuse out. Yesterday's post was an eye opener for me. It helped me realize how much I was depending on that word. While I recognize that today hasn't the best start to my eating, I can change the way I finish my day with food and exercise. I can walk, I can make healthy food choices and I can kick Can't to the curb!

In the spirit of Hollywood, goodbye Can't, hello Can!! Are you willing to celebrate Can?

Rant like no other!

OMG - I am so mad right now, I am spewing fire. Allow me to provide some background. My mom works in a small shop in which there are just two woman that work in there. My mom choose to do WW meetings because she wants the personal interaction with a leader and wants to hear for other people. She needs to the human interaction factor. Now her coworker, she chooses to do things online, has never been to a WW meeting nor has she ever had a leader see her in person. She has lost a HUGE amount of weight on the plan and looks terrible. I have seen pictures and she has lost too much weight. She thinks 100 lbs of weight is healthy on a person her height. Now, that said, I have been a follower of her blog on WW and this morning - I am spitting fire, what she has to say is below and it is taking every ounce of me NOT to comment on her blog because everyone is bashing my mom for what she has to say.

Yesterday at work I was having a pleasant conversation with my co-worker (female) about the new program. She chose to loose 10% of her wgt. and get her "Lifetime" several months ago.

She asked what I am doing online. And as I was trying to cheerfully explain how wonderful this community is, and all the friends I have made. I was cut off by,"I prefer to go to a meeting & interact with REAL people" Ouch..

All week I have been thrown comments like, "You are not eating enough"....29 pts a day after living on 18...no way I am not eating enough. Plus she has no idea what I eat.

"You are too skinny" OK everyone has an opinion. But I have my Dr.s OK to go for the 100 lb. star.

"How's your insomnia?"....I wouldn't call it insomnia, I get 8 hrs of sleep a night. But I choose to go to bed early & get up early. Why is that wrong? There is no one here to talk to, I am not big on TV. I make my dinner - clean up, do a couple of routine chores. Come here to read how everyone is doing and to learn more on the site. Then I go to bed, maybe read a book. Yes, it is about 7:30 pm, I fall asleep about 8:00 pm.
Wake up a little before 4:00 am get ready and go to work. I have my coffee & eat my breakfast at work, alone - just like I would be at home. The heat is shut off at night, the building takes time to warm up. I clock in at 6:00 am, before that I check in here, or sometimes work on my own sewing project.

Therefore, "I am not normal"

I am not a fighter, it's just not worth it to me. After so many zings this week, I just need to whine.....

I like to interact with people & friends as much as the next guy. I'll be the 1st to admit I am lonely. But my friends have their families & meals to get in the evening hours. Because my DH is at work I end up odd man out.

I was even told once that she had the REAL type 2 diabetes & I did not. Excuse me? I admit she has more trouble with stabilizing her sugars than I do. But why is mine not real?

Thank you for listening, I am done. It's a new morning - I'm done working for the week. So I will re- focus on the more pleasant things in my life.

Like WI tomorrow, hoping.

My kids will be here in 7 days! I am in "crazy mode" to get all the things done - that I think are important. Poor DH will have to live with a mad woman all weekend as I cook & clean.

Still soda free!
Have a great Friday!
Later.

I'm back in College

So, on Wednesday last week, I finally went out with Bargain Betty. Unfortunately I learned over the weekend that even though he is 39, he acts like he is still in college. Apparently after meeting, he feels that it is necessary to call me at 2:30 am on Friday night. For good measure, even though we didn't talk at all on Saturday, at 2:36 am, he called again. WTF dude. I think that DC will want to rename him to Horney Bargain Betty.

Of course, I was completely irritated because he KNOWS that I work at Lowe's on the weekends and he KNOWS that I open. So, I find it completely rude that he calls at 2:30 in the morning. Of course, in true guy fashion, he could not figure out for the life of it why I was upset. I mean really? Finally, I just told him it was an issue of RESPECT. You don't call, text or do any of that nonsense for someone that you are interested in dating. Maybe I'm back at the drawing board.

Then there was Friday night. Friday night I went out with a new guy. Yes, I robbed the craddle. I met up with a 31 year old. I had a really nice time. We just hung out and talked. All I know is that time flew and next thing I knew it was 1:30. We didn't meet until after I got off at Lowe's so it wasn't something that started at 5. But, a nice time was had and hopefully I will see him again. Of course, I will have to wait until DC to name him. :)

Dear God

Shoot me now.

I am sitting in a Access 2007 Intermediate class today. I honestly think that I have slept through half the class. I feel like crap so it really doesn't help the boredom factor.

So in the first four hours of the class, we covered how to create a database and add tables to it. Honestly, WTF? I mean if that is the first four hours of Intermediate, what do they cover in the beginner class?

Since lunch, we have learned about relationships and joining tables. Oh wait, at 3 pm I finally learned something new. Dear God, shoot me now.

It only took 6 months

Yep, that is how long it took to meet one of the guys. You can see references to him here: Is the glass really half full?: A whole lot of.... or here Is the glass really half full?: Date like a man.... Needless to say, we haven't gotten very far as meeting. That being said, I still talk to him almost daily. Every morning he calls on his way into work, before 7 am. Yes, me the non-morning person, actually talks to someone on the phone before I have a Diet Coke in me. That there should say enough.

For the sake of simple, we met up at Chili's. Let's just say that I will refer to him as Bargain Betty. (DC hasn't had an input on this but she will probably agree, if now we rename.) In any event, apparently Chili's has a "Happy Hour" until 6. Since I wasn't going to get there before six, he went ahead and ordered two of the appetizers because they were almost half off and it would be scandalous to pay full price. I might have my work cut out for me.

Overall, I had a nice time. He was what his pictures showed; he wasn’t another 100 pounds more than the pictures he shared and was really nice. I can see a date two in the picture, so we will see.

Other than that, not a lot else to report. Currently in countdown mode until the football party arrives. In exactly one week – I will be on a 8 day vacation! Whoop!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

Do you ever wonder where time goes?  I am really beginning to wonder this sometimes.  Maybe that is why I feel scatter-brained - I am losing track of time and things.  Maybe I really am being abducted by ailens and I just don't know it.  Just Kidding.

So two weeks have gone by.  Well, let's see work - well it is there.  I still haven't made any decisions on what to do for my job.  So, I am learning to tell people nicely that I am willing to assist them and not interested in listening to them bitch.  (Maybe that is the glass half full coming through?)  I just don't think year end is the time to look for a job so we will see what happens after the first of the year.  Lowe's well it is there, kind of.  Honestly I have only worked two days out of the past two weeks and I am really okay with that.  I took a weekend off in the event we would of road tripped to Nebraska for the Texas game, which I am thankful we didn't.  Then this past weekend Big Country and his family came for a stay.  I think that I was running so much I didn't realize I was even off from there.

Big Country's visit was fabulous and I think they really had a nice time.  They got to my house pretty late on Friday so we just stayed up chatting until 1ish which is late for me.  Of course, being kids, I was greated with an "Aunt Jenn" way early in the morning (before 8) and wasn't prepared for it.  The same happened the next day in that they wanted me to walk the dogs....ugh no.  I gave them the scenic drive down Capital of Texas, headed to the original Salt Lick, took in the outlet mall, a few beers at Doc's on South Congress, saw the bats take flight and dinner at the Hula Hut.  Folks - that was all on Saturday...no wonder why I was tuckered out on Sunday!

As for the positive habits, yesterday was a good day.  It was Day one of change.  It was also a reminder of how I need to slow down and pay attention to the little details too!

Here is my summary for the positive habits:

Starting Weight (10/25):  187.7
Eating - Great.  Day 3 of no doughnuts!  Whoop!  I even had Multi-grain Cheerios and journaled EVERYTHING!  I went over in points but it is so much better than where I had been!
Exercise - 2 miles - 30 minutes.  It doesn't sound great but I was walking Guinness and she is the two poops on a walk kind of dog and you have to find "the spot" and circle a few times.  Plus some of the kids out on bikes had to say hi.
Cleaning - Does watering the lawn count?  Heaven knows I need either the rain gods to show or the money gods to show for underground sprinklers. 
Money - Okay.  I did splurge for Wing Stop but it was within my $ and I did journal it in my food.  Plus, I was able to avoid a crisis this morning discovered last night.  It is the little details.  I had thought I mailed my water bill in but then recieved the letter they hadn't received it and then forgot about it.  I remember last night before bed.  The deadline - 5 pm yesterday.  I have the worst water company in the world in that if you are 15 days late with payment - they shut your water off.  I have no idea why a deposit was required because it does nothing.  You can't pay by phone, or by the internet so I was just screwed, or so I thought.  So, after a few calls, I was able to get a hold of someone normal and they took my payment for last month and the bill I just received and helped me set up auto pay from my checking so I am good until December when the auto pay kicks in!  No more panicing on this every again.  Amen! 

So that being said, Day 2 of 21 days to a habit is off to a good start!  Both money & food wise!  Check back tomorrow for more.  :)

A new day, a new week, a new start

Wow - what a week.  It definitely has had its highs and lows but as always, I trudge through. 

So work, what do I say - the problem is still there and nothing really has changed.  But what I do about it, well the jury is still out on it.  Its a catch 22, do you look for the job and find the job that the grass is greener on the other side?  Or do you keep going and hope things get better.  Right now I have a great boss that is supportive of things and pretty much allows you to come and go as you need.  But would a new job have that same luxury?  Is it worth that chance?  Plus, in January I get that extra week of vacation.  Is it worth starting over there again?  Definitely not a decision that will be made any time soon.  I mean, let's be real, my resume is still from when I got the job in 2007, so some work would need to be done. I keep on, keepin on.

As for the 21 day challenge, well I needed to get my mind right.  Last week just wasn't it.  This week is better and I think I am ready to make that commitment tomorrow.  But, that doesn't mean that I have gone hog wild on food or anything like that.  I have been good about things.  Plus, Monday & Wednesday I stopped at Town Lake on my way home.  I did my 3 mile loop doing the couch to 5k progam.  My goal is to make this stop at least twice a week.  If anything - I get my workout in and the eye candy is nice.  :)  Plus, when I get home, the dogs are still getting a 1 1/2 mile walk.  So, 4 1/2 miles twice this week - well not too shabby.  I think I am moving in the right direction.

Now, tomorrow, I am trying something new and hopeful that maybe this can help relieve some of my pain.  My left heel/ankle is bothering me again - yes the one I spent 3 months in a walking boot with.  Then for good measure, the other hip is hurting me and it is starting to run down my leg.  Then there is the stress in my shoulders.  I think a razor blade might be a good description.  Or if you flick the muscle, it would snap.

This week we had a health fair.  So, one of the things they had you do is stand on this machine to see where you bear your weight.  So, when the lady asked me if I have ever had heel pain, I wasn't shocked.  Apparently a normal person carries their weight evenly on the balls of your feet and your heels.  Yep, mine is carried all on the heels and the outside of the feet.  Then for fun, I was shown how off kilter my spine really is.  So, tomorrow I am going for a free consultant with a chiropractor.  I am interested in hear what he has to say.  I told him my concern is the discs I already had surgery on and messing with them.  He has promised he only works on problem areas and helps stregthen the muscles where need be.  At this point - doesn't hurt to look into it if it makes me feel better.

A Crossroads

Well, the 21 day challenge is beginning today. The past few days have been an upside down kind of day and I just couldn't focus on anything, let alone what I was eating, what I was doing with anything.

First off, let me say that I wish I wasn't such a girl and cry when my emotions get the best of me. Boy is that what happened yesterday and I just couldn't shut them off. I still probably could cry about it. Really at the end of the day, it is going to require a decision, a huge decision and I just ask for prayers that, at the end of the day, it is the right decision for me.

I know WTF am I talking about - right.

Well, since I graduated from college in 1997, I have had a job with an Insurance company. Now granted, my job has always evolved and today I am removed from my account degree but I still work for an insurance company. After spending 5 years working in Internal Audit, I transitioned over to the IT world. So for Ameritas, I did a little bit of everything. Troubleshooting computers, working with phone and internet providers, Quality Assurance for a database, working in a contact management system, and the list goes on. I loved what I did, just not the boss I worked for.

Well, transition to my job at NFP. I was hired as an Administrator for our insurance database that allows offices to keep track of their clients, policies, etc. Well, with the recession, my job transitioned to a new department. Instead of being aligned directly with the Insurance Channel, I was moved over to the Technology umbrella. At the end of the day, I was suppose to support the database but was now being required to support about 20 other applications. For the past three years, in this new role, the time that was devoted to the database has become less and less. In a nutshell, every time something came up, the response was J has the bandwidth and the database got shoved a little farther off my table.

This year, my job has just sucked, no sugar coating it. One of the business channels forced their members to use encryption software. Imagine coordinating this new service for 450 offices, which almost all of them have a different email service provider. Sucked. Of course, people are mad about being forced to use it and guess who leads it because they had the bandwidth - yep me. So, now a huge part of my day is spent resetting passwords to open secure emails, opening tickets to determine why an email was caught as Spam, etc. It sucks.

Then, in July, we changed our log in process to be similar to banks, a dual authentication code log in process. Of course, up to this point, we never really enforced if a reps assistant called to reset their reps log in information - now we suddenly are. The people in the field struggle with it and constantly lock themselves out of the password and security questions. And they yell. And they scream. And they hang up. And their mad because they can’t do it for their rep. Guess who also leads this because they have the bandwidth? Yep, me.

So, in four years, I have gone from being a consultant, providing training, working with offices on a database to having my job digress to something I don't need a degree to do and consistently have people yell at me. The light at the end of the table was that at least part of the database was still on my table and there was hope that things would become more involved with it in the next six months. So, yesterday, it was shoved so far that it is just barely clinging to my table.

I spent probably close to an hour and a half in the boss' office on it. Of course, I cried about it, and cried and sniffled some more. It just sucks. The part of my job that I loved best will no doubt fall completely off in the next year. Oh my boss appreciates me and understands that I am capable of much more. But, he doesn't see it changing for what I am doing for the next three months. Then, basically I will get assigned the tasks and jobs he doesn't have time for on a day to day basis. Fanfuckentabulous. So, do I start looking? Do I accept the job for what it is and stick with it and just accept that I am 100% technology? Do I go down kicking & screaming on this database? Am I willing to go back to school so I can understand the technical side of life? Or is this God's way of saying become a teacher? Do I move back to Nebraska because at the end of the day, it was the job that kept me here?

If God could just good just let me see my future in a dream so I know what to do, that would be really great.  So, at this point, I can just ask for Prayers that I make the right choice in the cross-roads.

And so we begin....AGAIN

Well, it was Day 5, 6, & 7 that resulted in a crash.  Of course yesterday wasn't any better and this morning started off just as equally as bad!  So - we begin again - Day 1!

It was and continues to be the food that is the issue.  The money, everything else is going well!  So, starting at 10:25 am, I am making a change for the better of me.

So - my horrible breakfast included my damn three doughnuts and string cheese.  However, that is the end.  The rest of the day will be good and tomorrow is going to be better.  As for exercise - I am going to have to find something different than the Self workout that I have been doing.  Since doing the jumping rope and jumping jacks, my knees have been killing me.  Last night, it took everything I had to just finish the walk.  So, obviously that isn't going to work. 

I'll be back later today for the final update of Day 1.

For the record, since I am putting this all out there, starting weight 187.0.  :(

Day 4....Damn You Doughnuts

Yes, the doughnuts won the battle again.  I woke horrible stuffy and had to stop at the grocery to get something to wipe the sinus headache.  Of course, while I was there - why not get 3 doughtnuts.  Ugggh!  The rest of the day wasn't too bad.  Lunch we ordered from FreeBirds.  Nothing like a freedom salad loaded with Jalepenos to clean out the sinus'.  Supper, it had to be quick so I went with a bowl of cereal.  Not the best choice but it would have to do. 

For exercise I was suppose to do a 30 minute training session on the on demand Fit TV.  Of course, I don't have it, so that was out.  So, instead I did a quick mile and a half walk with the dogs before I headed to softball.  I was wiped when I got home so I need to go back and do the strength training some time this weekend to make that piece up.

Here is my summary for the positive habits:

Eating - Good execept for them pesky doughnuts
Exercise - 1 1/2 miles, and 50 minutes of softball
Cleaning - Did a little vacuuming (can I say I love this thing!) and two loads of laundry
Money - Good, outside of the morning doughtnuts, I paid my $30 for softball and paid some bills.

My other note is that me and my HOA are really going to go to battle.  I got a certified letter because my garbage can was in front of my garage.  What a joke considering the neighbors behind me haven't mowed since I submitted my last complaint.

And yes, to be consistent, I can already tell you, damn you doughnuts.  I threw in the towel and just went for them today with a clean start tomorrow.  :)

Day Three

Well, if I go with the theme from the past two days, the day went well, there is room for improvement but it could of been worse.  But, while I was running, I realized that I am kidding myself.  The tire I carry around my belly, yes that is a direct looks like one of the doughnuts I consume every day.  Guilty as charged.  It probably wouldn't be so bad if it was one, or maybe two, but yes three doughnuts every morning.  So, there you have it.  It is my vice and I guess if I am going to make it a new habit, the doughnuts have to go.  Tomorrow it is.

So today I had my favorite salad...it is so easy and yummy and really not too bad for ya.  I buy the small lettuce bags from HEB.  They are a 1.02 and make either two small salads or a big salad.  So for lunch, I have a big salad.  I then throw in 3 ozs of chicken.  Oscar Meyer has this pre-cooked cold packs that are yummy.  Throw in some blue cheese crumbles, some strawberries and a light balsamic vinegar....tasty.

Exercise for the day, Self day 3.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it could be.  Today it was a 5 minute warm up and a five minute cool down.  In between, it was two minutes running, two minutes walking, repeating 7 times.

Here is my summary for the positive habits:


Eating - Okay but room for improvement
Exercise - 48 minutes, 3 1/2 miles
Cleaning - Cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed and 3 loads laundry
Money - Good, outside of the morning doughtnuts, I picked up salsa and a dessert at the grocery store on the way home.

Now, on to more important things, does someone want two dogs?  They are ready to send me over the edge.

Day two

Well, day two was an okay day.  The eating wasn't perfect but it was better than not trying.  I successfully stayed away from the vending machine (win) and I passed on eating out for lunch (win).  So while the food eating wasn't perfect, it could of been worse.  Exercise for the day was a zero.  It was a Lowe's day which means I have enough time at home between the two jobs to change clothes, grab something to eat and feed the pups.  Of course, another win would probably be that I didn't grab something to eat via the local drive thru which unfortunately has been the norm on Lowe's days. 

Here is my summary for the positive habits:
Eating - Okay but room for improvement
Exercise - Zero  (Lowe's Day)
Cleaning - Zero (Lowe's Day)
Money - Good, earning money at Lowe's and didn't spend any

Now, I hope I have a good report for later today because right now I am exhausted and just want a nap!

My favorite little man

I so luv this little guy and miss him bunches!  It's hard to believe he is the same little guy that I saw in February that wouldn't let me get any sleep his first night home. 

He is always on the move.  He isn't crawling yet, but is close to being on his way.  Right now he is getting up on all fours and rocking. 

Junior is getting closer to being allowed to see his little guy as well and something tells me that these two guys will be in their fair share of trouble together!  Now if the judge just puts CBM (crazy baby mama) in place, these boys can start movin and shakin together.

It takes 21 days to....

Can you complete that sentence?  No? Maybe? It takes 21 days to form a habit.  Today is day one!  So how my eating and exercise got off tracks I really don't know.  In the past two weeks I have accomplished a lot getting better organized around the house but the food and exercise went to make room.  But, it isn't going to be about just the food and exercise.  I have been lazy lately and not been doing what I should be doing.  Church on the weekends, cleaning and everything else.  So, today was day one of putting it all together.  Managing the two jobs.  Having a clean house so it wouldn't be a scramble if unexpected company came. Being in control of my money so I don't have to have the Lowe's job.  Putting my body first so I can shop in my closet by exercising and making healthy food choices. 

Hopefully if all goes well - I'll be able to share my tips and tricks that I learned along the way.  Maybe a new recipe or two. 

Over all, today wasn't too bad.  Eating, well there were a few things that I could of done better but it was day one without the vending machine at work and eating fast food.  Win, win.  Another win was taking the two flights up to my desk.  On the way home I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few staples I was missing, the fruit, the veggies, the things I go through every week.  After a supper of soft tacos with Chicken and salsa it was time to walk the dogs.  We did our two mile walk.  I am not sure how long it took because the pups beg the attention of the neighbor kids so we always have to stop and say hi. 

Then it was home for my workout...day two of Self's Your Weight Minus 8.  Today was 30 minutes of pound zapper and the strength cards.  I don't know what was worse, the pound zapper or the cards.  The pound zapper was 4 minutes of jumping rope, 1 minute of jumping jacks, 1 minute rest, repeat the sequence three more times.  Four minutes is a LONG time to jump rope.  Then the strength cards.  WTF is all I can say.  I think the gym cards are easier than the at home cards.  I mean, do a squat on your tippy toes and then stand up, still on your balls of your feet and push weights over the top of your head.  It was a combination pilates, weights and torture.   Thank god I don't need to think about that for another three days!

So that was day one...time for a shower and early to bed...I'm exhausted!

Father's Daughter

Honestly, if you would of asked me this question in junior high and early part of high school, I would of said no way in hell.  Papa Smurf and I weren't really close, he was tough on me.  I don't want to say he ruled with an iron fist, because he didn't .  But, he does come from a long string of men that are tough men, don't show emotion, let alone talk about it.  Really, in my life I have seen him cry once, maybe twice.  The last when Grandma Schmidt passed.  He might of cried at Grandma Meedel's funeral too, but I was a train wreck so I wouldn't of had any idea.  You always had to see the little stuff he did to understand his love.  Take for example, softball, my love.  It wasn't until I was in a doctor's office before my senior year of high school and my dad was asking how my knee injury would impact my ability to play in college that I realized I might actually be good - no kidding.  Up until that point, I could tell you where my short comings in the game were.  That is my dad and now that I understand him and his ways, I love him and can't imagine having another dad but him.

So back to the matter at hand, Father's Daughter.  My dad LOVES to be outside.  We joke with him about his summer tans.  See, he gets engine brown on his back side and well his front side is more on the white side.  He spends so much time hunched over in the garden that only the back side gets tan.  I remember growing up my mom use to complain about how much the water bill was during the summer months.  She definitely was not impressed with the $100+ bills my dad managed to generate and he really didn't mind because he didn't pay the bills.  But, he did have the best looking yard in the neighborhood and maximized the small garden he had.  Heck, us kids were not even allowed to mow it most times because he had his way. 

Then they moved to an acerage.  I think my mom was going to flip a top the first summer they lived there and my dad was watering the "yard".  He carefully pointed out he was only water around the house to ensure the foundation didn't crack, etc.  It was a priceless moment. 

Now that I am older, I have found that I have become him.  I know that every time I mow the yard, I need to mow it from a different angle so you don't get the tracks in the lawn.  I spend hours outside on a bucket pulling weeds.  If my lawn isn't green and weed free, I look at it from the stand point my father would not approve.  With all that said, he just might approve of the front yard.  It is a little burnt between the sidewalk and the street just because I didn't get it watered after Scott's came out last time.  (Yes, I am a cheater and have someone fertilize & treat my yard for me.)  The backyard is still a work in progress and one I am not ready to take pictures of. 

All being said - it has come a long one in the two years I have lived there.  The photo below is just from last spring.  Hopefully I will see the same improvement in my backyard by next spring.

On a completely unrelated note, I have effective rid myself of Noname Guy #1 & Guy #2.

God can you just put Mr. Right on my doorstep?

Dating sucks.  No if ands or butts about it.  Honestly, I am so done and over it, ready to give it up.  Although, my brother assured me to keep trying.  As he says "There are plenty of fish in the sea" you'll find yours.  Well I can tell you that they are not coming from Plenty of Fish anymore.  Done and over that site.

So, Wednesday, I had my first date with Guy#2 - he doesn't deserve a name, well unless DC makes me come back and name him and the other nameless guy.  Prior to the meeting, I still had to get my bike ride in with Runner.  It was hot and miserable with a 20% chance of rain.  Can I tell you what happened, yep that is right - we got the 20% in the form of a monster downpour.  You have to love the feeling of pointing your shoes down to up, you feel the water running back and forth in them.  Luckly we decided there was a chance for rain and headed back early, so it could of been much worse.  Of course, as luck would have it, I got my first flat tire as I rounded the corner off of Palmer. And for good measure, I couldn't unclick and now have a grand brusie to show for it.

After all that, I still opted for the date with Guy#2.  I figured it would either make or break my day.  As luck would have it, it broke my day.  Let's just say that with Internet Dating, the pictures they provide are subjective, they pick what they want.  This guy - well they had to be at least 5 years old - on a good day that is!  I was busted staring at his gages.  I mean they weren't huge but large enough to then wear hoops through them.  I don't get it.  The straw that broke the camels back, "Well my first wife".  Ummm, you have had more than one divorce?  I feel like a dating snob but I have waited this long for Mr. Right, if you have struck out twice already, I am not hopping for the third time being the charm.

So, Saturday brought date number 2 with previously mentioned no name guy.  This guy was on sitting on strike 3 and well, he didn't even get his bat off the shoulder.  First off I had issues with his weight.  Again back to photo issue, in no way did it accurately depict that he is 350 lbs (which I learned from him).  Strike 2 occurred when I got stood up the Saturday before.  Well, our date was delayed because it was more important for him to do the fantasy draft for his roommate who was out of town.  Whatever.  So, he had mentioned going to Fredricksburg for the day, he wanted to bet on his friends horse, and then get something to eat.  So, in my mind that meant a quick bet, walking through the stores in Fredricksburg and then grabbing some supper.  Oh, how wrong I was!

I got in the car and he informed me that he thought it would be faster to go to San Antonio versus Fredricksburg.  It was then that I realized that his "date" idea was to go to the horse track.  Now, let me make this clear, I realize horse races can be fun.  However, this wasn't live horse racing, it was simulcast.  He knew the old people that were there because apparently he goes every three weeks or so to the track.  Yep, Strike 3.

So, back to the drawing board.  God can you just put Mr. Right on my doorstep?  It sure would make life easier.

Date like a man...

So you don't get played like a girl.


So far this week I have two dates set up with two different guys. Of course, both are not until Saturday & Sunday which means that gives me 4 other days left this week I can add dates. <>

Saturday is date number two with no name guy. He and I went out last Wednesday to the Round Rock Express game, which for those of you back home is in the same league as the Omaha Royals. He was another guy I met off of PlentyofFish.com. Honestly, I have give up on that sight and haven't really been looking for dates just because I haven't meet anything of quality lately. Quantity can never substitute for quality, no matter how many dates.

We had a nice time at the game, it is just I don't know. He is a lot bigger than his pictures let on. On a good day, he probably has 75 lbs, if not more, that he could afford to lose. I had a good time, it is just that I never pictured dating someone that big. So, we are giving it at least a second date. Saturday he wants to head to Fredericksburg for the day. I am going to give it a whirl. Wish me luck cause it is a LONG walk home from there.

Sunday, well this will be date number one with a personal trainer from the same site as the above mentioned guy. We are meeting for "coffee" at Little Woodrows. In Austin lingo, that is a sports bar so something tells me there isn't going to be coffee ordered, lol.

There could be a third date this week too. This guy has been on the hook since probably May. I get random text messages from him but have never met him. Whatever, it isn't like he is making my day painful. But in any event, he finally decided to get off the pot and wants to meet.

Hmmmm, three dates in one week with three different guys...I might need to start going by Jiggalo. :)

Once upon a time, long, long, long time ago....

I blogged. 

I can't believe it has been that long!  Yikes! 

Well, what can I tell you...hmmm.  Nothing really exciting has been going on.

4th of July - well that was uneventful and probably disappointing.  I went with a few members of the secret society group from Lowe's to TGIFs downtown so we can have dinner and then watch fireworks.  Well, at the end of the day, the service was so bad we actually missed part of the fireworks because the waiter couldn't get his act together.  He honestly threw our cards at us and told us to go, he would comp our meals.  We didn't stay out too late because at the end of the day, we were too hungover from the day before. 

A few weeks after that, Runner joined me and a trip to the Curtis Cabin for the weekend.  A weekend of R&R was what the doctor ordered for us.  I think one can summarize everything with saying that we did see Elvis and MulletMan was dancing with CrystalGayle.  It was good times with Big Country & his family!!!

Work, well my day job work is now on day 10 of hell.  We changed our website security to require dual authentication.  You would think we are asking people to log into Nasa.  No one can remember a 6 digit password or answers to security questions.  We have been yelled at, cursed out, threatened, honestly had no idea how long work days could be.

Men, well that is a subject we will leave for another day.  Nothing worth reporting.  People in general like to say that woman are full of drama, well all I can say is that really, I think it is the men who have drama and woman taken the fall for it. 

A whole lot of....

Nothing. 

That is the excitement in my life right now.  Honestly the past two weeks I have just been trying to get back into the work out routine and just going through each day. Runner has got me back into the bike routine and I am so thankful for getting back on it.  The past two Wednesday's we have logged almost 15 mile rides.  I just remember the days of dredding softball practice.  But, now I found 15 miles in 100 degree heat indexes almost relaxing.  Amazing how that works. I have also been doing the Couch to 5K program again trying to get back into running form.  Is there a reason for all of it?  No, not really.  I just am putting myself first and getting things done rather than spending nights at home, on the couch in front of the tv. 

So, really my days are like clock work.  Tuesday's and Friday's there are "rest" days since I work both jobs.  The rest of the week you can find me working one job and logging some sort of exercise.  Crazy I am.

As for an update on the dating scene, well right now there is not a lot.  I have wrote off Vanilla.  Honestly, I deserve better.  There are two new guys that I have been talking to but so far no dates.  I would expect that I would have a date this week with at least one, if not both, of them.  Of course, I always have to wait until after the dates for DC to name, so for now, there is no names. 

Blind Side

I have wondered what life is like for Finn being blind in one eye.  Honestly, most days it doesn't slow him down in the slightest and most people that meet him don't even realize that he is blind in an eye.  Some days I wish it would slow him down.  :)  As I have been getting back into the work out routine, I just think about what it is like for him.  Weird, I know.  While most don't see it, there are little things that I notice.  When we run and walk, he is always on Guinness' right.  If they get switched around, shortly there after they switch back.  My only thought is that he has Guinness to look out for him on the blind side and is able to watch from the other.  I work with a guy that is blind in an eye and sometimes I just want to ask him what it is like so I can understand what it is like for Finn.  But, I don't think it is right, and so I am only left to wonder what it like on the blind side.  I think Guinness plays the annoyed with my little brother a lot but at the end of the day, she is protective of him.

(Of course, as I say all this, WWF is happening right under my feet between the couch & coffee table.)

Reasons 11 & 12

Of course, I would need DC to come back to town to remind me of reason 11 and after last night, reason 12 has appeared for the list of reasons I'm still single.

11.  Ballz - I tried to forget this one as quickly as it happened.  I went out with him in either January or February.  Well, in any event we went to this event center and did rock climbing and bowling.  I won't get into how he knew I wasn't suppose to be doing any physical activity and if you have tried rock climbing - well there is no way you won't break out in a sweat.  The nice touch to the end of the date...I got to pay my half.  LOVE it!

12.  EB/E4B - The E is for Eager, the B is for Beaver.  You can translate the 4.  He and I have been talking via phone/text messaging but haven't actually met in person.  But, what one needs to know is that he thought it was necessary to call me at 2 am.  I am confused, am I still in college?

Top 10 Reason's I'm Single

So yesterday I met Runner for a bike ride. It had been way too long since we seen each other and way too long for me to be seperated from my bike. But as Runner pointed out, it is great when you have the ability to catch up with a friend and get in a GREAT workout - 14 miles to be exact. Of course, she said I have to blog about this stuff, so here we go.

Dating it today's world - well if you are not having to do it, count your blessings and then count them 500 times more. No longer do you have school to meet guys, I don't care to dip the pen in the ink well at work just because it gets too messy. Bars, well you know that one. So, then there is internet dating. The ability to avoid all honesty - well it is so easy for them and seriously - it brings out the weirdo’s.

10. Chef Man - I feel it is fitting that I start with him first. He was one of the 'normal' ones. Of course we got along great but our opposite hours and having every role reversed probably didn't help. (He liked baths, I prefer showers. He liked movies, I preferred football)


9. Sergeant Drama/Copier Man/NY Man - Plenty of blog time has been given credit to this guy. In a perfect world in normal circumstances, I could of seen this one working. However, that being said - when has it been normal and perfect? He is still in the Army and currently on lock down in San Antonio. When will I hear from him, I don't know.


8. Trouble – T is still around, just as a friend. He works a crazy insane amount and hasn’t really been in Austin since the first of the year. He is going to be in Dallas for the next month if that tells you anything.


7. Vanilla Horndog - Well I haven't blogged about him for awhile and Vanilla still applies but since he is coming out of a divorce, he can't just date one person. He wants to date half of Austin. Apparently on the website we met, he actually messaged one of my friends on that site. He came clean before my friend had a chance to tell me about it and fortunately I am blessed with a great friend that wouldn't date someone I have dated. So, where he and I stand - I don't know - I just don't want to be half of Austin if you know what I mean.


6. 6th Street Guy - this is a flash back to one of my first dates in Austin. This guy - well he thought it would be FUN to go to 6th Street for a second date on a Friday night. Just think 'O' Street times 4 for a second date. Priceless.


5. BB - Babies & Baggage - this guy well you needed Cliff Notes to keep track of his life. The two babies with two different mommas and then two different wives but they weren't both the baby momma's. As one expects - it didn't go past the first date.


4. Childish Games - really this one never got to a face to face and I am so okay with that. See he felt it was childish that I wouldn’t guarantee someone would have sex on the first date. Hmmm, it’s about respect and really at the end of the day – YOU are childish.


3. No name - I never really talked to this guy, just had a message from him but it was enough to warrant the Top 10.  BTW - I deleted the message and just  never responded to it. All you need to know is that he was in an Open relationship and they were looking for a third person.


2. The Ex – enough said there! Of course, I will be closing that chapter here in a few weeks with a new telephone number. So, be on the lookout for that.


1. The Adulterer - Yep that is what he was. After a day chatting with him via Instant Messenger, he says to me, “I have something that I should tell you but I don’t want to scare you away.” Okay – well that translates to "You have to tell me". Yep – in a nutshell – he was married and just was looking for sex cause he didn’t get enough at home. Needless to say – I said pound sand – I’m not interested. Of course, he couldn’t just walk away. I never saw him but he showed up at Lowe’s one night to see me and then sent me a text the next day and say he wouldn’t be interested. Whatever dude, I’m not interested. Of course, he tried to contact me about two weeks later because I don’t think he was finding what he was looking for. Anyway – I told him he was an ass and he never need to contact me again.


So, there you have the Top Ten Reason’s why I am still single! I think we can all agree – I should be single over dating one of any one of those guys.

57 out of 62

Yup, that was the official count of days worked in a span of 62 days. So, needless to say, when I called in Friday morning and said I wasn't going to be in Friday night and Saturday morning for my shifts, I did NOT feel guilty in the slightest.


I have a master plan and I really want to be debt free as quickly as possible. So, in the big scheme of things, I don’t really notice that I work that many days. But, when I do take a day off, boy oh boy – I forgot how nice it is. I suppose it makes one appreciate it more.

We had an early roll out on Friday for the holiday weekend. That translated to me hitting the road at 1:30. I love it. I promptly headed home and enjoyed some quality nap time on the couch. Friday evening was spent working on the yard. Mowing, pulling weeds, edging, sweeping, watering, etc.

Saturday morning, well I thoroughly enjoyed sleeping in. Of course – having dogs that understand I might be sleeping in would have been even better. I honestly forgot what normal people do on Saturday mornings, little things like watering the yard, running errands, etc.

In the afternoon, it was time to head to Lake Limestone and Camp Curtis! For whatever reason, Finnegan was pacing the entire time but we did get there and even when we were getting close to Camp Curtis, Guinness started freaking out, like she remembered where we were. All and all it was a GREAT weekend. I got some reading in, some drinking in and a lot of sun time. Finnegan loved the water as much as Guinness and after the weekend, they will both now be called Finnegus. My Country Cuz can’t tell Guinness & Finn apart so he called them Finnegus the entire weekend.

Unfortunately the weekend came to an end much too quickly and I was greeted with a 15 hour work day on Tuesday.

George's Baggage

[Disclaimer - Guys you just might want to skip this one.]

So, Mother Nature and I have a love hate relationship.  I understand the need for George (my name for THAT time) to arrive every month.  However, don't get me wrong, some days I really question if I am ever going to have that experience.  That is another topic for another day.

Now, George comes in cycles.  I have learned to adapt to them and roll with his whims.  One thing I give him, he is at least consistent.  I can count 4 weeks out, and sure enough - he is back.  But, the luggage he drops off, I wish was consistent.  Some months it is light, the next month it is flood gates.  Truly I have been blessed with this disaster since George first arrived on the scene in junior high.  I really wish my mom would take those roses back - I mean really I don't enjoy this "welcoming" to womanhood.  Of course, there was the time the ER doctor told me I shouldn't be alarmed that I was going through a Super Plus every 15 minutes - that was normal.  WTF?

Sorry, digressing.  Well, George was due for arrival on Friday and as is normal, George arrived without much fanfare.  Sunday, well that all changed.  I knew George was a little heavier on baggage if you will but didn't think much of it.  I headed out to Walmart to buy groceries for the week.  Of course, they didn't have a number of things that I needed and I headed across the road to HEB.  Well, by the time I got into the store, I had that uncomfortable feeling.  But the feeling was beyond uncomfort.  I honestly knew I was in serious trouble and was just trying to get out of the store.  Have you ever tried to walk quickly while squeezing your legs together, praying to God few people notice and the damage can be minimized?  Yep, impossible. Similar to the scene out of Super Bad, I just had my period in the grocery store instead of on someones leg. 

Well, George didn't finish there and continued to create havoc on the rest of my evening.  After four clothes changes, he finally decided he could be normal again.  Just like a man, easily can &uck with your plans when you weren't expecting it.  I think 9 months of pregnancy and not having to deal with George...well bliss.

Vanilla Part Duece

Well, it only took almost a month but Vanilla and I were finally able to figure out a time to go out that would work for both of us.  Really it is mostly on his end that is the issue but we still manage to find time to talk every day.

In any event, Date 2 was just like Date 1 and he still is deserving of his Vanilla name.  I went home and took care of the dogs and patiently waited for his call. Honestly, we knew we would do SOMETHING but what and when was still a mystery.  He called about 5:30 and said he was stuck in traffic trying to get home.  Now, we live on polar opposite sides of town which in Lincoln terms wouldn't be a big deal.  But, think driving from South Point to I80 via 27th Street.  That is the best scenario I can give you so, it isn't always the easiest thing to do.

So, I agreed to head south.  Of course, Finn was being his normal problematic self and had to puke on the rug before I could leave.  Apparently he still was housing garden hose remnants in his stomach from last Friday in addition to the plastic garden hose handle he decided to chew on the night before.  So, finally got that mess cleaned up and then had to go back out and fill the water dish back up.  I never understood why the water bowl was always empty when I got home but after watching him shovel it out with his paw, it became clear.  Darn dog. 

Vanilla was still in a prep stage when I got to his apartment (translate still in a towel).  So, I waited for him to finish up and then we headed out for dinner.  Lonestar Steak House it was.  As with the other date, dinner was normal and conversation just flowed.  I will say that I did experience a first in having my car door opened for me and all the other doors opened for me.  It was something I could get use to.  I also will have to get use to the compliments, which can't be a bad thing.

Afterwards, we headed back to his apartment.  We watched Super Bad.  Here is all I can say about that movie, it is a dude movie.  Yes it was funny, but such a guy thing.  I don't know if it would classify as one of those movies I could watch over and over. 

Some might consider it boring, but it was a normal date and a nice change once again!  Hopefully I won't have to wait another month to see him.  I finally got home and into bed at almost midnight so it definitely has made for a long today!

Picture worth a thousand words...

Anyone else think they need to mow?

Mother $uckin Bolder

Yes - these white bolders that have been added to my rock garden, yes those sons of itches came from my backyard. I had some trees that needed planted in the backyard and while trying to dig a hole - I came up with these things. Seriously - who would of thought that digging a hole would of been such hard work. Never mind that I needed to own an Axe pick to dig the darn whole.

In all, it was an exhausting day! I planted a Southern Magnolia, a Tuliptree stick, a Confederate Rose, landscaped on the side of the front of the house, edged around the yard, trimmed trees, and mulched.

It is sad when I am thinking I should be in bed by 8 pm on a Sunday!

Control

I think that some thought that my blog about the EX having a baby with the mistress was in somehow being disappointed about things not working out, so much not so the case.

So, tonight after plans fell through with the girls, I sat down and was watching Oprah that was on last week. I record her but don't necessarily watch it all the time. The subject was “Stay Alive” and about the new tool to keep you safe. I was intrigued, so I started watching it.

Well, basically it was about surviving domestic violence. I sit here and listen to Oprah saying, I don’t get how people stay when you get hit. It is so hard to put into words why you stay. I was in love. Then there is the control game that they play. They beat you down so you feel like your self worth is so low that you couldn’t do better than them, that you depend them to stand on your own two feet.

Honestly the first time that I got hit was very early in the relationship. I think we had started dating in February. It happened Memorial Weekend. We had gone to Kansas City for the weekend to celebrate his birthday. I knew that there were issues with his drinking but didn’t realize the extent of his problem. We had gone out drinking that night. I really don’t know what triggered it outside of his drinking but he was pissed by the time we got back to the hotel room.

The hitting started. I was scared shitless but knew I wasn’t going to get out of the room and then what? Where would I go? By that point, the isolation had already begun with my friends and family so I didn’t feel I could call them. I stuck it out. I know that I really didn’t sleep that night. I think we were up half of it fighting and he just kept on drinking.

I remember the drive home back to Nebraska the next day. I ended up driving because he wasn’t sober. I fell asleep and actually almost drove us off the road because I was so exhausted. I don’t know why I stayed. He promised change, the control continued and I was really just don’t have a good answer. Why do I write it now, maybe it is because of the Oprah show, maybe a reminder of why I am so blessed to be free!

There are so many more stories that could be told, being pushed down the stairs, being beat on, belittled, and on and on. But, they are part of my past. Yes, it will change how I enter into relationships but at the end of the day, I know my future husband will understand. I also know (or hope) that my family and friends will drag me out of any relationship, even if I am screaming and kickin, if they suspect any relationship isn’t healthy for me. I might have had two years of being poisoned against my family and friends but at the end of the day – they are the bomb and I will spend the rest of my days making up those two years to them! I just regret those friendships that I lost during that time and probably will never heal.

Normalcy

Honestly – it hasn’t been a world that I have been able to use in some of my dates recently. Usually, I talk to the guy, he seems normal (some don’t even make it that far) and then by the time we meet up, things fall apart. I mean take BB, he seemed normal and then the wheel fell off on the date.

Well, last night was so different. He has been appropriately named by DC as Vanilla. The reasoning? It is normal; it’s plain, but totally delicious. We will see how much this holds true going forward.

We originally were going to meet a week ago this past Wednesday. However, he had a project at work take longer than normal and had to postpone. I was okay with not meeting up with someone after midnight – when he finally wrapped up. He owns his own audio visual company. He sets up conference rooms, workstations and a whole host of other things so, at the end of the day – he puts in the hours he needs to.

I originally was supposed to play softball and then we were going to meet after that. Of course, Mother Nature had better ideas with rain so I was able to get some cleaning done around the house while he wrapped up work. Apparently payroll is important for a Friday.  We met at Baby A’s, a Mexican Restaurant not far from my house. They are known for their margaritas, especially the purple ones. So, of course – we had to have a purple one. (They limit you two if that tells you anything.)

I was nervous given that the previous dates or would be suitors were such train wrecks. However, he was perfectly normal! The guy sitting across the table was really the guy that I have been talking to for the past could of weeks. Chivalry is definitely not dead in Texas.

We had dinner and just talked. Honestly, it didn’t seem like we were there that long but in reality it was close to three hours. He walked me out to the car and we talked for a little longer. I did get the good night kiss but it wasn’t anything bad, groping, awkward. It was very gentleman like.

Will there be a second date between Vanilla and I? I hope so. If this morning is any indication with him calling on the way to work, there will be a date two.

One foot in front of the other....

Some days, it is all I can do, just put one foot in front of the other, make it through the problem, the fear, the anger, just to survive.
Yesterday I had a horrible headache. It was still there when I got home from Lowe's - my favorite 13 hour work day Tuesday. I was out right tired but couldn't sleep because of the headache. I was making me sick and nothing was cutting.  So, if I am up, might as well surf Facebook. I mean I think I have 250 friends, so it isn't like I see everyone's status updates so I surf on occasion just to see what is up. Well, I have been friends with the Ex's mom on Facebook for a long time so I went to see if she had any updates. Nothing, but the Ex’s sister had wrote on her wall so out of curiosity, I went and looked at her pictures, wanted to see how the kids were. Well, there was a picture of a new baby on her page.  I didn’t really think about it, I mean, she already has 6 kids, what is one more. But then, I saw someone make a comment, tell your brother congratulations. WTF? There is only one brother, the Ex. Long story short, it is his baby, born a few weeks ago with the woman he has been living with since we broke up, the same one he swore he wasn’t cheating on me with.
God the emotions I have. Here I am, working 7 days a week, struggling to get by because I took a $7,000 pay cut because of this great life we were going to have in Texas. Sure, his life hasn’t been a bed of roses, but somehow, it feels like he came out ahead. I still have the debt we had together. I am the one making less today than before I met him, I have few friends because I have to work all the time to cover the debt and less income. Sure, I own a house, but I feel like I am just getting by.
I am just putting one foot in front of the other today, trying to let it go. Dwelling on the past of what could have been isn’t going to help today or change tomorrow. I tell myself that God did me a favor that I never got pregnant while we were together. Heaven knows we weren’t careful.

Maybe part of it is a kick in the gut just because it is HER. Or because, while we rarely talk, he has never said anything about it. He told me he was trying to shield me from it, his words.
Well here is my shield….Fuck you. It might kill me and I might not have friends here and have to work my ASS off, but I will come out so far ahead it won’t be funny.  And this time, I won't be using food as comfort.  Your sorry ass will be motivation to run that much farther.  Then I will happily run over your sorry ass.

Stop Talking

That is what one of my coworkers said about another gal at Lowe's.  Stop talking about weight loss and just lose the weight already.  She has been talkin about losing weight since I have been there but nothing really changes. 

Of course, this person wasn't saying it to me, he was saying it about her.  But, I heard it loud and clear.  I have been talking about losing the weight since I gained it all in the walking boot almost two years ago.  I know what I need to do and I can do it.

So, the good news is that I started running again.  I also have made a weekly walk with above mentioned girl every week to Town Lake.  This past week we walked 4.82 miles.  We definitely can pick up the pace but we are heading in the right direction.  Our goal is to do the 10 mile loop before the end of the summer. 

Now, I just need to get the food in check.

Shut Down Mode

Back home at my old gig, we referred to this mode when someone (we know who) was in one of those modes that didn't care and didn't do anything. Since the debacle with Sgt. Drama, I feel like I have been living in that mode. Work not so much, home life, yes. I am trying to kick myself out of it, but not making much headway.
My "holiday" weekend started Thursday at 2. Yeah for having a cool boss that sends us out early when it is dead. That being said - I still didn't get home until after 6. Went to the allergy doctor for my shots, then had the dreaded female doctor's appointment. They called and said "it's nothing to worry about" but I had an abnormal pap and they wanted to recheck in 3 months. Obviously they didn't read my chart to know my history of pre-cervical cancer changes, all the crap I went through about 10 years ago. But that is for another day. Of course, being April's Fools day - babies were being born left & right. That translated into my appointment being almost an hour late by the time the doctor saw me. It was short, definitely not sweet, and then he was off because a patient was having complications. I finally left the office at 5 from a 3:45 appointment. From there, it was off to get a haircut and my hour of Stylist’s therapy. Just a trim but love the entertainment that comes with it.
Friday I was in slow motion. But, I did manage to thoroughly clean two rooms of the house and start on the other two. Normally I just mop or swifter my wood floors. But in the movement of spring - I got on the hands & knees and scrubbed. Who knew one has so many dust bunnies. At 5, it was off to Lowe's.
Saturday was a beautiful day. I had to work until 3 at Lowe's and the shift really flew by just because it was so busy - everyone is in spring mode. I went home and worked on cleaning some more. Then I met Install back at Lowe's with Guinness & Finnegan. We headed to Town Lake to do the 4 mile trail. It was my first time taking both dogs and I don't know if I will take them both again. I think it took a 1/2 hour for them just to calm down and walk. Ugggh! I had a nice time with Install and we are going to make it a weekly Saturday thing.
Sunday - well I just couldn't find the heart to go to Church. I know - it is Jesus day. But, the Christers (Christmas/Easter goers) come out and it is this big family thing. I was by myself. No family to go with and everyone else was working. So, I skipped it. I do feel bad but until you are in that position, you just don't know what it is like. I did spend the day outside working in the yard once the drizzle cleared out. I was quite proud of my repairing of the fence. Finnegan has taken to eating through the fence to get to the dogs on the other side he does not like. So, I had to replace 8 boards and only managed to smack my thumb once. Yeah me! I potted knew flowers in my containers and made sure all my perennials were coming up. Ironically, a Hosta that died midsummer last year came back up but one that I had all summer hasn't reappeared. Weird.
After all that, I grilled myself a fine Ribeye and settled in with a cocktail and The Hangover. Definitely need to buy this movie! Love it!